Unexpected
by thegirlwiththebigdreams
Summary: Chuck hasn't seen Blair in years, because on the day he had planned to propose at the top of the Empire State Building, she mysteriously disappeared. So now, five years later, what is she doing back in Manhattan? What secrets is she keeping, and what is she trying to achieve by keeping them? A delightful mixture of Chuck/Blair and Serena/Nate.
1. Five Years Earlier

**The beginning of the story picks up as a flashback, which is taking place as kind of an alternate 3x22. As always, I own nothing, and have taken creative liberties to create a story I want to explore with the characters we all know and love. Hope you enjoy! Will hopefully update soon. Xoxo, M**

Five Years Earlier

Blair felt herself bolt upright in bed, a thin layer of sweat covering her entire body. The earliest hints of sun were presenting themselves through the window, and she cursed herself for being unable to sleep that night. Too much was swirling around in her mind as she laid there alone. _What if I'm not making it up? What if it's true?_

It had been less than a month since they had been together, but she thought she hadn't had a period in the past six or so weeks. It wasn't like she had been keeping track, though, so the uncertainty was still able to loom overhead. She'd been mentally wrestling herself for the past few days, wondering what the best course of action was. Originally, she had just wanted to wait it out for the remainder of the week. Surely, if she waited, it would come and she could relax. After all, stressing herself out in the past had always caused her to have either a light period or a late period. If she waited as patiently as possible, all would be well.

That had been the mentality three days ago, but everything had changed since then. She, obviously, hadn't gotten it yet. If she had gotten it like she had hoped would happen, none of it would matter. But it did because it still had to. She hadn't told anybody, least of all _him_ , and the events of the day before were replaying over and over in her head as though they were the only memories she had. It was slow torture.

 _I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building…if you're not there tomorrow by 7:01, I'm closing my heart to you forever…_

She shuddered as she thought of the seriousness in those brown eyes. His eyes were lighter than hers; a beautiful, amber color that she had always found endearing. She wondered about the possibility of it being real, and she wondered if those amber eyes would prove to be dominant over her own dark orbs. She swallowed hard and felt her stomach turn. _Oh no._

She had had very few conversations with her mother about what it was like to be pregnant. Eleanor Waldorf had never been the picture of maternal poise, but there had been times when Blair was younger that had allowed them to share intimate moments as all mothers and daughters should. There had been conversations about whether or not having a baby was worth the pain of childbirth (a conversation that started after Blair had fallen victim to her very first menstrual cramps). There had been moments when Eleanor had told her about her father being overjoyed at the idea of a baby girl in the house. And, at that moment, Blair could also remember her mother distinctly speaking of her extremely persistent morning sickness. _Fuck._

She jumped out of bed and flew to the bathroom, immediately realizing that she could avoid taking a test no longer. Though in that moment it felt pointless, because she believed she already knew the answer.

* * *

"You have to tell Chuck," Serena said. The blonde had arrived less than a half an hour after the brunette had called her. She'd come bearing gifts of three pregnancy tests and a panicked expression.

"I haven't even taken the test," Blair said, struggling to choke down a buttered croissant that Dorota had baked that morning.

Serena crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her weight to one side. She was still standing in front of Blair's bed, her long hair tied in a messy pony tail after she'd skipped her shower to rush over to the Waldorf Penthouse. She spoke loudly then, her voice dripping with slight impatience over Blair's hesitance, "Uh, I'm sorry, but does this happen to feel like déjà vu to you, too? Or do you not remember the last time you thought you were pregnant and didn't tell Chuck?"

Blair glared at her, "Stop speaking. I don't need to be worried about him right now. He's part of the reason I'm in this mess in the first place."

"Oh, come on, B, you said so yourself; you're pretty sure this time," Serena said, sighing and sitting down on the edge of the bed, "You have to tell him. Whatever feud you guys are in right now will not matter if that test confirms your suspicions. He has a right to know."

Blair swallowed, hard, once again thinking about the conversation from yesterday. She hadn't told Serena, though she didn't know if she actually wanted to. Would that make it worse in the blonde's eyes? Here Chuck is, handing his heart to Blair on a silver platter right when she needs it the most. But the more she thought about it, the more she believed she wouldn't be able to meet him later that day. It seemed way too dangerous. They were never going to be good together, and a baby would not solve the very real problems they were already facing.

"I don't want him to know, ok?" Blair said, her face gravely serious. She stood from the bed and yanked the bag with the tests away from Serena, who was frozen in place, "After today, he's never going to hear from me again."

Serena sighed dramatically, "Ok, B, I know you're feeling dramatic right now, but-"

"I'm serious, S," Blair warned, her voice barely above a whisper, "If this is real, he is never goinng to know. I will make sure he never finds out. I'll go spend some time with Daddy and Roman in France, far away from everyone I know. I'll figure out how to take care of it."

The brunette quickly shuffled into the bathroom connected to her luxurious bedroom. The door slammed shut behind her, and the loud sound of the lock clicking tore through the sudden silence of the room. Serena's mouth was gaping, then, and she blinked rapidly several times. There was so much going through her head that had only just started when she had received the call from Blair. Her mind was spiraling. She swallowed as she imagined a small Chuck or Blair to running around the penthouse, giggling delightfully, learning how to scheme at an incredibly young age. The thought sent a stab of pain to the back of her eyes as she rose from the bed and stomped up to the bathroom door, "Blair, I know you don't mean…you can't mean…"

Blair inhaled sharply from the other side of the bathroom door. She knew what Serena was assuming. She knew that the blonde automatically assumed that Blair would simply make the problem go away with the help of a doctor who's talents included secrecy. Blair panicked, wondering how she would even feel about that option after the pregnancy tests, "Do not patronize me right now, Serena. I have no idea how this even happened."

Serena couldn't stop her eyes from rolling, "Well, that's the one thing I do have an idea about, unfortunately."

Blair straightened her posture and pursed her lips, not that her best friend could see her do so, "That….that is in the past. That is _far_ in the past now. Yesterday was the last time I will ever see him, I'm certain of that."

"It couldn't have been too far in the past," Serena huffed, leaning up against the door. She could hear Blair messing with the boxes of the tests, the brunette's nervous breaths echoing loudly in the bathroom, "And wait, yesterday? When did you see Chuck yesterday?"

"We had a takedown that needed to be handled, nothing more," Blair said softly, dangerously. It was technically true. She had just purposefully failed to mention that Chuck proposed that she meet him at the top of the Empire State building later that day so they could figure things out for a future. A future together. The thought of it suddenly put a sour taste in her mouth as she removed each test from its box and gripped them tightly in her pale hands.

 _We're never going to be safe…_ Chuck's words still echoed throughout her body. Every inch of her was on fire and she felt her control snap. Tears stung her eyes and her voice grew shakey as she said, "Serena, I'm so scared."

Serena sighed a little longer than anticipated. She stretched one hand out on the bathroom door as if it was the equivolent of holding Blair's hand or placing a reassuring touch on her best friend's shoulder. It was the best she could do with the door still locked, "Do you want me to come in?"

Blair shook her head as she lifted her dress and prepared for the moment of truth, "Not yet." _What am I going to do?_

Serena sat outside of the door, the loud throbbing of overthinking in her ears drowning out the sounds of Blair taking the test. Chuck definitely had a right to know, didn't he? Especially if Blair was thinking of doing the unthinkable. Poor Chuck had never had a real family, so something inside of Serena told her that he would definitely have some strong opinions about what Blair should do. On the one hand, she owed it to Chuck to say something.

But Blair had called her in a state of desperation. Serena loved Blair without conditions, even when they were fighting. She knew that if she ever needed serious help, B would do everything in her power to make sure that things were taken care of. That's why she had bought her pregnancy tests (both times). That's why she had immediately come over without a moment's hesistation. Because, on the other hand, she owed it to Blair to stay quiet.

The minutes felt like lifetimes. Blair felt that she had lived and died several times as she waited in the bathroom, bent over the sink. Her hands were gripping each other as though she was praying, and maybe in a way she was. She was praying that time would go by faster. She was praying that, no matter what the test said, she would have the strength to not go to the Empire State building. That wasn't what she wanted or needed.

Serena's hand was beginning to perspire against the door, but for some odd reason the simple placement of her hand there was bringing comfort to herself. Blair needed her to be strong and supportive, so Serena would try her best, despite having never been in a situation like the one they found themselves in. She waited, patiently, for any sign from Blair that there was an update. She waited for what felt like hours, slowly imagining how different all of their lives would be if only Blair would do the right thing and tell Chuck.

The door was loudly and suddenly unlocked, and Serena quickly jumped back and waited for Blair to open it. The brunette did so slowly, and the look in her glassy eyes communicated the test results before her mouth did, "I'm pregnant."


	2. The Bitch is Back

Present Day: The Bitch is Back

Serena paced back and forth as the dial tone began to ring loudly in her ear. _Come on come on come on. Pick up._

She was alone in the Humphrey/Van der Woodsen apartment for the first time since she had moved back in and that alone caused her to freak out even more. Nobody was around to explode to, though maybe that was a good thing. She only had to warn one person and that person wasn't answering the phone.

Serena cursed under her breath despite being alone. She subconsciously thought that if she was quiet about it, the problem at hand wouldn't exist. The wishful thinking got her nowhere. She lifted a hand and began to rub her temple as she paced, something her mother often did when she was stressed out. _Am I suddenly becoming my mother, now?_ _Who am I?_

She ignored the horrific thought as the dial tone halted. She inhaled sharply and waited for a few painfully long seconds as she heard a slight scuffle and then a masculine voice, "Hey, Serena, what's up?"

"Nate," she said, her voice dripping with relief, "Thank god. There is about to be a crisis and I cannot handle this alone. I'm going to need your help."

Nate was taken aback by the urgency in her voice. He hadn't seen Serena in a while, and the last time they had seen each other was when Serena moved back in with Lily and Rufus almost six months before. He was confused to say the least, and the fact that he had just woken up didn't help with his thought process. His brows knitted and he ran a hand lazily through his hair as he sat up in bed, "What's wrong?"

Serena swallowed, hard, "Blair's coming back."

Nate felt his stomach drop, and his lips parted in surprise. He blinked rapidly and shook his head as though someone could see his denial, "How do you know? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, she's my best friend," Serena said, rolling her eyes and pacing a little faster, "But you can't tell him, Nate. He. can't. know."

Nate let out a small laughing sound that was anything but amused, "There's no way I can't tell him. If he finds out I knew and didn't tell him, he would kill me. You know he would."

Serena shook her head and continued to rub her temple, "No, Nate, he _cannot_ know. There's something else…"

* * *

Blair walked deceivingly calmly for a woman in her position. It was true that she had been both looking forward to and dreading her return to New York City for the past five years. For her, there was a sense of anticipation that came with her homecoming. She knew that everything would be different; that people who had once been relevant and important to her (for good reasons and for bad) would be living their own lives and she wouldn't be under the pressure of having to explain herself to them. Serena was the only person she intended to keep in touch with. Everyone else could continue living their lives without her.

However, she couldn't help but think back to all of the people she had left behind without an explanation. Nate, for example, had been oblivious and innocent in the entire mess, but it was still too difficult for Blair to remain friends with him after everything. She knew that, for all of Nate's love for her, he also had a love for Chuck that would lead him to spilling the secrets she'd fought to keep. She had decided long ago that a friendship with Nate was something she just couldn't afford.

And then, of course, there was Chuck. Blair could feel her stomach lurch at the thought of him. For all of her cruelty and her secrecy, she had loved him dearly. She hadn't run away because she didn't love him. She had run away because she did, and couldn't bear to. All of the emotions she had felt the last time she was in the Upper East Side seemed to occupy her mind for the first time in so long. She sighed, but continued to walk with pride as if none of it bothered her. She would be in New York for only a short while, but something told her that it would be an eventful span of time.

She slowed her steps until she was at a halt, her favorite Coach pebbled leather tote caught at the junction of her elbow, her hand propped up in the air. She smiled to herself and inhaled the thick New York City air. _The Bitch is back._

Blair glanced over her shoulder and waved her hand slightly, "Come on, darling."

A tiny girl in a blush pink Burberry classic trench coat with black trim and black Gucci ballet flats pranced up beside her, "Coming, mommy." _And she's not alone._

* * *

"Fuck," Chuck moaned, leaning his head back against the tiles so that he didn't completely collapse from pleasure. He was close, he could feel it tugging at his lower abdomen as she continued. The steam of the shower only added to the sensuality of the moment.

She was releasing her own moans of pleasure, for she liked being in the position of power when it came to their intimatacy. Chuck wasn't used to that, of course, but he welcomed it all the same. He was always willing to try new things, especially with her. The moans caused a vibrating in her throat that further stimulated his senses, and he thanked God for giving women the ability to do things like that.

He felt his release crash down upon him, and she quickly took care of that as well, smiling seductively. He had become obsessed with her mouth quickly, and moments like the one they were in only cemented how he felt about her, "God, I love you."

She stood, the water running down her skin in perfect streaks that painted her as somewhat of a goddess. He stared into her eyes, the beautiful dark orbs that had immediately captured his attention and his soul. Her dark hair fell down her naked back, straightened from the water. Everything about her was beautiful in that moment, and he couldn't imagine anything destroying the perfection that was his life.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I love you."

He smiled before leaning down and placing a sweet kiss on the side of her neck. He'd always had a weakness for an elegant neck, and her soft skin only made it that much more appealing. He sighed, happy.

There was a knock on the bathroom door then, and Chuck looked down at her, confused. The knock was quickly followed by the hesitant voice of his best friend, "Chuck?"

"I'm a little busy, Nathaniel," Chuck said, bending down to kiss her perfect lips, then.

Outside of the bathroom door, Nate cursed. Chuck obviously wasn't alone, not that that came as a surprise. They were always together. However, he needed to figure out if Chuck had heard anything, and he couldn't do that while _she_ was in there with him. It would just be awkward and confusing. Nate paused, thinking of what else he had to say before saying it, "Ok, well, I'll just catch up with you later. I'm going to meet a friend."

"A friend?" he heard her call from inside the bathroom, "Have you finally found someone you haven't told us about, Nate? You are going to need a date to the wedding, you know. You did indicate a plus one."

Nate smiled awkwardly, though they couldn't see the expression, "No, it's just Serena."

Chuck smiled down at her at the mention of their wedding. He had proposed to her only two months prior, and their wedding was planned to be in only four months. The fast paced nature of their engagement was something he hadn't been planning for, but welcomed nonetheless. He was certain that nothing could ruin the things he felt for her. He kissed her quickly and said, "Well, while my dear sister may have counted as a 'friend' at some point, she's already a part of the bridal party and therefore cannot be his plus one. She's right, Nate, you'll need to figure something out before you end up wasting my money."

Nate barely heard her whisper, "I'm always right."

The tone in Chuck's voice had been lovable, though mocking, and Nate rolled his eyes and sighed as he nervously remembered why he had knocked in the first place, "Alright, well, I better get going."

"Goodbye, Nathaniel."

"Bye, Nate! Tell Serena we said hey, we haven't seen her around here in a while."

Nate nodded, "Bye Chuck, bye Raina."

And with that, he exited the apartment that would soon no longer be his.


	3. The Return of the Queen

Return of the Queen

Blair sighed as she stepped out of the car, extending her hand shortly after so that her daughter could do the same. Dorota was there, waiting with a huge smile, to delegate the bags and welcome them home. Well, welcome Blair home.

"Oh, Miss Blair, I have not seen in so long and you have not change!" Dorota gushed, immediately running up to embrace her.

Blair smiled genuinely and returned the embrace. She had truly missed Dorota the most out of everything and everyone in New York. The Polish maid had remained loyal to her throughout her employment, though she had stopped being an employee long ago. She was a member of the family, one who everyone loved and accepted despite the obvious difference in responsibilities around the Waldorf/Rose penthouse.

Blair stepped aside so that Dorota could hug her daughter, as well. She made a face that resembled both adoration and sadness, and adressed the tiny girl directly, "Oh, Miss Audrey, you have change a lot! So big, so beautiful!"

The tiny girl giggled, and released her mothers hand so that she could fully embrace Dorota's legs. She'd shedded the pink trench coat due to the surprising heat of September in New York, revealing a one of a kind Eleanor Waldorf original black dress that perfectly complemented the slender black number that Blair was wearing.

Audrey Grace Waldorf mirrored her mother in more ways than met the eye. In fact, upon first glance, one would probably assume that Blair had just spit her out without the help or effort of any man. The tiny girl possessed brown eyes, slightly lighter than Blair's but dark brown all the same, with long, thick curls and charming, pouty lips. The only recognizable difference between the two of them was the fact that Audrey's hair was a much lighter brown, almost light enough to be considered a shade of dirty blonde.

Blair smiled and nodded with approval in Audrey's direction. She then turned to Dorota and asked, "Are my mother and Cyrus home?"

Dorota smiled and nodded eagerly, "They upstairs working on last moment plans for Mrs. Eleanor fashion show tonight. They can not wait to see you."

Blair sighed in content and looked over at the driver, who was unloading the bags from the back of the car, "Please give those to one of the gentlemen right here, please."

The bellhop outside of their building stood at attention and nodded at Blair in acceptance of the task. Blair grabbed one of Audrey's hands and ushered for Dorota to follow her inside, "So, you must tell me all about how Anastasia is doing, you guys haven't visited France since she was two and a half…"

* * *

Serena shook her leg nervous as she sat at the table, waiting for Nate. She'd told him. She'd told him about the fact that Blair had a daughter. However, Blair wasn't exactly giving her much to work with, considering she had decided to show up in New York practically unannounced with her daughter in tow. People were bound to be suspicious or, at the least, curious. Even if Nate wasn't aware of Audrey's paternity, he knew about her existence, and Serena hoped that that would at least allow the two of them to figure out what to do.

She swallowed as she thought about the fact that she was going to have to face him again. It had been a while, and she couldn't help but feel bad about what had happened between them. She hadn't spoken to him one on one like this in months, and her stomach lurched a little at the thought.

Nate entered then, his hair slightly messy. He waltzed up to her and eagerly sat down, "Sorry, the shower was…occupied. I didn't have a chance to take one."

Serena sighed and swatted a hand in the air as if to brush off his appearance. Which, in her opinion, was still an extremely pleasant sight, "It's fine. Not what I'm worried about right now. So, Chuck hasn't heard, then?"

Nate shrugged, "I mean, I guess not. I don't really know how he would have. The press hasn't picked up on Blair's visit, and Gossip girl hasn't been active in years."

Serena's shoulders visibily relaxed and she breathed in deeply, "Well, good. We can prevent them from ever running into each other and it will be fine. Blair doesn't know about the engagement yet, and Chuck doesn't know about her kid. It's going to be nearly impossible to keep Chuck from finding out but as long as they don't see each other, we should be fine."

Nate sat back in his seat and stared out the window of the café, "I just can't believe she ran away. And then, to come back with a kid. I don't even know what Chuck would say about that. Blair, hooking up with some random French guy? That doesn't sound like her."

Serena sighed, "What was she supposed to do, Nate? I mean, obviously she hadn't planned on getting pregnant as soon as she started her new life, but still. Blair knew that they were never going to work. She did what she thought was best at that moment, and that meant leaving Chuck alone for good."

When Blair had first told Serena about the possible pregnancy five years before, Serena had absolutely wanted her best friend to tell Chuck. She could remember fighting Blair about it numerous times before Audrey was born, and even after, it was hard for Serena to stomach the idea of Chuck's perfect daughter never knowing him. However, as the years progressed and Serena watched both Chuck and Blair grow in their own directions, she grew to understand. If they had been married with a child at the age of nineteen, they wouldn't have ever been able to do things they wanted to do independently. Blair would be limited to 'Chuck Bass's wife', and Chuck would have had to make every financial decision from that point on in a way that could benefit his family. Blair had explained to Serena that he still hadn't known how to take care of himself, so how could he expect to take care of both Blair and their child?

So, in that moment, Serena found herself inwardly pleased and saddened by the fact that she was fully able to defend Blair while knowing that she could agree with the brunette's reasoning. She agreed all too well.

The waiter brought her the tea that she had ordered, and she nodded a thank you in his direction. Nate shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket, "I just...so much has changed since she left. I don't even know what to say. Why did she decide to come back, anyway?"

Serena's lips pulled into a thin line and she took a quick sip of the tea. Nate watched her, slightly mesmorized, and never took his eyes away from her mouth as she said, "All she told me was that she had decided to come back for a bit to learn the ropes of her mother's fashion empire and that she wanted to see me as soon as possible."

Nate sighed, "And when will that be?"

"I'm going with her to Eleanor's fashion show tonight. Blair wants to keep a low profile, I think, so we will probably just stay backstage and catch up," Serena said plainly, "It's not going to be anything too big, just the debut of her winter and holiday lines for the upcoming season."

He watched her take another sip of tea and asked, "Is she going to bring… _her_?"

Serena set the teacup down in the saucer and crossed her arms, "Well, I don't know, Nate. But she's her child, not a house dog."

He nodded in consideration. If any of the tabloids caught wind of Blair being back, they would be all over it. Especially if she had a child with her after remaining silent for five years. Nate shrugged slightly to himself, accepting the impossible task of keeping Chuck away from Blair. _Great_.

"And what do you propose we tell Chuck if he sees?" he asked seriously.

Serena sighed, feeling the lies burn her tongue as she answered, "The truth. Blair had a brief string of dates with a french guy when she first got there. Audrey is his." _Liar._

Nate shook his head, but didn't complain. He tried to brush it off as best he could. Even if he didn't agree with Blair's choice to completely alienate Chuck, he was in no place to judge and _did_ agree that it was best to just keep Chuck in the dark about Audrey.

"What did she name her, anyway? You were in a rush earlier, you didn't tell me."

Serena smiled slightly at this. She had always adored the little girl, and had visited Blair and her daughter at Harold Waldorf's chateau as often as she could without raising the suspicions of her adopted brother. The thought that she was so close, so easy to just go and visit made Serena practically sing her answer, "Audrey Grace."

Nate smiled widely, "Same old Blair."

"Same old Blair," Serena repeated, shaking her head as if to communicate that she both loved and detested Blair for coming home. They both knew, deep down, that the plan was doomed to fail.

Nate's smile turned slightly ironic, and he placed his hands into the safety of his pockets, "It's really good to see you, by the way. I was wondering if we would have a chance to see each other again before the wedding."

She forced herself to smile, knowing full and well that the sadness she felt could not be shielded by the expression, "Yeah, it's good to see you, too."

* * *

Chuck adjusted his tie to perfection. It was a deep blue color, not quite as bright as royal blue but much lighter than navy. Raina had gotten it for him when they had first started dating, and he only wore it on special occasions. Today was special, for he was closing in on a purchase of an old hotel in Brooklyn that had a perfect view of the Manhattan skyline. The location, which at first seemed to leave a lot to be desired, was perfect for expanding the cliental Bass Industries would be working with while also maintaining the taste and city charm of every other property he had purchased since he had inherited the position on the board.

Raina continued to primp in the bathroom. He could hear her slightly humming to herself, a tune that he hadn't heard in years but could immediately recognize. He stared up at his own reflection and tried to avoid any thoughts of _her_ as he did so.

His fiancee's voice softly made its way to his ears, "Moon river, wider than a while…"

The familiar Breakfast at Tiffany's song caused his grip on his tie to tighten subconsciously, and he felt that if Raina didn't cease making noise in the next few seconds he would have a meltdown. It was strange…he hadn't thought about that song or about _her_ in so long. He shuddered slightly, and ignored his urge to say anything to Raina about it.

Luckily, she had just finished her routine and was exiting the bathroom, "Chuck, are you almost ready to go?"

He relaxed, still staring in the mirror, and saw the thin line of perspiration that had appeared above his brow. He swallowed, ignoring the aching in his chest that he had never been able to erase, and answered, "Yeah, I'm ready."

The nice thing about working with Russell Thorpe was that they agreed on at least one major thing: Raina. Chuck and Russell's initial interactions had been under strained circumstances, though once they were able to set aside their differences and agree to a partnership, they managed to birth an era of prosperity for the company. Raina, too, played a key role in the management of their affairs and contracts. She was always able to give an insightful perspective on a future endeavor, and was quick to correct anything or anyone who she saw fit. Her drive and power had been why Chuck had first noticed her and, after an alloted amount of time, fallen in love with her.

The beautiful Cartier floral halo ring commanded the attention of everyone who Raina came in contact with, and she wore it proudly. Chuck loved whenever people would comment on it, for the look in his fiancees eyes was nothing short of extremely happy. She really was a wonderful woman, and she was his.

So, he couldn't for the life of him understand why he still couldn't bear to hear that song. It was especially confusing because of his fascination with Raina's mouth and voice; anything that came out of her mouth was calculated and intelligent if not beautiful. He had no reason to grow nervous hearing her sing.

He inhaled sharply before exiting their bedroom and joining her on the elevator. Raina smiled at the fact that he was wearing the tie, "You look amazing."

"You _always_ look amazing," he said with one of his signiture smirks. He wrapped an arm around her waste and pulled her close, "If only we had a little bit more time before the meeting with Herbert Vance…"

She rolled her eyes but smiled, "No time, we already used every ounce of time _and_ energy this morning."

"I cannot deny that. You know what you do to me," Chuck said, shrugging slightly. He placed a short kiss on her cheek and asked, "What about tonight?"

Raina sighed and looked at him with a slightly disappointed look in her dark eyes, "You know Lily invited me to attend the fashion show with her. She wants us to be…close, I think. Anyway, she said you were welcome to join us, if you wanted, but that you could always just meet us for drinks at the after party."

Chuck pursed his lips. He had had to interact with Eleanor Waldorf indirectly over the past several years, and he saw no reason as to why he wouldn't be able to that night. As long as he was polite and brief, it would not have to be awkward between them. He nodded slowly, "I'll accept the latter. I have a lot of work to do for the property in Brooklyn, anyway, but drinks would be nice."

* * *

Eleanor practically ran across the penthouse when she heard the dinstinct click of the elevator. Cyrus followed shortly behind, his steps slightly shorter than his wife's. Blair, Dorota, and Audrey exited the elevator and were greeted with smiles, hugs, and more love than any of them could express in spoken words.

Blair could even swear she saw a tear mark down her mother's cheek as she kneeled down and planted a large kiss on the very tip of her granddaughter's nose. B smiled, genuinely. Everyone loved her little girl, as they should. Blair herself had never been a kind person and she knew that. Even when she was little, she had had a difficult time sharing and socializing, causing the other children to treat her as somewhat of an outcast until she managed to assert dominance over them. All she had to say for her reigning years as queen of the Upper East Side was that it had turned her cold. But the presence of Audrey in her life had changed everything. The tiny girl demonstrated childlike grace and sweetness in everything she did, a trait that Blair was completely unaware of the origins of. Her daughter could bring a smile to any face and could leave a lasting feeling of undeniable warmth in even the coldest of hearts. Blair knew that better than anyone.

"Your hair has gotten so long, Audrey," Eleanor said, taking Audrey's tiny hands in her own and smiling down at her as if she was every star in the sky.

"I know! I can do long braids just like my dolls have." Audrey smiled proudly, revealing light dimples in her pink cheeks. She then glanced up at Blair and asked, "Where did you put my dolls, mommy? I want to show Grandma."

"They're being brought up with all of our things, darling," Blair reassured her, "They'll be up here soon."

"Good," Audrey said. She then turned her gaze to Cyrus, who immediately got down on his knees and extended his arms for a hug. Blair smiled as she watched her daughter release Eleanor's hands and sprint into the arms of the most gentle man she had ever met.

"It is so good to see you, my princess," he said, planting a firm kiss on the side of her head. He glanced up at Blair and asked with a smile, "How long do you expect we will have the honor of having you two here?"

Audrey pulled away from the hug long enough to shout, "Forever!"

Blair outwardly laughed and crossed her arms over her chest, "Oh, not forever, sadly. But I do want her to see where I grew up, and I want to remain in the Upper East Side long enough for my affairs to be in order."

Eleanor nodded and stepped over to Blair so that she could give her daughter a surpringly long hug, "Well, we will take what we can get. I want to make sure we can prepare you for all of the future endeavors you're seeking with our help. But we won't pretend that we aren't taking a selfish interest in your needing my guidance in New York. We love that you will be staying with us. Cyrus and I have been learning a lot lately about the importance of a close family."

Blair glanced over at Cyrus and asked, "Is everything ok?"

"Oh, yes, everything is fine," Cyrus said, standing, "Aaron has just had more problems with the law lately and, well, it has just been stressful for all of us."

"Well, I am glad we could come and spend time with you two. As a family," Blair replied, nodding with sympathy, "Audrey and I have had a very long flight and I think we want to get some rest. Dorota, will you make sure all of our things arrive up to my old bedroom?"

Dorota nodded, "Of course, Miss Blair, you go get rest."

"Thank you," Blair said, reaching out to Audrey with one perfectly manicured hand. Her daughter smiled joyfully, bringing a wide smile to Blair's own face, "We want to make sure we are nice and refreshed for tonight. We both have fun things planned. And I'll have Dorota give you a full tour of the penthouse later, mommy is very tired right now."

Audrey agreed, "Ok, mommy. Let's go take a nap."

* * *

Several hours later:

Serena put the finishing touches on her makeup and stared at herself in the mirror, inspecting every inch of her tan skin and blonde hair to distract her from her nerves. She and Nate had decided to divide and conquer over Blair's visit; Nate would constantly make sure that Chuck didn't wander into any territory where Blair would be and Serena would steer Blair clear of any place that Chuck would be. Serena knew that her task would be easier, for Blair wholeheartedly agreed that it was best if she and Chuck didn't have anything to do with each other while she and Audrey were in New York. It was Chuck's delicate oblivion that they were all counting on to make things work.

Serena was wearing a short, red, formfitting dress that accented her long legs and slight curves. She wore a pair of classic diamond studs to match, along with a simple diamond necklace with a delicate silver chain. It was dressy, but comfortable, and communicated with grace that she was ready to be a prominent figure in society again.

She swallowed hard, remembering that she had to fully update Blair on the events of the last year. They had spoken on the phone a few times, but it was a lot to say without being face to face. S was certain that Blair would understand, though, given all that she had done for B.

Serena selected her favorite white Dior cloth clutch and prepared to exit the apartment without worrying her mother. Lily, of course, was already in the foyer, ready to attend the fashion show herself. The two of them had made their own distinct plans, as they had been doing for years. However, the fact that Serena was in the house once again made it downright uncomfortable.

Serena sighed slightly, and said, "You look very nice. Eleanor Waldorf's show?"

Lily nodded and smiled awkwardly, "Yes, and you as well?"

Serena nodded in return. They stood there for several minutes, both just looking awkwardly at their shoes or at one of the many works of art that decorated the apartment. The silence broke when both women heard the click of the elevator, and, at the same time, walked away and entered it.

Serena had told Lily about the possibility of Blair's return, though she didn't tell her when Blair was meant to visit or about the fact that Blair was bringing her daughter. There were, of course, many reasons for this. The first was that she didn't really speak to her mother. Things between them were still strained. The second was that it would further complicate things for Chuck and, truthfully, for Lily. Lily had been killing herself the past several years trying not to think about the fact that Chuck had a child somewhere. Serena had told her in strict confidence, and not even Blair knew that Lily was aware of Audrey's existence. It was a messy situation all around, but nineteen-year-old Serena had needed to tell someone or she would have exploded.

Serena sighed, secretly cursing herself for being such a great best friend.

* * *

Blair stood in front of the vanity of her old bedroom and felt something inside of her grow heavy with sadness. Her old room held so many memories, and the last time she had been in there seemed so far in the past that she could barely remember what it felt like to live there. The bed held so many feelings inside of it, feelings of guilt and regret involving the last man she had shared it with. The closet was full of all of her old things, things she had abandoned in New York for various reasons, things that Eleanor and Dorota hadn't had the heart to clean out 'just in case'. The portrait of Audrey Hepburn still hung prouldy above the headboard, displaying all of the grace and youth that Blair had had the last time she had called that room home.

The dress she had picked out was, of course, an Eleanor Waldorf original. It was her favorite shade a deep blue, one that accented the darkness of her eyes and hair while also adding a sense of grace. Blair had always had graceful features, and the high neckline, open back, and short hem of the dress turned that vintage gracefulness into something undeniably regal. She smiled at her reflection, pleased with her taste, and glanced down at her old jewelry case.

The Erikson Beamon necklace was still inside of it. She inhaled sharply as she remembered the night he had given it to her. She missed that feeling of being utterly adored, but she knew that those days were over for her. She had other things to focus on, and she knew that he did, too.

It was one reason she had come back at all. To shadow her mother. It was hardly as dramatic as Serena had made it out to be, but it was important that Blair establish herself as a high-end designer despite not having been in New York for the past five years. And, after she was able to create enough publicity with the help of her mother, she would take Waldorf designs to a new level in France. Away from New York once again, back to where she and Audrey had built a life together.

She chose a stunning pair of Tiffany sterling silver and pearl drop earrings and a pearl ring, delicately placed on her right-hand ring finger. She sighed, inspecting her hair for an addition moment before exiting her bedroom and descending the stairs.

Serena was already waiting for her at the bottom, wearing a stylish red dress that perfectly contrasted Blair's. For a moment, it felt as though no time had gone by, that they were the old B and S again. Fire and ice; they were ready to conquer the world together.

As soon as Blair reached the bottom of the stairs, they embraced. Blair threw her arms around Serena's waist and Serena threw hers around Blair's neck. It had been nearly a year and a half since Serena had visited France, so the blonde felt herself tearing up at the idea of finally having her best friend home. So much had happened, and it would have been so much better with Blair by her side. Things would have been so different.

"God, B, I missed you so much," Serena said, trying not to mess up Blair's hair in the process of the hug.

Blair sighed happily, "I've missed you so much. I've missed home so much."

They pulled away and just stared at each other for a minute, taking in the fact that they could be like themselves again for just a night. Serena could forget about all of the drama going on in her life. And Blair could forget about the fact that she was living a lie around New York City. For a few hours, they could just be backstage at one of Eleanor's shows, just like they had always done in high school.

Dorota and Audrey were sitting on one of the loveseats in the den, playing with Audrey's dolls. They were handmade and hand painted, purchased from a little French toymaker that Blair and Roman had discovered one day when walking through the little town square by the chateau. Audrey was obsessed with them.

"I got to show Auntie S my dolls. This one is my favorite. Her name is Caroline," the tiny girl said proudly, holding up a porcelain doll with two long brown braids. Dorota held up the other two as Audrey continued, "And those are Stephanie and Diana."

Serena smiled, her heart warmed by how much the little girl mirrored Blair in her tastes, "All princesses. Very cool!"

Audrey nodded quickly and enthusiastically, "I'm a princess and they are, too."

"Yes, you are," Blair smiled, and then quickly sighed, "Well, no time to waste. The sooner I can learn the ropes, the better."

"Goodbye, Miss Blair."

"Goodbye, mommy."

Blair crossed the room and quickly kissed her daughter on the forehead. She said, "You need to take your vitamins later, ok? Sometimes Dorota is very forgetful; you will need to remind her after I leave."

The tiny girl nodded, "I will. I am a big girl, I will tell her."

* * *

Nate plopped down on he and Chuck's couch and pulled out his phone. The apartment was so quiet that it almost annoyed him, because all he had to do was sit there and think about what he and Serena had decided.

Blair really had a kid. It was hard for Nate to believe, especially after having dated her for so long. At one point in his life, Nate had wanted to be apart of her future. He'd wanted to have a child with Blair. And even though those feelings were far in the past, it still made it all the stranger that she had gone through something so life changing in secrecy.

He dialed Chuck's number quickly, wondering what his best friend was up to.

Chuck quickly answered the phone, "Hello, Nathaniel. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hey man, I was just wondering where you were," Nate said casually, "I never had the chance to talk to you today. I thought maybe if you were free, we could meet for a drink later."

Chuck smiled to himself. He had figured that, with the wedding getting as close as it was, Nate would start to cling to their last bit of youthful friendship. He had sensed that the blonde boy would start to grow restless, and there he was, calling him up and randomly asking to talk and get drinks. It was endearing, "I'm meeting Raina tonight for drinks, but you're welcome to come with me. We could even get something to eat beforehand if you want."

Nate nodded, "Yeah, sounds great. I'll see you later."

* * *

Serena and Blair arrived at the fashion show before any paparazzi did. Eleanor had wanted Blair to study the set up, the seating charts, and the management of the models in ways that she hadn't in her youth. Blair had attended hundreds of fashion shows in her lifetime, but she was ready to learn how to run them herself. Serena just tagged along, watching Blair ask questions, watching Eleanor gush about how she'd worked her way up in the fashion world. It was all very informative and professional.

Serena bit her lip as the start of the show grew closer. She still hadn't had so much as a free moment to talk to Blair about anything serious. In the car, they just did the usual 'how are you' thing, where they asked about each other's jobs and love lives and everything else that didn't actually matter in their situations. Serena had so many questions, and so many concerns that she'd been unable to express. It would be even more difficult to do when the show started, because then Blair definitely wouldn't be paying attention.

"Hey, B? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Serena said awkwardly.

Blair swallowed hard and tried to pretend that she wasn't aware of what her best friend was going to ask her, "Is it something that we have to discuss right this minute, S? I'm a little busy as you can see."

Serena sighed, "Are we really not going to talk about this?"

"Talk about what?" Blair asked innocently, while at the same time handing the proper dress assignments to the models who were funneling out of hair and makeup.

"You know…Chuck," Serena whispered unintentionally. She could feel the weight of telling Blair about the engagement weighing down on her. Part of her believed that the brunette wouldn't care, and part of her believed Blair would have an internal war with herself over it. Despite the impulse decision to leave, Blair had loved him, "How long are you going to be back, because he doesn't know you're here, and, well…"

"He will probably find out through some sleezy newspaper article or something," Blair said, trying her best to act nonchalant about the mention of his name. She couldn't remember the last time she had said his name outloud, and she didn't want to do it then, either, "We will go on living our separate lives. It's called growing up."

Serena nodded, "I agree, but what if that doesn't work? What if he finds out about Audrey and starts asking questions? I told Nate what you always tell people when they ask…"

Blair stopped, "Wait, Nate knows?"

"I thought it would be good for him to at least know she exists, just in case Chuck happens to find out. He can help diffuse the situation without getting you involved at all," Serena said, uncomfortable with the topic then. Blair's dark eyes began to glare at her for a moment, though they softened slightly.

Blair knew she had a role to play, and knew that if she couldn't pretend to not care then it would paint her as regretful, which she wasn't. Most of the time, "Well, I suppose he was going to find out sooner or later, anyway. What did he say?"

Serena relaxed at the informal tone of Blair's voice, "He was…surprised. And confused. He said that sleeping with a random french guy didn't sound like you."

"Oh, because randomly abandoning the Upper East Side and dropping out of college sounded _so_ much like me," she asked sarcastically, suddenly on edge. She rolled her eyes and inhaled softly, trying to regain composure as she said, "I'm sorry. Being back here has just…I'm all over the place."

Serena nodded, "Me too. I have so much to tell you."

"We can talk soon, I really have to get these models ready," Blair said, prancing away to find one of the dresses that was missing from the rack.

"Wait Blair, there is one thing that I wanted to tell you about that involves _him_!" Serena cried, though Blair was already too far out of reach to hear. She had missed her narrow window to tell Blair about Chuck and Raina. _Damn it._

* * *

Blair watched the show from back stage, eerily glancing at all of the faces in the audience. She knew that someone would be there who would tell Chuck about her presence, even if that someone happened to be a reporter for the New Yorker or something. She sighed, wondering if it was even worth it to try to prolong the secrecy of her presence in New York. People were bound to find out eventually, and it wasn't as though she was all that worried about it. The only reason she was worried was because of Audrey.

However, Blair knew that she would have to have her face in the press before too long, if she hoped to be successful in fashion. Her mother would see to that. And she was not ashamed of Audrey, she simply didn't want anyone to find out the truth about her. Serena, Eleanor, Dorota, and herself were the only people on that side of the Atlantic who knew the truth about Audrey Grace and it was going to stay that way.

Serena was standing beside her, completely silent. It was suspicious, because Blair had heard her start to tell her something earlier, but the brunette just shrugged and watched as the runway was painted with way too much white lace and silver.

The show seemed to last forever for Serena. She occassionally tried to peek out and see if she could find her mother in the audience, but she fiigured Lily must have been on the other side of the stage and therefore was concealed to them. It didn't matter, though. It wasn't as if Serena was going to go up and talk to her.

Serena wasn't talking to anyone. Blair was too mesmerized by the show to have a serious conversation, though part of Serena believed that B was simply avoiding the topic once again. It wouldn't be out of character for her. In fact, that was probably the most Blair thing that Blair had done in the past five years. It almost made Serena a little bit happy to see her best friend resorting to her old, petty ways.

Blair casually glanced over at her, clipboard in hand, and asked, "So how is Nate, by the way? Do you still talk to him a lot?"

Serena sighed, shaking her head, "No, not really. It had been months since I'd seen him, but I called him as soon as I had found out you were here."

"Why hadn't you seen him in months? Did something happen?" Blair asked, her brows slightly knitting. It wasn't like Serena or Nate to let one of their closest friends go. That was more of a Blair thing to do, which she could admit, even if she did hate that about herself.

"Another time, B," Serena said, exhaling deeply. It was too heavy a subject to talk about in the midst of the things around them. Bright light, beautiful clothes, and rich people who had never had known suffering. Serena changed the subject, "Hey, so what I was going to say earlier…"

Blair shook her head, "No need. I already know."

Serena blinked, "You do?"

"Of course, I haven't been living under a rock for five years. He has somebody," Blair said, watching the show again as if the subject was small talk for her.

"Well that was easier than I thought it was going to be," Serena said, her voice full of relief.

Blair smiled and shrugged, "Again, we are adults, and I burned that bridge a long time ago. I'm glad he has someone to spend time with."

Serena nodded, obviously happy with the outcome of the conversation.

Blair had read in the society pages about Chuck's new woman when they had started dating. She couldn't help herself. She hadn't even paid attention to who the girl was, let alone looked through the pictures of them. It wouldn't have helped her at the time. It had been about two years before, and the very sight of his name seemed to bring her comfort. She'd missed him terribly, even if she couldn't afford to. He probably hated her, and she would understand why if he did. She would have hated herself, probably.

However, it didn't bring her joy that he had someone to make him happy. No matter how many times she had told herself that it would eventually happen, that eventually he would find someone else, it didn't hurt any less. Every time Blair looked at Audrey, she was reminded of Chuck. There was something about the way the little girl smiled that looked like him (the few times he genuinely smiled rather than smirked). She felt a knot forming in her throat, and was thankful that Serena had not prolonged the conversation.

Over the years, her opinion of Chuck had changed dramatically. She'd loved him still when she left; her heart was broken, but she couldn't stay. She had an entire life planned out and it was all crushed in a matter of seconds when she'd seen the test results. She couldn't destroy Chuck's life, too. She knew that he would have given up everything for her and for their baby, but she wouldn't let him do that. She didn't even give him the option, because she knew that he still had a lot of growing up to do before he could ever truly love anyone.

After she'd had Audrey, though, everything changed. Blair was introduced to a new kind of love, a kind that didn't include pain or regret. It was the purest thing she had every felt for anyone, and she knew that she had made the right choice. She and Chuck could never love each other like that. She'd spared him and they were both better off that way.

And, over the years, she had hardened into the person she was that night, standing with Serena. The person who didn't want to care, but did, and who knew she could never do anything to erase the decision she'd made. She didn't love Chuck anymore, that was long gone. But there was still a feeling that something was missing from her life, one that had appeared as soon as she'd gone to France, one that had never fully disappeared aside from that brief period after having Audrey. She frowned at the thought of it.

* * *

Chuck waited for Nate at Butter that night. It was weird, sitting down and having a meal together. Chuck couldn't remember the last time he had gone out to eat just to talk and enjoy himself. It seemed that dinners were always either for business or to make Raina happy. It wasn't necessarily a chore to make his fiancée happy, though it did seem that sometimes he found himself going out of his way in ways that were unfamiliar to him. He had always gone out of his comfort zone for _her_ , but for some reason, he had felt that that was different.

He couldn't even think her name. Five years later and he couldn't. He'd thought his life was going to look so different when he'd gone to the Empire State Building, though she had held true to her word: she didn't come. And he never heard from her again.

It was silly, to randomly think about her when things were going so well. He supposed that over time, he would continue to remember her less and less. He had forgotten the way that she smelled, besides the fact that he knew he'd loved it. He had forgotten the smallest details about her, like specific facial expressions and gestures that she hadn't made all that often. Things he used to know to a tee, hadn't been relevant in a long time. So, he'd forgotten them, and he was proud of himself for it.

She'd left out of nowhere, and he would be lying if he said he didn't hate her.

Nate entered the restaurant and smiled when he saw Chuck. He was still wearing his suit and deep blue tie from work, though Nate had never known Chuck to dress casually. It was always a suit or nothing. The second didn't sit as well with him as the first, so he tried to avoid interrupting Chuck and Raina's moments of intimacy.

"Hey man, how's it going?" Nate asked. Chuck stood as he approached the table, and the two gave each other a very quick, very masculine hug before sitting down to eat.

Chuck smiled, "I'm closing in on a deal for the old Lancaster Hotel in Brooklyn. Bass Industries is going to modernize it and slowly turn it into a place of luxury."

Nate nodded and blinked, "Very nice. Glad to hear you're expanding your pallet."

"I am," Chuck said shortly, "It's time for a change, I think."

They talked about everything that was easy to talk about: how work was going for Nate at the Spectator, how wedding plans were coming, how time was moving way too fast for both of them. It was nice to feel young and free again, and Chuck relished in the presence of his best friend. He wanted Nate and Raina to be closer than they were, though he also knew that once Nate was moved out and Chuck was married, they wouldn't hang out like they used to. So, for just that night at least, they were best friends again, not worried about anything else.

Time flew by quickly, and after they ate, Chuck stood and pulled out his phone, "Raina is with Lily at an afterparty, I told her I would plan on swinging by if I could. Again, you're welcome to join us."

Nate nodded, and glanced down at his outfit. It was just a suit jacket and no tie, and he couldn't decide whether or not it was an appropriate attire. He was used to dressing down, though, so he stood and ushered Chuck toward the exit, "Yeah, let's go. It's been a while since I've seen your fiancée fully clothed."

Chuck laughed and shook his head.

* * *

Blair could feel, in the depths of her core, that she needed a drink. It had been a long flight and her body was going to be recovering for several days, but a drink sounded like a good idea. It was already hard to be back. It would be hard not to see Nate or Chuck or...well, that was everyone she really talked to aside from the Brooklynites for a that brief lapse in Serena's judgement. Blair couldn't remember the last time she had even thought about the name 'Jenny Humphrey'.

She blinked back to reality and glanced around the room. The Waldorf afterparty was a jewel on the crown that was the fashion industry. Everything was perfectly planned, perfectly executed. The guest list was exquisite. The decorations were flawless. And Blair, well, she was completely unraveling. Society events had been a thing of her past, but that night she would be herself again.

Serena went to grab them glasses of champagne, and Blair had casually started conversations with some of the society women she recognized. Older women with newer body parts than even Audrey possessed, clinging onto what little youth they had left with petty gossip and judgements about everyone they saw. They were bored with their husbands, disappointed in their children, and completely unhappy with their pointless everyday lives. Blair sighed, knowing that she would have ended up just like them if she'd stayed.

Serena waltzed up to a man in a black and white suit who looked like he knew what he was doing and asked, "Can I get two glasses of champagne, please?"

The man nodded and pranced away quickly. She sighed, pleased, and patiently waited for his return. Her phone vibrated in her clutch, and she removed it promptly.

 **Nate: Hey, Chuck and I are about to go get drinks with Raina. How are things going at the show? Did you get a chance to talk to Blair?**

Serena sighed as she began to type.

 **Serena: Yeah, things went alright. She seemed to know about Raina already, so that was a relief. But we aren't at the show anymore, we're at the afterparty.**

Serena sent the message and placed her phone back in the small clutch.

The music shifted suddenly, and Blair immediately recognized the familiar tune. The music for the fashion after parties was always without words or catchy beats, though this one Blair knew all too well. She found herself subconsciously mouthing the words as she waited for Serena to return with the drinks. _Moon River, wider than a mile…_

She looked up across the room and saw Lily Van der Woodsen. Or Bass. Or Humphrey? She couldn't remember, though she was pretty certain that Serena had mentioned Lily and Rufus were still married. Beside her was a gorgeous woman with beautiful coffee colored skin, long black hair, and a flattering beige dress. Blair immediately didn't like her, though she couldn't tell if she had ever seen her before or not.

Blair crossed the room and Lily halted her conversation with the girl. The older blonde woman's face communicated that she'd had no idea about Blair's arrival, and her eyes grew wide with something Blair could only recognize as fear, "Blair Waldorf."

Blair smiled slightly, "Hello, Lily. It's good to see you."

The black-haired girl with Lily took a step back, her mouth opening slightly as she did so. She was holding a glass of champagne, proudly bearing a near perfect diamond on her finger. Her brows knitted together, and she seemed to study Blair's face as though she knew her and somehow distrusted her. It took everything in Blair not to scoff at the girl's reaction.

Across the room, the man returned to Serena with the two glasses of champagne, and she happily took them. However, when she glanced up at the area where she'd left Blair, she found that the brunette was gone. She blinked, casually looking around to see where her best friend had wandered off to.

That's when she saw it; Blair was standing with Lily and Raina, an utterly confused look on her face. Serena gasped and immediately started quickly in their direction. _Oh fuck_.

Nate and Chuck entered the room right as Nate had received the text.

 **Serena: Yeah, things went alright. She seemed to know about Raina already, so that was a relief. But we aren't at the show anymore, we're at the after party.**

That's when he saw it, but before he could turn them both around and retreat, Chuck halted his steps and the room seemed to go silent. Nate froze. _Fuck fuck fuck._

Blair was talking with a mortified Lily and a confused Raina.

Chuck felt his entire body go numb in that instant. He swore that he was imagining it, that he was asleep and it wasn't real. It was the worst thing he could have pictured and it was happening right in front of him. His first love and his current love, both right in front of him. Blair was wearing a deep blue dress, one that perfectly matched his tie, and the fact that her back was exposed to him only made the situation worse. He couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect view, or a less perfect time for it. _Fuck, is it really her?_

Lily and Raina's eyes both met Chuck's, and he approached them slowly, his legs barely obeying his mind telling them to move. His mouth went dry. His hands began to shake slightly. Everything in him told him to just turn around and walk out of the venue, but he pushed forward.

Blair looked at Raina and Lily, confused by their sudden shift of gaze falling behind her. She turned to see what was so interesting, and felt her entire body grow warm when she saw him. His face held so much confusion and pain that she wanted to immediately start crying. It was exactly what she had wanted to prevent upon her return, and it took her all of one day to achieve it. Just her luck.

He walked right up to her, ignoring everyone else in the room.

"Blair?"

"Chuck."


	4. I'm Crossing You in Style

I'm Crossing You in Style

Chuck could barely think as Serena immediately crashed the bombshell of a reunion and swiftly led Blair out of the ballroom where the afterparty was being held. Nate stood behind him, completely dumfounded, and Chuck's brows knitted in bewilderment. Was it really her? Was he dreaming that she'd returned, as he had done a thousand times before?

Raina and Lily looked just as baffled as Blair had by his entrance. He shook his head in disbelief, saying absolutely nothing as he glanced back and forth between them. Lily's lips were still parted in surprise, the look in her eyes slightly embarrassed, as though she had just witnessed something as intimate as a declaration of love for the first time or a private proposal. Raina's brows were raised as though she expected some sort of explanation, a feeling that Chuck himself shared. He exhaled loudly in utter disbelief.

He turned and looked at Nate, who's hands were buried so far in his pockets that it was a wonder they were still attached to his arms. His eyes were surprised, yes, but not in the same way as the rest of theirs. Instead, Nate's expression looked guilty. Chuck's eyes narrowed, "Nathaniel, a word outside, please?"

Raina's face looked scorned, then, and she stepped forward as if to speak. Lily raised a hand in her direction, silently stopping her from protesting Chuck's dismissal of the two men.

Nate nodded awkwardly, and hung his head as he turned around, approached the doors, and exited the room. Chuck followed slowly, careful to keep his composure while his fiancée was still within earshot.

As soon as they were outside, though, Chuck immediately grabbed Nate by the collar of his jacket and asked, "Did you or did you not know that she was back?"

Nate gulped slightly, "Well, man, I-"

"So, you did," Chuck cut him off, sighing shortly with disappointment, "And you didn't think that would be information I would want to hear?"

"Look, Chuck, I can explain," Nate pleaded.

"Don't bother," Chuck spat acidly. He released the blonde's jacket and took a step back, running a fistful of fingers through his hair in an attempt to recollect his thoughts.

Blair was really back after all that time. Chuck couldn't grasp the idea of her having been so close once again. He'd briefly been within feet of her. He could smell her perfume, see her facial expression change from confused to terrified, as he was sure his had mirrored. Blair, his first true love, his first true heartbreak, was back in New York and nobody had warned him.

Nate sighed, "Chuck, please…"

Chuck felt a knot form in the back of his throat as he tried to form his thoughts into words. There was nothing that he could say that would display his level of agony in that moment. He had thought he would never see her again, and while the nostalgia of seeing those dark brown eyes stirred in his stomach like butterflies, he also felt something more painful, more intense burning in his chest, and it wasn't a good thing.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Serena and I thought it would be best if we could keep you two apart as long as possible," Nate said, swallowing hard, "We knew you would find out eventually, it's just…we didn't think it would be so soon. And we didn't think it would be because you ran into her."

Chuck released a sardonic chuckle and flashed a smirk that was anything but delighted, "Of course, of course. So, the two of you waited to tell me because you didn't think that Blair and I would happen to see each other at her mother's show that she was attending and I was also invited to?"

Nate shrugged, "We didn't know…when you said 'meeting for drinks' I didn't think…"

Chuck shook his head, "How long has she been back?"

"She got back this morning."

"Well, excellent work, both of you, that lasted long," Chuck said, laughing ironically to himself. It was just his luck. Blair was back in New York, just when he had finally come to terms with hating her.

* * *

The next morning:

Blair couldn't remember the events of the night before following her interaction with Chuck. He'd said her name, she'd said his, and the rest was a blur. In that moment, she hadn't been able to think about anything else.

He had been so surprised. Blair, too, had been surprised, though she could remember also thinking that it wasn't real. Chuck had looked so…not like Chuck. His face was more mature; his jawline was more pronounced and she could see the hints of a dark beard that was going to need to be shaved in the morning. His suit had been absolutely pristine, coupled with a deep blue tie that matched her dress perfectly. His brown eyes were vulnerable while his overall facial expression had been skeptical. Blair would never forget the look on his face, yet she also wouldn't remember how quickly things had changed. One moment they were staring at each other, saying nothing after uttering each other's names, and the next moment Serena was on her, ushering her towards the door and saying something to Nate under her breath.

Audrey danced around the room singing 'Wouldn't it be loverly' from My Fair Lady. Blair watched her, amazed, as the tiny girl managed to jump and twist all while belting her heart out as though the song was her anthem. B couldn't help but smile wide.

Dorota entered the room, bringing a hot tea for Blair and some orange juice for Audrey Grace. Such was tradition; Blair and Audrey always ate a croissant and drank their respective drinks first thing in the morning. Even if Blair had a very busy day planned, she knew that she would always make time in the morning to sit and have breakfast with her daughter.

Blair's smile slowly faded, though, as Dorota stood beside her that morning. The polish maid had dropped off the croissant and said nothing more, though to Blair, the silence seemed to be screaming at her to tell her about the night before.

"Alright Dorota, fine, I will tell you," Blair said, rolling her eyes. She spoke softly enough that Audrey couldn't hear her over her own singing voice, so as not to disturb her.

One of Dorota's brows flew up in question, "I sorry, Miss Blair?"

"I saw Chuck last night, I admit it," Blair said, shaking her head with disappointment, "I hadn't planned on seeing him. It was all a huge case of miscommunication that Serena and Nate probably could have avoided if either of them had any sort of deductive skills."

Dorota frowned, "Miss Blair…"

"I know, I know, I'm disappointed that it was so soon, too," Blair said as she took a sip of her tea, "I really should have known better than to be so public so soon. Chuck was never going to leave me alone. It's not in his nature, you know. Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair, I knew he would figure out some way to-"

"Miss Blair."

"-find me. And it isn't like that was his usual social scene! I was simply sticking to what I knew, forgive me for thinking I was safe at my mother's own show!"

"Miss Blair, you told me these already," Dorota said, sighing.

Blair straightened her posture and knitted her eyebrows, "I did?"

"Twice."

"Oh, I thought I had dreamt those conversations," Blair said, looking down at the perfect croissant on her plate and shaking her head, "I'm going crazy, Dorota. It has struck already. I've succumbed to that Basstard's intimidation and persistence. I hate him."

"Miss Blair, did you speak to Mister Chuck?" Dorota asked.

Blair shrugged, "Well, not really. Serena rushed me out pretty quickly. I didn't think she could move that fast in her Jimmy Choo's but obviously the world still has a few surprises left."

"Have you spoken to Mister Chuck since?"

"Well…no," Blair said, becoming more and more conflicted about her state of mind, "But even if he had contacted me I wouldn't have answered. The last thing I wanted in coming here was to see him." _Lies._

"Miss Blair, always so dramatic. None of that matter," Dorota said, looking down at Blair with a pitying expression, "Only thing that matter is sitting at table drinking orange juice."

Blair looked up at Audrey, who was still in her own world. The tiny girl's hair was pulled back into a perfect ballerina bun that exhibited her long neck and feminine profile, both things she unmistakably inherited from her mother. Blair smiled sadly and nodded.

"I know that. I feel that in my core," Blair said, placing the mug of tea down on the table and exhaling slowly. Her fingers were shakily lightly, though she continued to grip the handle of her mug in an attempt to still them.

"Then why are you so worried about Mister Chuck?" Dorota asked, her tone full of reason, "Miss Audrey happiness and safety all that matter."

Blair stiffened. She knew why she was so worried, and it involved that rock on Raina's finger she'd immediately seen, "Because I…I think he's engaged."

"I thought you knew this, Miss Blair?"

Blair shook her head violently and placed a cool, pale hand on her forehead, "No, Dorota, I knew he was seeing someone, but I didn't know it was serious. I didn't know he… _loved_ her. I didn't know he was capable of such a thing and I suppose it just upset me deeply. I mean, you can't exactly blame me, given the history of a certain 'girlfriend traded for a hotel' incident."

Dorota made a confused face, "But Miss Blair, he loved you-"

"No, Chuck Bass can't love anyone besides Chuck Bass," Blair said, feeling her scorned pride rearing its ugly head. Part of the reason she left was because she felt that he couldn't love her. He couldn't love anyone because he didn't love himself.

Blair shivered. She and Serena had had the same conversation years before, over and over until Blair had finally gotten tired of the thought of Chuck and the Empire State Building. Serena had tried to reason with her, had tried to convince her that he was more capable of human emotion than B had previously thought, but the efforts were lost on the brunette. She had made up her mind, and that was the end of that. Serena eventually gave up trying and, strangely, eventually agreed that Blair had made the best decision at the time.

She frowned, sulking back in her seat slightly. She was already tired of discussing it with Dorota, for her argument had lost most of its weight. If he was engaged to be married, he was clearly able to love someone now. The problem had obviously just been her. He just wasn't capable of loving her.

Blair supposed she had always known that, and that is why she'd known that if she'd told Chuck about the existence of their child, they both would have been miserable. She shooed Dorota away with one hand, and used the other hand to prop her chin up as she leaned on the table. She sat there, watching her daughter dance as though nothing in the world mattered.

Blair found herself smiling, because as soon as she allowed herself to unwind and remember Audrey's sweet disposition toward life, she understood that nothing else did.

* * *

Raina stirred that morning, and Chuck tried to pretend that he hadn't been wandering in and out of consciousness all night. He was haunted by the idea that after all that time, Blair was back to torture him through no intentional action on her part. Her presence in the city alone was going to cause problems for him, and if there was any of the old Blair left in her at all, she was aware of that.

She'd left him. He'd waited at the Empire State Building, the small Harry Winston box burning a hole in his jacket pocket and the pink peonies in hand, for as long as he had promised to and she didn't show up. He'd threatened that he would close his heart to her forever, but after that night it was obvious that she had done so first.

When they had gotten home the night before, Raina had refrained from asking any questions about what had happened. He had told her about Blair, of course, but hadn't shared the details of how they had ended or how he had felt about her. He had simply said that Blair had been the only other woman he had been serious with, but that those days were in the past and she had left New York following their split. As he laid in bed that morning, he internally chuckled as himself, as though 'Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck' was really able to be reduced to that.

Raina stretched slightly beside him, and scooted closer to him to that she could lay her head on his chest. His eyes were wide open, his arms tucked gently under the back of his head as he stared up at the ceiling. Raina sighed, "Good morning."

"Good morning."

She blinked, her eyelashes lightly tickling his chest, "Are we ever going to talk about last night?"

Chuck hesitated before saying, "Yes."

"Right now?" she asked, her voice containing slight hope.

"I'd prefer not to," he said, no hesitation that time.

"I don't know how you expect me to feel, Chuck," Raina said sadly, "You told me that you two had ended it years before we began. That she was just your high school sweetheart and that she meant absolutely nothing to you now."

"She doesn't," Chuck said quickly. He was impressed by how much he believed the stern tone of his own voice. He wanted to believe it.

"Well, it clearly bothers you, and as your fiancée, I don't really know what to make of it," she sighed. She propped herself up with an elbow so that she could look at him, "Chuck, do you…still feel something for her?"

Chuck didn't meet her gaze, "I feel nothing pleasant towards her, if that's what you're asking." _Nothing pleasant at all._

Raina wasn't convinced, "If you do, I think you should tell me now. I mean, if you're having any second thoughts about the wedding, then-"

"I'm having no second thoughts about the wedding," he said, cutting her off from suggesting what he had expected her to think the night before. He sighed. It was completely unfair to Raina for him to feel as conflicted as he did about the fact that Blair was so close. Raina was consistent. Raina loved him, obviously more than Blair had. Raina would never leave him. He looked up at her, "I love you. Blair Waldorf was dead to me before last night, ok? I was just taken aback. I hadn't seen her in years. Now she will just continue to be dead to me and we will continue doing this."

He rolled on top of her, pinning her to their bed as he kissed her passionately. Raina squirmed happily underneath him, and though he was happy, too, he couldn't help but think about how different it would be if Blair hadn't left. How different it would be if he didn't hate her. It would be the two of them there in bed, welcoming the day with passion.

* * *

"Now that I have had the chance to provide some damage control, would you mind telling me what the hell happened last night?" Serena asked angrily as Nate slid into the seat by the window in the café.

Nate sighed. He had been spoken to a lot in that tone in the past fifteen hours and he didn't appreciate it, even if he did deserve it, "I didn't know that Chuck and I were meeting Raina at the after party. He just said drinks when I'd talked to him about it beforehand."

Serena rolled her eyes. She had to admit that she, too, could have avoided Blair and Chuck running into each other had she spoken to her mother about who she was attending the show with. Lily and Raina going together would have been an automatic red flag.

Serena sighed heartily, "That was a disaster. I can't believe we let that happen."

"Me neither," Nate agreed sadly, "Has Blair said anything about it to you?"

The blonde shook her head, "She was surprisingly silent on the way back to the penthouse. I think she was too shocked to say anything, but we will see if she talks to me about it at all today."

Nate nodded, "Chuck yelled at me a bit, which I probably deserved. But he seemed calm enough by the time that was over, and then he and Raina went straight home."

Serena met his gaze, "So the two of them are ok?"

"I'm assuming so, after I heard what I did coming from their room this morning," Nate said, a disgusted look on his face, "Sometimes I can't wait to move out."

She sat back in her seat, "Huh, well that's good. I guess the end of the world didn't actually come last night."

He shrugged, "Not yet, at least. As long as we can keep him from finding out about Audrey until Blair leaves, we should still be golden."

Serena nodded slowly, "Yeah, seems like it. And only four months until the wedding, anyway. Four months isn't so far away."

They both smiled uncomfortably, neither one wanting to admit that a lot of shit could still go down in four months.

* * *

Blair straightened her back and turned to her mother, who's glasses were on the edge of her nose. The older woman's expression was completely unreadable as she flipped through the pages of some article, the room full of more silence than Blair could handle.

Audrey was upstairs getting dressed. After breakfast, Blair had promised her daughter that the day would be fun. The little girl was excited to explore the loud city that her mother had grown up in, but there was something inside Blair that hesitated. What if she was rushing into this? What if being seen in public with Audrey was not a good decision for her just yet? She sighed, hating that she felt the need to hide the tiny girl. It wasn't as though she could do so forever, but the fast-paced arrival and awkward run in with Chuck had her thoughts scrambled and her desires flipped upside down.

She chewed on her lower lip, "Mother, I think Audrey wants to go out into the city today."

Eleanor looked up briefly, "What? Why? Isn't she tired?"

Blair shrugged, "I suppose not. But she loves going on adventures, I think I might take her to feed the ducks. It's been a long time since I did that myself."

Eleanor made a disgruntled sound, and shifted her weight in the chair, "Are you sure that's a good idea, darling? It was only yesterday that you ran into him. You may want to think about taking things a little slow."

Blair frowned, "It's not like we are talking about sex, mother. She's my daughter. I can't keep her locked up."

"One could argue that the subject of your daughter involves sex all the same, even if it was several years ago," Eleanor said, snorting at herself lightly, "But I understand that you want her to enjoy herself here. I do, too. I just don't want a repeat offense of the after party."

"There won't be one," Blair said, "The city is huge, and I haven't talked to him in years. It's more than likely that I will never see him again."

* * *

Chuck hung up the phone. He had a meeting with Herbert Vance about the new hotel across the Brooklyn Bridge in a few hours, and he hadn't made any plans for lunch. In all honesty, he wasn't hungry for anything but answers, and those weren't going to come. He sighed.

Outside of his office, his secretary, Anna, began to speak, "Oh yes, Mr. Thorpe, he's right inside, though his lunch break begins in about five minutes."

"Thank you, Miss Stepp," the familiar voice of his future father-in-law boomed before he entered Chuck's office. The expression on his face was deceivably joyful as he closed the door behind him, "Chuck, I wanted to talk to you for a minute before your lunch."

Chuck gestured to one of the chairs across from his desk, "Please, you know you're always welcome."

"I appreciate that," Russell said, taking the seat shortly. He crossed his leg and placed a hand on his knee, his face unamused, "So, Raina told me about the bit of drama last night."

Chuck shook his head, "Russell, I-"

"Ah, let me finish," he said, silencing Chuck quickly, "She also said that you made sure she didn't feel at all insecure following your run in with Miss Waldorf."

Chuck sat back against his chair, a pleased expression dancing across his face, "Well, I'm glad to hear that. Doubt was the last thing I wanted Raina to feel."

Russell nodded in agreement, "Chuck, you've always been a bold man. In business, in clothing, in your personal life prior to my daughter," he paused, "And I hope that we have a mutual understanding of that fact that her happiness means a great deal to me."

"We do," Chuck said, suddenly skeptical.

"Good," Russell glanced around the grand office, "When I signed on to help you keep Bass Industries afloat, I was doing you a huge favor because I had worked with your father, you know that, right?"

"Yes," Chuck whispered.

Russell sat up, moving to the point that he was sitting on the edge of his chair, "So it would be fair to say that you owe it to me not to fuck anything up, yes?"

Chuck blinked, "Russell I already told you that-"

"I know what you told me. And I want to make it very clear that that better not change. Raina's happiness is very important to me: more important than my affiliation with Bass Industries. Do you know what I'm saying, Chuck?"

Chuck clenched his teeth and simply nodded, "I do."

"All of the investors I had to persuade, all of the business deals I closed on could all go away should anything happen to my baby's happiness. You would do well to keep that in mind if you're thinking of speaking to Miss Waldorf," and with that, he stood and exited the office.

Chuck exhaled sharply as though he had been holding his breath. He needed some fresh air. He needed a drink.

* * *

"Oh, mommy, I love them!" Audrey Grace cried as the ducks all approached her. She was throwing out bread at a crazy pace, brutally grabbing handfuls from the loaf and tossing them at the hungry ducks.

Blair chuckled slightly, "Darling, you need to throw smaller pieces or you'll run out too quickly."

Blair was seated on a bench behind the small duck pond located in Central Park. It had been one of her very favorite places to go, all the way up until she'd left. She sighed as she remembered the last time she'd been there. It seemed like a life time ago.

Dorota waddled about as she passed more bread to Audrey. Blair could remember Dorota doing the same thing for her when she was little. It was lovely having Audrey in New York. Blair had so badly wanted her daughter to know the Upper East Side, and the thought that she would have to rip her away again in a few months was heartbreaking. B pushed the thought from her mind and shuddered as an early autumn breeze danced under the hem of her red Dolce & Gabbana skirt.

Nearby, Chuck was walking swiftly. There had been few places that never ceased to remind him of _her_ , and sometimes when he missed the friend that she had used to be to him he would go and ponder where she was or what she was thinking about. The duck pond in Central Park, the little slice of nature that Blair had always welcomed. He sighed as he approached it.

Back at the bench, Blair was completely unaware of Chuck's close proximity to them. She watched Audrey continue to throw tiny fistfuls of bread at the eager ducks. Dorota laughed all the while.

"Mommy, we ran out of bread," Audrey said sadly, though it was more of a statement than a whine. Blair had raised her daughter to be unlike herself, to never take family or privilege for granted, because France had been a very big change of pace for her. In France, she hadn't been queen over anyone. In France, nobody knew her name. She'd had to fight to gain enough of a reputation to bring Waldorf Designs overseas, and Audrey had been there throughout that fight to see that hard work and perseverance were worth it in the end. Blair smiled as she thought of it, knowing that Nate Archibald would have laughed to see that her daughter was so different.

"Maybe Dorota could go get some more?" Blair said, flashing a pleading smile over at Dorota. The polish maid frowned, but said nothing.

Audrey nodded and looked up at the plump woman, "Yes, Dorota, we can go together!"

Blair sat up straight on the bench, "Are we all going to get more bread, then?"

"No, not you mommy," Audrey said sweetly, a devious smile dancing across her perfect pink lips, "I wanted to surprise you with something. You wait here and we can go!"

Blair frowned, exaggerating her displeasure by sighing loudly and crossing her arms over her chest, "Well, excuse me, but what if I wanted to go?"

"I know you didn't want to," the tiny girl said expertly, "You're a princess. Like one of my dolls. Grandpa always says so."

Blair's jaw dropped and she tried to cover her amusement in the situation. She eventually gave in, and waved the two away with her gloved hand, "Fine, fine. But be quick so I don't miss you too much."

"We be right back, Miss Blair."

Chuck could barely think about anything besides Russell's threatening words. It wasn't as though he was going to betray Raina's trust, after all. He was slightly offended that the older man didn't trust him, though at the same time was completely aware of why he didn't. Chuck had once been a heartless young man with no respect for women and no morals. But he'd changed. He'd felt love. He'd felt pain. He was completely different.

Blair sat on the bench picking at one of her fingernails, looking up at the perfect moment to see him waltz up to the duck pond. Dorota and Audrey had exited the small area in the other direction, thank god, but she didn't know what to do about concealing herself in that moment. She felt exposed, and after the way he had looked at her last night, like she embodied everything painful and hated in his life, she didn't want to see him again. She hadn't wanted to see him at all. _Liar_.

As he stared down at the water, Chuck could feel that something was off. He usually found the duck pond quite peaceful, a sweet reminder of the young and in love Blair he had used to know. But that day was different, something was different. He glanced up and met a pair of frightened dark eyes across the pond, sitting on a bench.

He froze, similarly to how he had the night before. Blair made no attempt to move, though her gaze was firm on him. Chuck felt trapped, somehow, like no gesture or step that he took next would be the right one. There was nothing he could do to make either of them comfortable in that situation, so he did nothing. He just stared at her.

There they were, Chuck and Blair, at opposite ends of the small pond that both of them would never find peaceful again. Blair cleared her throat awkwardly, not sure of how to break eye contact or how to start speaking. She lost all ability to make words.

Chuck sighed for a long moment and whispered, "Blair."

She inhaled sharply, "Chuck."


	5. Dream A Little Dream

Dream a Little Dream

"Blair."

"Chuck."

They stood staring at each other, neither one speaking for several minutes. There was so much to feel and nothing to say, and they both understood that. Their history was messy. Their present was even messier, and Blair swallowed as she thought about the fact that Chuck wasn't even aware of just how messy their present was. Of course, he would find out if he stuck around and Blair wasn't able to properly warn Dorota. The thought of that made B begin to panic.

He was smoldering, and she couldn't help but also think of that. He had grown in the best way possible. Blair had been able to see that the night before, though not to the extent that she could in that moment. His arms had thickened up as if he'd actually started working out. His brow bone seemed more pronounced, and his serious face looked like that of a very determined, very sexy businessman. Blair hated herself for thinking about that.

Chuck, too, was pondering her. He'd barely registered her appearance at the afterparty, for she had disappeared in a matter of seconds. She was wearing a short red skirt with a loose hemline, one that the wind slightly lifted to torture him. Her brown hair was as dark and curly as ever, though slightly shorter and more sophisticated than the last time he had seen her. Her hips were wider, her chest more pronounced, and when she bit her full red lip nervously he had to clench his teeth to keep from exhaling too loudly. She was still beautiful, but that didn't erase the fact that he couldn't look at her without a stabbing pain in his chest.

Blair was the first to speak, awkwardly blinking as she said, "I'm-I'm sorry about…well…I'm sorry nobody told you I was coming back." _Nice one, Blair. Real smooth._

Chuck shifted his weight and knitted his brows. His nostrils flared slightly as he spoke, "Well, considering I received no warning of your departure, I didn't expect to be informed of your return."

Blair swallowed hard. He hated her, of course he hated her. She would hate her, too, though she was biased because she knew about Audrey. He did not, and she sighed as she tried to think of some excuse as to why she needed to pull out her phone, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that too, Chuck. I really am."

"An apology isn't necessary," Chuck said firmly. He knew that an apology wouldn't make him feel any better, considering it couldn't take any of it away, "It's all in the past."

"Oh, well, I'm glad you feel that way," Blair said, knowing that his eyes were communicating an entirely different story than his mouth was. She bit her lip again before continuing, "I heard you are engaged."

Chuck just stared at her, a very confused look on his face. He was in no mood to discuss Raina with Blair; in all honesty, he didn't know what he was in the mood to discuss with Blair. All he knew what that if he continued to speak to her, he would say something he would regret, and if he walked away without saying anything, he would regret not saying something. It was hardly fair, and he cursed himself for it. Blair had always made him feel so complicated and conflicted. Only she brought that out in him. With Raina, things were easy. She understood business and its importance to him. She understood that if she wanted things to work, she would have to take the backseat in his life sometimes. Blair had never done such things. Blair had always been selfish and rigid in her expectations of him.

He breathed deeply, feeling inclined to just start yelling at the top of his lungs but exercising the restraint not to do so. Instead, he just shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and stared at her, "I am."

"That's wonderful, I'm very happy for you," Blair said sweetly. Too sweetly, as though the sincerity in her voice was fabricated. It brought Chuck some satisfaction.

"Thank you," he murmured, "Did you come all the way back to the Upper East Side to tell me that you were glad I found someone who makes me happy?"

Blair's cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment, though she wasn't sure why, "Um, no. I'm shadowing my mother in order to eventually establish a branch of Waldorf Designs in France. I plan to return in the next two months or so." _He hates me._

"Two months?" Chuck asked before he could stop himself. Two months seemed like an extremely long time to play whatever games with her. He couldn't do it again. He couldn't continue to speak with her, not only for his mental strength, but also for the future of his business. Russell's stern words were still swirling in his mind, alongside images of Blair in the red skirt that he should not have been having. He cleared his throat, "Well, I trust you are capable of making the most of the experience and I wish you luck in France."

Blair felt something that she couldn't name. She felt afraid and hesitant and vulnerable all at once, and whatever words she wanted to say wouldn't leave her throat. She was choking on them, she knew she was, and so she only nodded. Chuck nodded back, a silent goodbye in the gesture, and Blair felt like someone had shot her.

Chuck turned on his heel, fully prepared to never speak to her again, but something in him snapped. He glanced over his shoulder at her. Blair was looking down at the pond, one of the saddest expressions he had ever seen on her face. For a second, he recognized her again. He remembered that face from when Nate had dumped her junior year, from when he couldn't tell her he had loved her, from when she'd found out about his deal with Jack. He inhaled sharply, trying to find the words he was looking for, but all that came out was, "I'm sorry, too." _I wish I knew what you were thinking._

She looked up at him again, "What?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't ready when you were," he said, sighing, "But that doesn't change anything, Blair." _I don't know how to feel._

"I know, but I appreciate it," she said, waving goodbye with one perfect pale hand.

He turned back around and walked away, words on his lips that he knew he shouldn't vocalize if he wanted to keep his life intact.

* * *

Blair ran into the Waldorf/Rose Penthouse and tried not speak as she did so. She didn't want to disturb her mother and Cyrus if they were home, and she knew that if she could only make it up the stairs to her bedroom that everything would be ok. If she broke before then, it would be bad.

She'd left the duck pond promptly after Chuck had, sending Dorota a heads-up text that she was suddenly feeling sick and needed to go home and lie down. It was bullshit, but it was better than letting her daughter see her like that. Eyes bulging, lips parted, panting heavily as though she had just run a marathon; she bore all of the signs of a woman who was trying her very best not to feel heartbroken. And she was, in a way.

Blair knew that it was going to be a long night, but she figured that once Audrey and Dorota arrived home, they could watch a Grace Kelly movie and the world would be at ease. Though Blair preferred Audrey Hepburn movies, the tiny girl tended to prefer the movies of her second namesake, for the young Waldorf's obsession with princesses stemmed from her middle name. Princess Grace, the ultimate American beauty.

B calmed herself with the thought of _To Catch a Thief_ , and decided that she would never see Chuck Bass ever again.

* * *

That night, Chuck began to toss and turn in bed. His body yearned for sleep, though his mind prohibited it. There was too much to think about, too much to dwell on in the earliest hours of the morning as his fiancée slept soundly beside him. He felt like an ass for continuing to think about the run in with Blair at the duck pond.

There had been so many things about her that hadn't changed, and yet there was something much different about how he felt in her presence. He felt like he was freer, more light on his feet despite the awkward circumstances. It reeked of high school. All of these things weren't necessarily unexpected, though Chuck felt so disconnected and yet so in tune with his former self. The Chuck Bass who had been just starting out in business. The Chuck Bass who knew little of responsibility, and a lot about what it meant to disappoint someone. The Chuck Bass who had been madly, undeniably in love with Blair Waldorf.

Even in the absolute darkness provided by his light cancelling curtains he could imagine her slender but womanlier figure, bathed in the September sunlight, looking across the little pond at him as if she had everything and nothing to say to him. And he felt the same way toward her. He could remember the last time they had _been_ together, five years ago and yet he could still taste those sweet red lips on his own. He could still imagine the warm, smooth skin underneath the hem of that red skirt. He hated that after all that time and hurt, he could still find her so beautiful.

He cursed himself as he felt the silk boxers grow too tight for comfort. He hadn't thought about Blair that way in years, because he hadn't been able to fight the urge to smack himself for doing so. He didn't know why he was showing such weakness now, when everything he had built in the last five years was at stake. He hated Blair. He hated the idea of losing Bass Industries. He hated the possibility of ever hurting Raina.

He felt tortured, because at the same time, he wanted to know why she had left. He'd wanted to ask her at the pond, but it didn't seem right. He didn't want Russell finding out and he didn't know if he was even ready to hear what Blair's motivations had been. Was ignorance bliss? He never knew when it came to Blair Waldorf. She had been endlessly breaking his heart and making it beat since that first time in the back of his limo.

Pondering the memory, he was finally granted sleep.

* * *

 _Chuck grabbed a fistful of her hair and slammed his lips down against hers, causing her to moan deeply without fear or insecurity. Blair scratched at the bare skin of his back, undoubtedly leaving red marks as a means to mark her territory. He moaned in return, encouraging her to continue to mix a little bit of pain with pleasure._

 _Both of their bodies were covered in perspiration, though Blair couldn't tell when that had started. In truth, she couldn't remember when they had gotten naked, either. All she knew was that she wanted him in a way that she had never wanted anyone; only he could make her scream in ecstasy, only he could make her forget about everything else._

 _Chuck planted hungry kisses down the line of her jaw, trailing them down her neck immediately after. Blair breathed deeply, throwing her head back against the headboard and letting her body enjoy every simple touch of his lips. He was heavenly, and he was hers._

 _His kisses continued, stopping briefly at one pink nipple. He gave it a swift flick of his tongue, summoning a groan of desire from her throat. Blair bit her lip and nodded as though giving him permission to continue. He smirked up at her darkly and continued to kiss his way down her abdomen. Blair had been waiting for this for as long as she could remember._

 _He parted her legs slowly, torturing her in the process. He left a trail of hot kisses on the insides of her thighs, promising with each brief kiss that he would bring her ultimate satisfaction. She believed he would deliver, but she found herself growing impatient._

 _"Chuck, please…" Blair whispered as she looked down at him._

 _He said nothing. He looked up at her, never breaking eye contact as he finally gave one long, leisurely stroke of his tongue._

Blair immediately sat up in bed, panting from the heat of the dream. She was covered in sweat, her purple nightie sticking to her back and her hair a tousled mess. The clock on her nightstand read 10:45 am, and she realized she had slept in way later than she had intended to. The movie date with Audrey had gone longer than expected, and the tiny girl had been full of energy from the surprise she had told Blair about; fresh macaroons from the bakery where they had bought the bread.

Blair groaned, realizing that reality was so much different than the dream she had just completely surrendered to. That dream would never be her reality again, and she knew that. She accepted that. Only she couldn't find it in her to fight the tears that were stinging the corners of her eyes. She felt like an ass for not ignoring the impulse to regret her decisions.

She pulled out her phone in the heat of the moment and hit the number one on speed dial. There was barely a beat before she heard Serena's concerned voice, "Hey, B, what's up?"

"S, I need you. Now," Blair said urgently.

Serena inhaled sharply and said, "Oh god, ok, ok I'm coming over now."

Serena looked up at Nate, who was seated across their now usual table in the café, and sighed, "Blair needs me, she sounds really upset. I have to go."

Nate nodded, "Oh, yeah, of course. That's more important than me right now."

"Barely," Serena joked, realizing afterwards how flirtatious it had come out. Nate smiled, blushing, and she stood from the table before she could let herself be embarrassed, "I'll see you later, Nate?"

Nate continued to smile, "You know how to reach me. And depending on what she is upset about, you might see me sooner than you think."

She sighed and nodded before leaving him alone in the café.

Serena burst into Blair's bedroom and found her lying painfully still in the bed, her back to the door. The blonde girl swallowed hard, and walked quickly over to her best friend to offer any assistance she may have needed, "B, what happened?"

"I saw him again," Blair said. Her voice was shaking, though she wasn't crying. Serena felt cold as she thought about the last time she had been in that bedroom comforting Blair, though this time around there were three less pregnancy tests.

"What? Where?" Serena asked, surprised, "Why?"

"Yesterday we ran into each other at the place in Central Park where I always feed the ducks, no need to panic," Blair said, sighing heavily before continuing, "I felt so…guilty, S. I felt like he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you."

"Maybe not now, but only because he couldn't care less," Blair said softly, "I don't know which was is worse, honestly." _Actually, I do._

"Blair, I mean, I hate to be harsh, but you're going to have to live with that if you want to keep him away from Audrey," Serena said, sighing, "I think it would be better if you two just stayed away from each other and didn't worry about the past. I thought that was what you wanted when you decided to come back?"

Blair bit her lower lip and blinked a few times. Everything Serena was saying was correct. Everything in Blair hated that. She hated that she felt like a high schooler whenever she thought of him. It was the reason she had avoided thinking about him for years. She hated that for once in his life, Chuck Bass seemed to be more of a grown up than she was.

B nodded reluctantly, "It was. You're right. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You loved him," Serena said, her voice growing low and soft, "That doesn't just go away easily, especially when you feel like you have a constant reminder of him."

Serena sighed at herself. She was acting pathetic, bringing her own personal drama into the situation. She still hadn't told Blair, and she still hadn't apologized to Nate, not that he was expecting her to. She shrugged off her own drama and looked down at Blair, who was lying under the duvet and trying to fight back more tears.

"I had a dream about him, too," B said sadly, "I haven't had one of those in years. It felt so very real."

Serena sat down on the bed and brushed some dark curls out of her best friend's face, "What happened in it?"

"I, uh, don't want to talk about that."

"Ah," S said, awkwardly smiling to herself with slight embarrassment, "One of those."

"Yes. It was awful," Blair said pathetically.

"Oh, it was?" Serena asked.

The brunette shrunk down into the covers, "No it wasn't, that's the problem. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about _him_. I thought I'd made the right choice. I thought I would have been able to give up on him. I guess seeing him just made me…freak out."

Serena nodded in agreement, "I think you underestimated the difficulty of the situation."

Blair swallowed, "I-I don't want Audrey to see me like this."

Serena nodded once again, "I know, and I understand. Why don't you let me take her to that little gelato place we used to go to after school? I'm sure she would love it. You can stay here and sort yourself out for a while, maybe take a bath or something."

"Well, it won't be better than the authentic Italian gelato she gets whenever we go to Milan for fashion week," Blair said, mustering up enough spirit to exude her usual sass, "But I suppose she would like that. I'll text Dorota."

Serena smiled, "That's my girl. Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Chuck could feel how tense his shoulders were. He hadn't slept a lot, and as a result had woken up too late to take his morning shower. Normally, he would just tell Raina to explain to her father that he would be slightly tardy, but he was in no position to be slacking around Russell Thorpe, and he knew it. So, he'd gone into work, deciding that he would just return to their suite during his lunch break to shower and breath without interruption.

He sat back in his office chair, pondering how the next few months were going to play out. He would avoid Blair, that was his safest bet. No matter how much he wanted an explanation, he would not seek one. He loved Raina, and it was not fair to her for him to be thinking about someone who had only ever led to heartbreak. He had to think about the rest of his life, not how his life used to be.

And yet, there was a big part of him that remembered how stupid he always got when it came to Blair Waldorf, and that part of him seemed to be fighting harder than the rest.

Once again, he was yearning for his lunch break. He couldn't wait until the deal was closed and he and Raina could start getting lunch with Russell again. However, Chuck's schedule was so busy that he had to plan around his own individual timing, not his fiancée's or future father-in-law's. It left him lots of alone time to think about how much he hated that Blair had decided to come back.

He told Anna to write down any messages and to tell Raina after her meeting let out that he had gone back for a shower. He tried not to let his inner turmoil show on his face as he passed his secretary, boarded the elevator, and promptly exited the building. Arthur had the limo outside waiting for him.

The Bass Industries building was not far from the Empire, where he, Nate, and Raina all resided together. But Nate would be moving out soon and Raina and he would live there until they found something better to call their own. It was a perfect plan, a safe plan. He'd been so very happy with that plan.

Inside of the limo, he simply glanced out the window at the fast-paced people of the Upper East Side. They were all glamorous, all in such a hurry to get to wherever they needed to be to maintain their status, and all completely unaware of everyone else around them. Chuck was normally one of those people, but on that particular day, he found himself sitting back and watching the world at work. It was comforting sometimes, because it reminded him that everyone was just as fucked up and self-centered as he was.

He sighed as the limo rolled to a stop at a light. Chuck sighed, trying to convince himself that he shouldn't go talk to Blair again. Nothing would be worse for him in that moment than to see her and break down. He didn't need it. He shouldn't want it.

He glanced out the window at the sight of long blonde hair, perfectly messy, swaying as the tall, thin woman walked down the block. She was facing away from him, but he could have sworn it was Serena. She walked with confidence, she was dressed in a more casual way that still held good taste, and she seemed to cause every person who was walking away to double take. The only reason he knew that it wasn't Serena was that she was holding the hand of a little girl, who was walking quickly to keep up with the woman's long strides. He smiled to himself as he noticed the girl was wearing a thick blue headband, only visible because she had turned to look up at the blonde woman, who was probably her mother. The hair was pulled out of her face by the blue head band, and fell down her back in perfect light brown curls that seemed to catch every ounce of the midday sun.

Chuck swallowed, thinking of headbands and perfect curls as the blonde woman and her daughter ducked into a little gelato shop on the corner of the block.

He sat back as the limo began to move again, and called, "Arthur, quick changes of plans, can you take me to the Waldorf's building?"

* * *

Blair exited the tub, content with the smell of lavender that was radiating off of her skin. Lavender promoted relaxation and sleep, which she had desperately needed after waking dramatically from the dream. And she believed she was still a bit jetlagged, so there was a lot going on that her body didn't know how to react to.

She slipped a white silk robe around her shoulders that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Her hair was tied up in a knot at the base of her neck, though a few rogue curls had escaped the restraints during the bath.

She sighed. She felt much better. Before the bath, Dorota had brought up a cup of tea, and Blair had decided to give her the rest of the day off. B needed relaxation and above all, silence, and she knew Dorota always wanted to spend more time with her own family.

However, Blair's tea cup was empty, and she felt that a hot cup of tea was a necessity for a lazy day. She sighed leisurely, slipping her feet into her Givenchy slippers and exiting her bedroom. The Waldorf Penthouse was absolutely silent and she loved it.

She'd grown to like tea more since she'd had Audrey. She was especially a fan of green tea, even if it did remind her of the try-hard vegan hipsters from Brown. She sauntered into the kitchen and poured herself another cup, the kettle still hot from when Dorota had made the tea.

She heard the distinct click of the elevator, and she felt her shoulders relax. Serena and Audrey would certainly lift her spirits even more. Blair exited the kitchen with teacup in hand, still only in a robe and slippers, as she cheerfully called, "Wow, that was a lot quicker than I was expecting. Did you enjoy-"

But rather than it being her daughter and best friend, she found herself standing in front of Chuck. All thoughts of relaxation melted away, and all anxieties she had about Chuck were the only things she could focus on. Nothing else mattered in that moment. She stopped speaking and breathing all at once, and waited for him to saying something before she bit his head off for showing up unannounced like he used to.

Chuck visibly swallowed hard, and whispered, "Hi, Blair."

"Um, hi," she said, suddenly feeling like the robe was much too thin. She cleared her throat and remembered that she was angry, "What are you doing here?"

Chuck took a step toward her, staring straight into her eyes, "Yesterday, when I left…I decided I was never going to see you again."

Blair raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't immediately do so, she crossed her arms and popped one hip, "And what part of this is abiding by that decision, exactly?"

He shrugged slightly and shook his head at himself, "I, uh, I ignored the impulse I've had since you got back into town."

Blair felt her cheeks go red with surprise and anxiety, for all she could think about was the dream. What was he talking about? He couldn't possibly be talking about anything to do with the two of them, could he? She was all confusion and no common sense. She only looked up into his amber colored eyes and blinked several times, "And that is?"

"I have to ask," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "What happened all those years ago? What made you leave? The last time I saw you, I was prepared to spend my life with you, and I feel like such an ass for bringing it up now, but I just have to know."

Blair inhaled sharply. She couldn't tell him the truth, obviously. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't. She swallowed, then, and straightened her posture, "I just had to get away. I needed something to change in my life, and I knew France would help with that."

"You needed something to change?" he asked, slightly breathlessly, "And you couldn't have told me that? Couldn't have even said goodbye?"

Blair felt something in her snap, and a lump began to form in her throat, "It was more complicated than that…and we were never going to be good for each other, Chuck."

He shook his head in disbelief and took a few steps closer to her. Blair's feet were glued to the ground. All she could do was stare up at him helplessly, hoping that he didn't do something that she wasn't going to be able to refuse. She bit her lip nervously and he responded, "The most exciting thing about us was that we were never going to be good, Blair. I thought you knew that. I know I did. It took me a while, but I understood that. I was ready to take the chance."

"Well, I wasn't, ok?" Blair cried. She threw her hands down at her sides and stomped a few feet toward him, "And you know that when you come to your senses and remind yourself of the life you've built _without me_ , you're going to regret coming here."

"Oh, I know I will," Chuck said seriously, taking one more step so that they were a foot or so apart, "But you've always had a way of making me forget what's right and wrong."

The tension in the room was as thick as Blair had ever felt in her life. She was struggling to breath, struggling to think properly with his being that close. She could smell the familiar scent of him, a mixture of cologne, slight cigar smoke, and mint. It immediately brought her back to a simpler time, when all that she cared about what making sure that Chuck Bass was touching her and doing so often. She exhaled loudly and looked up at him, "Stop, please."

"Stop what?"

"You shouldn't have come here," she said, telling him what he already knew, "You have a fiancée now, and I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate your being with me."

Chuck heard Russell's words in the back of his head, and all rational thought seemed to pour back in. Blair was right. There was no reason he should have come other than pure curiosity. It wasn't going to change anything, and it certainly wasn't going to make him feel better. He was searching for something he was never going to find, and yet seeing Blair standing in front of him in nothing but a robe made his senses set fire. He didn't hate her in that moment, he only hated himself for not doing so.

He took a step back, and B could read it on his face that he was back to normal. She paused, waiting for his goodbye. He nodded in her direction, "You're right. She's a good person, and she deserves better."

"I know," Blair said simply, pretending that she knew the girl at all.

Chuck nodded again, "I'm very sorry for coming. I shouldn't have."

"It's ok."

He looked up at her for the last time, savoring the sight of those dark eyes and the loose curls that framed her face. She was angelic, truly. Her bow shaped lips were parted slightly. Her skin was clear and free of makeup, presenting the Blair that he had always found the most beautiful. The natural Blair, the Blair without care. And everything about her expression seemed to be uniquely and devastatingly beautiful, and there was a look in her eyes that seemed to communicate that she was just as broken as he was. He inhaled sharply, once again trying to ignore the robe. He smiled sadly as he broke eye contact with her, "Well, Waldorf, I-"

The elevator made a loud noise, signaling that someone had arrived, and Blair felt her world come crashing down on her head as Serena and Audrey stepped into the foyer. Serena's blue eyes widened in terror as she quickly realized what was happening, but before she could do anything, Audrey released her hand and started walking toward Blair, "Mommy, who is this?"

* * *

 **Hello Upper East Siders! I hope you guys enjoy this update. I really love the C/B parts of my fictions, so this was especially fun to write, especially because it opens the door to everything I have planned! Thank you thank you thank you to all of you who are reviewing; your feed back is so important to me. Also, I hope you all think that this chapter followed the build up nicely, because I found that it was a challenge to write in some sense. We all know that Chuck and Blair have made their fair share of stupid decisions, and I kind of wanted to highlight that neither of them are perfect despite the fact that they are now more grown up than they were in the show. Nevertheless, I want to hear what you guys think of this!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **M**


	6. You Can't Handle the Truth

You Can't Handle the Truth

Serena heard the words in slow motion, so she couldn't imagine the thoughts and emotions coursing through Blair as Audrey asked the simple question, "Mommy, who is this?"

Everything felt surreal. It was a dream turned into a nightmare. Serena had so loved the fact that she had gotten to spend the past few hours with Audrey, for the little girl radiated positivity and love in everything she did. Serena needed that. But as she stood there in the Waldorf-Rose Penthouse, feeling the tension like smoke in the room, all of that happiness had disappeared and had been replaced by panic.

It took Chuck a moment to realize what was going on, that was evident by the blank expression he wore immediately after the tiny girl had asked the question. However, after several seconds of silence, reality hit him like a truck. His dark brows knitted together harshly, his lips parted and he began to take deep breaths through his mouth. He lifted a finger and pointed it at Audrey Grace, turning to Blair in question.

Blair's face was pale. She was biting down on her lower lip hard enough that she could taste blood. This couldn't be happening to her. It just couldn't. Everything she had avoided was present, everything she had planned and predicted was crushed. She swallowed hard and look up at Chuck with terror in her dark eyes.

Chuck tried to make words as he stared at her horrific expression. For a moment, he forgot that Serena and the little girl were even in the room. All he could think about was the fact that Blair had left and returned, and that there was a small voice calling her mommy. His lips went dry and his skin grew hot as he choked out, "What did she call you?"

Blair's chest rose and fell quickly, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest, "Serena, take her upstairs. _Now._ "

"Blair!" Chuck yelled loudly.

Audrey jumped slightly, and looked up at Blair with a terrified expression. Blair forced a pathetic smile that only touched her lips and said, "It's ok, princess, mommy will be upstairs soon. Go with Auntie S."

Audrey nodded obediently, and looked back over at Chuck with uneasiness. He stared down at her, how her cheeks bore Blair's dimples, how her brown eyes were shaped exactly like Blair's, and how her hair fell in the same perfect curls as her mother's. He swallowed hard and looked back at Blair, who once again fell silent.

He searched for the words to say as Serena and the girl ascended the staircase and left them. His breathing was labored as he asked, "Were you…were you ever going to tell me?"

Blair held her cold gaze and spat out, "I don't see how she is any of your business."

"How old is she?" he asked immediately, his voice imitating the harshness of her own, "I'd say almost five, if I had to guess."

B clenched her jaw and blinked several times, "She'll be five in January, but she isn't yours, Chuck. You had no right to know about her."

He scoffed sardonically, barely able to contain his fury, "Sure, sure, Blair. The woman I loved, the woman I was going to propose to disappears for five years and then shows up with a kid whose age perfectly lines up with our history and her disappearance. I don't know how often you've told that lie, Blair, but you've lost your touch. It's transparent."

"It's the truth," she said, standing her ground, "I was depressed when I got to France, I needed something. Someone. And I found a guy for a little while and…" she trailed off, glancing down at the perfect marble floors for a moment, "…and accidents happen. And I realized that the person I needed wasn't him, it was her. And I make no apologies for keeping her a secret."

Chuck shook his head, "You're unbelievable. You think I'm going to believe that Blair Waldorf, the girl who didn't lose her virginity to the guy she dated from kindergarten to junior year, threw herself at a guy she doesn't even refer to by name? And didn't use protection, no less?"

Blair felt the heat pool in her cheeks, "Accidents. Happen."

"Not they easily they don't," Chuck bit out, taking a step closer to her. Blair was breathing heavily, as was he, as though they had been physically fighting. A deep, deafening silence fell over them then, leaving them both to their thoughts, "And nine months before January is May, Blair, which would line up pretty perfectly with the last time we-"

"She was born prematurely," Blair said, cutting him off before he got to the vulgar part his sentence. She swallowed, "We stayed in the hospital for a while after she was born. She isn't yours, Chuck."

Blair had never felt so guilty and so broken. He was never supposed to see Audrey like this. She had figured he would see pictures in the paper or online, but there was something inside of Blair that knew if he hadn't seen her in person, he wouldn't feel as strongly as he did right then. Maybe she was wrong, maybe he would have been suspicious, anyway. But she'd hoped for that and had received the opposite.

Chuck couldn't help but hate her. Hate was the only thing he could feel towards her to keep himself sane. There was so much history, so much hurt. And all of it came rushing back like a tsunami the minute he had heard she was back in New York, "Fine."

In an effort to still her then shaking hands, she replayed his words over and over in her mind. Blair heard his previous words echoing in her ears, and before she could stop herself, she asked, "What do you mean the woman you were going to propose to?"

Chuck blinked, dumfounded. He had figured Serena had told her about the ring after the fact. He had, for some reason, just guessed that she had known. However, his momentary confusion didn't replace his anger, and his nostrils flared as he said, "That doesn't matter now. I can't make you tell me the truth, so I hope you're happy."

He turned on his heel without a second thought and exited the penthouse.

* * *

Serena stroked the small girl's hair. Audrey had her head in Serena's lap and was staring at the wall silently, her long lashes batting often. The tiny girl sighed heavily through her nose and asked, "Why wouldn't mommy tell me who that man was?"

S pursed her lips and continued to stroke the deep brown curls that were pooling in her lap, "Well, sweetie, that was one of mommy's old friends. She just wasn't expecting us to come back so soon, I think."

Audrey quietly asked, "Does mommy not want me to meet her friends?"

"Of course, she does. She just panicked," Serena said, her voice full of sadness at the thought of Audrey feeling that Blair didn't want her around. Serena knew better than anyone how much Blair had given up for the little girl. Even Blair didn't know about the ring, because Serena had never told her. It had seemed pointless at the time.

S could remember the state Chuck was in the night that he'd asked Blair to meet him at the Empire State Building. Dorota had gone into labor, and as soon as Blair had met Anastasia, she'd made plans to meet her father and Roman and had left New York without looking back. Serena had seen her off, in fact, knowing that she would never be able to change her best friend's mind. She was simply happy that Blair's plans to stay in France hinted at the fact that she would try to keep the baby. She, of course, had.

But Chuck had known nothing of Audrey. He'd gone back to his suite that he shared with Nate even then and somewhere along the lines had found Jenny Humphrey in a similar state of depression. Serena couldn't help but roll her eyes at that part of the story, for she didn't see how he could give something he had been prepared to only give Blair for the rest of his life to someone an hour after that was no longer an option.

But later that night, before Serena had known about anything Chuck had been planning or doing, Nate had called her and begged for her help. Because after Jenny had left, after the state of solitude had kicked in with the scotch, Chuck had lost it.

Serena had never seen anything like it. He was throwing things, breaking things, punching things. He was drunk and he was broken and he was everything that Serena and Nate knew that they couldn't fix. Nate had managed to restrain his arms while Serena had taken his face in her hands. She'd whispered all of the things that people always say in those situations, like 'It will be ok', and 'You are strong, you will get through this'. Chuck would just cry angry, drunk tears and say 'I love her'.

It felt weird to tell him that he would find better, because Serena knew how her adopted brother felt about Blair, and she knew that he would never find someone like her again. It felt weird to soothe him when she herself was not ok. In many ways, Serena was broken by Blair leaving, too, but it hadn't been her time to grieve.

Just like the present was not her time to grieve about the last year, either.

The sound of the little girl's voice brought her back to the present, "Why?"

S blinked and felt herself struggling to explain the situation to Audrey, "Because she loves you and she doesn't want anyone to hurt the relationship you two have."

Audrey crinkled her nose, "Mommy is my favorite princess. I love her more than anybody else."

"I know, pretty girl," Serena said, and bent down to place a sweet kiss on the girl's temple. At the same time, Blair burst through the door.

Her eyes were slightly red as though she had cried and was trying to conceal it. Her cheeks were slightly puffy, her make-up smudged. Audrey sat up and stared at her as though she was the most beautiful thing in the world, "Hi mommy, are you ok?"

"Hey, baby…I don't want to talk about me right now," Blair said, inhaling deeply through her nose, the sound of which also indicated that she had cried. She swallowed down more tears and asked, "Have you taken your vitamins today?"

Audrey nodded, "I'm a big girl. I did not forget."

"Good," was all Blair said before the conversation died.

Serena's eyes communicated that she understood Blair's despondency. There was a deep silence that fell over the room then, and none of them sought to break it. Blair simply walked over to them, sat down on Audrey's bed, and let them shower her in love.

* * *

Chuck felt like he had never truly known anger before that day. Blair had kept that from him, and though he was sure that she was lying about the full story, he couldn't prove it. At least not alone.

What was worse was that Serena didn't tell him. He was sure she'd known the entire time. She was Blair's best friend. She'd gone to visit France on several occasions, knowing full and well that her absences peaked Chuck's curiosity of how Blair was doing. At first, it had taken everything in him not to take a plane out to France and try to change her mind. But he knew Blair; he knew Blair better than he knew himself, and he knew that there would be no changing her mind after the decision to leave had been made.

He stopped his feet from moving as he headed over to the Bass Industries building. He'd told Arthur to take the rest of the day off; he needed to think. He needed to walk and get as much fresh air as was possible in the streets of the Upper East Side.

He pulled out his phone, knowing who he needed to call. The dial tone rang out in his ear for a moment before he heard the deep, familiar voice of his old friend, "Hello, Mr. Bass, what can I do for you?"

"Andrew Tyler," Chuck said, smiling to himself at the sound of his old P.I.'s friendly greeting. It had been a while since Chuck had needed the man's services, "Do you remember that thing I told you to look into a few years ago? About the chateau in France?"

"The one we ended up dropping," Andrew said immediately, with a matter-of-fact tone in his voice, "I remember it well. Do you want me to look into it again?"

The week following Blair's departure had been rough, and he'd been contacting Andrew Tyler once a day, constantly going back and forth about whether or not he wanted to find out why she'd left and what she was doing in France. Nate and Serena both agreed that it was a horrible idea, and while the more mature part of Chuck had sided with them, the more heartbroken part of Chuck still wanted to know what she was doing and why she was doing it.

But, ultimately, he'd told Andrew Tyler to cease the investigation of Blair, for he knew that whatever it was that she was up to he wouldn't have been able to handle. He had already been broken. He didn't need to hear about her happy with another guy, which she was now claiming had been the case. Chuck exhaled sharply.

"Yes, there was a girl there that I need to know more about, can you look into nearby hospitals as well? I have reason to believe that she spent some time there in January of 2011," Chuck said, trying not to let his voice shake with fury and shock. He would still be recovering for a while, "It's pretty important that you find medical records, too."

"I'll try my best and let you know what I can find."

"Thank you, Mr. Tyler, always a pleasure doing business with you," Chuck said, not in the least bit guilty about the fact that he had gone against his previous judgements about not looking into Blair's new life without him.

Before he placed his phone back in the pocket of his suit, thought, a familiar name popped up on the screen and his stomach dropped. He clicked answer and held the phone up to his face, once again trying to sound like nothing was wrong with him when he could very clearly feel his world crashing down on him, "Russell, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Russell's voice didn't waver as he sighed and said, "Well, that depends, do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

Chuck swallowed, "Um…good news."

His future father-in-law smiled on the other end of the line, and Chuck could hear it in his voice as he said, "We're going to be able to start having lunches together again soon."

Chuck nodded. Clearly Russell wasn't going to break off the engagement to Raina if he was inviting Chuck to a daily ritual they had all once shared, "That _is_ good news. And the bad news?"

"Well, let's just say all of your newly discovered free time is thanks to the fact that I'm going to be taking charge of the Lancaster Hotel deal. Seems you have a lot on your mind lately, far too much to handle any sort of business decisions."

Chuck's phone lit up against his face, and he removed it to see a message. It was a picture of himself, exiting Blair's building with a crazy look in his eye. _Fuck._

* * *

 **Hey guys! So, now Chuck knows about Audrey Grace, and I just wanted to post a chapter where I could start the part of this story where he's investigating while everything else is going on! There are lots of secrets in store, this is only the beginning. I also promise the more M scenes are coming up. Please let me know what you think!**


	7. The Secret Lives

The Secret Lives

Nate found himself sitting alone in the suite that day. He'd taken the rest of the day from the Spectator to pack up some of his things. Chuck continuously told him that he could ask any of the housekeepers to do it, but Nate wanted to do it himself. It was the end of an era, and it deserved to be treated as such, even if Chuck and Raina didn't understand.

Nate frowned. Serena had rushed out on him earlier that day for Blair. That had been happening a lot lately, and though he understood why, it didn't feel any less peculiar. Serena hadn't taken to him in months after her breakdown, yet they had seen each other several times at the little café the blonde girl loved so much. Nate had never been one for tea, but he was definitely one for seeing Serena again, so it didn't matter. Things almost felt normal when they were together, as if no time had passed and nothing had gone wrong between them and nothing had broken Serena so dramatically that she'd moved back in with Lily.

He sighed as he lifted a picture that was on his nightstand. It was of the four of them, Chuck, Blair, Serena, and Nate, wearing their high school uniforms and all making faces that clearly exhibited their personalities. It had been taken in the spring of freshman year, when Nate and Blair were still dating, when Chuck was still very much like Chuck, and when Serena was the carefree best friend that Nate couldn't get out of his head. He cherished the simpler times, even if he hadn't been 100% happy then. It beat whatever they were all going through now.

He heard the elevator open, and the distinct click of Raina's heels thundered through the apartment. He heard her walk up to the bar, set down whatever she was carrying, and pour herself a glass of something that he guessed wasn't water.

Nate exited his bedroom and saw her gulp down a glass of something the color of honey. His eyebrows raised and he shoved his hands in his pockets, "Well, gosh, tough day at work?"

"You could say that," Raina said, placing the glass on the bar once again, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"What do you mean?" Nate asked, taking a few steps into the room.

She sighed loudly in defeat, "Ever since the other night when he saw… _her_ …at that after party, things have felt off. I think he still loves her."

Nate didn't know what to say. So much had happened over the past few days, it was true, though he knew that what Chuck felt for Raina wasn't that easily dismissed. And he hadn't had the chance to truly discuss what was going on with his best friend yet, but he knew that Chuck had a talent for being distant when he felt overwhelmed. Nate sighed, "He loves you, Raina. I've known Chuck since I can remember, and he was never the type to pretend he loves someone when he doesn't."

Raina smiled sadly, "Oh, I know he loves me, too. But I think everything he used to feel for her has taken away from that."

"I…I don't know what to say," Nate said honestly then. She was a beautiful, capable person. She was consistent, and he knew that Chuck loved that about her. She was good for Chuck. She was good for Bass Industries. Really, there was no downside to Raina that Nate could think of without being completely selfish about the apartment.

Of course, the only downside was that she wasn't Blair Waldorf, but he wasn't going to tell her that. Raina sighed, "I know. I don't…I'm not going to put you in that position, Nate. It's really not your problem. I just needed to get it out."

Nate nodded shortly, "I understand. I mean, it's tough. Blair is…dramatic. And selfish. I care about her a lot, but it doesn't surprise me that things turned out the way they did."

Raina nodded as if she knew what he meant, but they both knew that it was a front. She asked with her eyes moments before her mouth asked, "What _did_ happen with them? Chuck never talks about it. He never talks about her. When we first start dating I hadn't even known he'd been in another relationship."

Nate's brows furrowed, "How'd you find out about her, then?"

"I found the Harry Winston receipt in one of his desk drawers," she said, shrugging slightly, "He'd asked me to get something from his office…he'd already gone home for the day and we had plans for dinner that night. It was three years old, Nate. I knew something was off the moment I saw it. I had no idea about her before then."

He crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the counter, facing where she was at the bar, "Yeah, they were pretty serious…and he was never the same after her. He was going to propose to her, but she left. Without a word. And all we were told was that she had her reasons for leaving and that Serena wasn't going to give away a thing."

Raina shook her head, "I didn't know that's how it happened."

"He doesn't like talking about it," Nate said matter-of-factly, "I don't know that he was ever as in love with Blair as he thought. But she was his best friend, and the first person to make him feel like he was worth something. I mean, you know how Chuck is. He doesn't let people in. But with Blair, he did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Raina said sadly. She placed the empty glass on the bar and sighed. All she wanted to do was erase Blair Waldorf from existence. Her life would be so much less complicated if she didn't have to worry about Blair Waldorf. She turned to Nate again, trying to change the subject awkwardly, "And what about you and Serena? What happened with you two? You used to be so close when I moved in."

Nate bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head, "Another time, maybe."

* * *

 _Blair poured herself a glass of red wine and sighed in content. All of her work was done for the night, and Paris was alive outside for several more hours. She lifted the glass, taking one leisurely sip, and stepped out onto the balcony to look out at the city._

 _She had a perfect view of the street below, along with the little cafés, boutiques, and flower shops that lined it. Waldorf Designs Paris was located on the next block, and she was relieved to have the night to herself, away from the stress of deadlines and interviews that were constantly filling her schedule. She allowed herself to get carried away with the thought of dining at her favorite restaurant, drinking her favorite vintage, and smoking a hand rolled cigarette or two just because she could. Well, she could if her daughter wasn't with them._

 _The door opened inside, and Blair steadied herself by placing one hand on the elegant black metal of the intricate balcony railing. She glanced over her shoulder through the opened door and saw her daughter, smiling charmingly as she dashed inside. Audrey's light brown curls were pulled away from her face, which appeared slightly older than Blair was used to. Her daughter was taller, thinner, and more mature looking. Not by much, but too much for Blair to be comfortable with. She tried not to stare, though that task was made much easier when a man stepped through the door as well._

 _He smiled at Blair, knocking the wind out of her and filling her lungs with the breath of life all at once. He was wearing a perfectly tailored grey suit with a deep purple tie that matched Audrey's dress. Blair inhaled sharply, noting that matching was something she always did with Audrey, and that she suddenly felt very left out._

 _That is, of course, until she looked down and saw that she was wearing the same purple. They were all matching. And it was both very gratifying and very strange._

 _"Blair," Chuck took several steps toward her, and her feet moved on their own accord until she was standing in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He smirked down at her, not to be mocking, but to express contentment with where he was at that very moment. Blair couldn't help but stare at his mouth expectantly as he said, "I missed you."_

Blair awoke the next morning with a start, and immediately felt a crushing weight on top of her. She looked down to see a mess of light brown curls fanned out against her chest, and smiled. Audrey Grace was living perfection, and now, looking down at her angelic little body and crazy morning hair, Blair felt like a monster for keeping Chuck from such perfection.

Serena poked her head out from under the covers on the other side of the bed. The three of them had fallen asleep together, a picture of love that Blair couldn't help but feel warmed by. S was truly her best friend, and the relationship between Serena and Audrey made B's heart melt. The blonde really was going to make a good mom someday, despite her own mother lacking many maternal instincts.

"Hey, are you ok?" Serena whispered.

Blair could feel that her eyes were swollen from crying the night before, but she nodded lightly and tried to shimmy out from underneath her daughter, "Bathroom."

Serena understood, and rose from the bed without causing any noise. The two crossed the room and entered the bathroom quietly, closing the door behind them before speaking.

"I should've told him the truth."

Serena sighed, "Telling him the truth now would only crush him, B. He has a fiancé. He has a life he has built. That's the whole reason you didn't tell him in the first place, remember? You didn't want him to give everything up. Neither of you were ready for that."

"I know, I panicked," Blair said, swallowing hard and crossing her arms, "I couldn't stop dreaming about him."

The blonde nodded, "Tell me about the dream. What happened?" she then lifted her hands as if to stop Blair, "Wait, do I want to hear about this one?"

B scoffed, "Not every dream I have is about sex, thank you very much."

"Ok, but even the thought of just one sex dream involving Chuck makes me lose my appetite," Serena whispered aggressively, and tried to regain her seriousness, "But really, B, what happened?"

"It was like…a glimpse of the future or something," Blair started sadly, "We were in Paris. Living there. I was the head of Waldorf Designs Paris and I was drinking wine, and in walks both Audrey and Chuck, in _matching outfits_ for god's sake. It's like my subconscious hates me."

"Matching outfits? But that's your thing," Serena said as though she was personally offended by that detail.

Blair nodded immediately, "Exactly."

"Well, are you…sad that it isn't real?" the blonde asked quietly.

"I don't know, S," Blair said after several moments of thought, "It's not that I miss him in that way. Well, not exactly, anyway…but I just don't want him to hate me. I am already trying to convince myself that I made the right decision, and knowing that he hates me and sees right through the lie is worse than I thought it would be. I'm the worst human being who ever lived."

"No, you aren't."

"Of course, I'm not, but it feels like that sometimes," the brunette said. She was clearly all over the place, and she didn't like how vulnerable she felt even talking about him, "And there was something he said to me yesterday, something about proposing, and I just don't know."

Serena stiffened, "Wait, what did he say?"

"He called me the woman he was going to propose to. I had no idea he'd been thinking that far ahead all those years ago," Blair tried to relax a little by taking deep breaths, and was unsuccessful, "I'm just trying not to think about it."

"Good…don't think about it," Serena said, swallowing hard. She'd known about the ring. Blair still didn't know about the ring. As if S didn't already have enough of a mess to clean up with Blair feeling like she made the wrong decision.

Before the brunette could continue on about it, there was a small sound coming from the bedroom. Blair grew unnaturally still, and suddenly yanked the bathroom door open. Audrey was still lying in bed, coughing uncontrollably. B's face and hands were as pale as the satin sheets as she flew to her daughter's side and lifted the tiny girl.

Serena watched with concern as Blair flawlessly acted. She stood Audrey up beside the bed and lifted her arms, crossing them over the mess of light brown curls that made up the top of her head. Tears were streaming down her face as she did so, though her voice was steady when she continuously uttered, "Breathe, baby, I'm here."

* * *

Chuck had come home late the previous night. He'd drowned himself at the hotel bar and had passed out in one of the booths, which was something he hadn't done in years. He felt weak. He felt defeated. He felt like he was searching for something in vain.

Either way he was going to lose. Russell was against him. Blair was against him. He didn't want to have to explain things to Raina until he could try and reason with her father, so avoiding her that night was easier than it should have been. He'd stumbled up to bed after one of the waitresses shook him awake. Raina was already asleep, and didn't move at all when he had removed all clothes except his silk boxers and had climbed into the bed beside her.

He'd drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Blair swirling around in his mind. Even when he was drunk, he couldn't escape those brown eyes or that proud mouth. He couldn't stop thinking about the fair skin of her legs, or the way the robe had barely come past the curve of her ass. He'd been trying not to think about it too much, but he couldn't help himself. He was still Chuck and she was still Blair, even if he suspected her of lying. Drunk Chuck wasn't angry, he was just hurt and confused. He needed her.

Of course, thoughts of Blair were then inherently mixed with thoughts of the little girl. Chuck didn't know her name, but her young face and sweet voice seemed more familiar than they should have. He refused to believe that she was some random French man's daughter, even if that would make his life so much easier. He was anxious to hear what Andrew Tyler could come up with, even though he knew that he was already damned in Russell's mind.

He was more of a glutton for torture than he used to be, and he cursed himself for it as he woke up from dreams about everything that was going wrong in his life.

Raina was stirring slightly when Chuck woke the next morning. It was Saturday, so they did not have to go into work that morning, but he was wide awake way earlier than he should have been. Especially after a night of drinking. He sighed.

His fiancé was a lovely person. He cared about her so deeply, and he felt awful that he hadn't called her immediately after he saw the little girl. There was something about mixing the past with the present, about mixing thoughts and feelings toward Blair with Raina that just didn't feel right to him. It was two separate lives in his mind. He was a different person than he used to be because of Blair, and everything he had felt after she'd left seemed to be flowing through him in waves. The confused face of the little girl with curly hair didn't help the situation in the slightest. Raina deserved to know, because she would potentially be a part of the little girl's life.

If Andrew Tyler could find anything.

And also if Blair would let him within a hundred feet of her once the truth was revealed.

* * *

Serena stepped into the Van der Woodsen/Humphrey penthouse and quickly headed toward her room. She'd agreed to let Blair and Audrey sleep in a little more after the small episode they'd had, while S went back home and sorted some of her own things out. After all, she hadn't let anyone know where she had been for the past few days, and it was possible Lily was around to care.

Her mother was seated at the small white table that they used to eat family meals at. They hadn't had one since Serena had been back, and part of her could admit that she missed them terribly. Part of her could admit there were too many things that she missed.

Lily perked up slightly at the sight of her daughter and asked, "How's Blair? I'm assuming that's where you've been."

Serena nodded, "She's…Blair. But she is fine. Audrey, too."

Her mother nodded knowingly, though didn't fail to express her concern, "And Chuck?"

"He knows she exists," Serena said, suddenly scared to even mention the situation from the day before, "But he doesn't know everything."

Lily shook her head slightly and took a sip of her lemon water, "It is a difficult situation, but I'm sure Blair will handle the consequences of her actions."

S stiffened defensively, but tried to remind herself not to snap. Lily had been nothing but loyal in the situation, even if she believed Chuck had the right to know. She had let Blair handle the situation the way she wanted to without interfering.

"Yeah…she will. She's Blair; she has a plan for everything," Serena said, dismissing the conversation with one turn of her head.

Lily persisted, "Serena…how are you? I know you've been spending a lot of time with Nate again lately and, well…I just wanted to make sure you were alright. We haven't really talked in quite some time."

Serena felt her chest tighten. She'd been pushing off her own drama. She and Nate hadn't even thought about their own drama. Chuck and Blair were more immediately important. Chuck and Blair required help. Chuck and Blair…were completely oblivious that other people could possibly be hurting just as much as they were.

She walked away, calling over her shoulder, "I'm fine. I'm just not ready to."


	8. Say Yes to the Mess

Say Yes to the Mess

Chuck's eyes followed the swing of Raina's hips as he followed her into the restaurant that afternoon. They'd had plans to eat with Russell and Lily to discuss further wedding details, and though Chuck desperately wanted to avoid his future father-in-law, he knew that he couldn't do so forever. So, wedding planning was a good place to start, because it was more lighthearted than work, and Chuck wanted to get the awkwardness out before the three of them began to have regular lunches again.

Raina still didn't know about the little girl. Russell didn't, either. All either of them knew was that Blair was back and that wasn't good for anyone.

But what did Lily know? Chuck wondered as they walked up to the table that Lily van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey was seated at, a knowing smile on her face. She was wearing a light cashmere sweater, for the breeze was surprisingly stiff that afternoon, and her hair was pulled out of her face in the same sleek style she normally wore. She wore modest pearl earrings and a matching pearl ring, and she looked lovely. Chuck smiled to himself slightly, truly happy to see the only mother he had ever known. Unfortunately, he was reminded of the situation with the little girl as quickly as he had been distracted from it, because Lily's phone lit up on the table in front of her and a picture of Serena was smiling up at them all.

She promptly hit end and cleared her throat slightly before saying, "Well, Raina, you look wonderful. I'm so excited for our little trip later."

Raina nodded enthusiastically as Lily stood and the two lightly embraced, "Me too, just trying very hard not to stress over it."

"Not to stress over what?" Russell's deep voice asked as he waltzed up to the table. Chuck turned, having not heard him approaching, and tried to force a smile in his direction.

"Still haven't found the perfect dress," Raina said shortly, shrugging, "Lily and I are going to try to find something later today, once we are finished with lunch."

"I'm sure you'll look beautiful no matter what," Chuck said, turning to his fiancé and ignoring everyone else in the room. She was looking at him expectantly, though there was something in her eyes that communicated that she was taken aback by his affection. It unsettled him terribly. He placed a hand on her hip lightly, and sincerely said, "You always do."

Lily smiled wide at his public display of affection, though Chuck saw something in her eyes that he didn't like…relief. It was as though she was relieved that he loved his fiancé and found her beautiful. Relieved that he was at the lunch and was planning on actively participating in the wedding planning. He swallowed whatever feelings arose in him following that realization, and sat down in between Russell and Raina as the two women continued to chat away about where they were planning to go. Lily and Raina got along quite well, which Chuck was grateful for, because they were two of the most important women in his life. He just didn't know what Lily thought about everything that was going on.

Russell sighed loudly, though it wasn't in a rude fashion. The three of them turned to him as they all waited to be helped, and he said, "I'm really very proud of the young woman you have become, Raina."

Raina smiled awkwardly. Modestly. She cocked her head slightly to the side as she tried to hide the slight embarrassment that she felt, "Daddy, please."

"No, no, I'm serious," Russell said, nodding sincerely, "It needs to be said. I've never been prouder of anyone or anything in my life. You are strong, beautiful, sophisticated. And Chuck is extremely lucky to have you."

"Russell, I-" Chuck started, though he couldn't force himself to finish the thought. All three of their eyes landed on his face, and he found himself grow extremely warm. Fuck Blair Waldorf for coming back and making everything so complicated. He cleared his throat, "I couldn't agree more."

Russell nodded once, and his lips parted as though he was about to say something, though his phone loudly vibrated in the pocket of his dress pants. He pulled it out, glancing down at the screen long enough to see the caller ID, and announced, "Sorry, I have to take this. It's about Bass Industries recent purchase of the Lancaster Hotel."

Raina's eyebrows shot up as she looked over at Chuck's flared nostrils, "I thought that was your project, Chuck?"

"Oh, it was," Russell said, raising the phone to his ear and walking away from the table as he called, "He needed my assistance with staying focused."

* * *

Blair was feeling much better that day. She had gotten over the initial emotions of Chuck seeing Audrey, and was trying her best to be herself once again: powerful, poised, and perfect. Blair Waldorf was going to be a household name in the fashion world, that was why she'd come back in the first place. She had a little less than two months before she returned to establish the branch in Paris, two months to learn as much as she could from her mother and the other big names in Manhattan. She inhaled the crisp New York City air as she walked through the streets that afternoon, feeling more and more like herself every time she heard her black Louboutin's click against the pavement.

The Open-Heart Gala was a month away, and was the first time she would have the chance to showcase one of her very own designs. She had been working on the dress for some time, making sure it was absolutely perfect. The Open-Heart Gala was a huge event funded by some of the Society women for the purpose of promoting heart health via an open bar and lots of big name people seated around each other. It was perfect. If Eleanor's show was the introduction, the Open-Heart Gala was the first chapter in Blair Waldorf's takedown of the world.

She sighed happily as she walked up to Waldorf Designs. It was just as she remembered it, with a slightly modernized appearance. It was home to her, where she had spent countless hours as a little girl staring at models and talking to her mother's employees. She smiled as she thought of Audrey Grace doing the same thing in Paris.

Paris. The dream. She pushed all thoughts of the dream out of her mind as she walked through the doors.

Laurel was already waiting for her, a proud smile on her lips as she extended her arms for an embrace, "Blair. It's so good to see you."

The corners of Blair's lips curved up at the sight of her. She'd aged slightly, her hair now shaved and her eyes slightly more deep-set. She was still pretty, though. She was wearing a lovely olive-green tunic that complimented the gold of her hair and the glow of her caramel skin. B embraced her, as well, before saying, "So good to see you, too. I trust you have everything ready for my fitting?"

"Oh yes, and the dress is absolutely _to die for_. Your mother said this was your first completely original piece?" she pondered, leading Blair past the offices.

Blair shrugged slightly, "First piece that has left my sketches, yes. I've been sketching ideas for years, though."

Laurel nodded understandingly, "Of course you have. Any daughter of Eleanor's is destined to continue the legacy."

Blair was taken aback by the fact that the comment left a bad taste in her mouth. She wasn't doing this because she was a Waldorf, she was doing this because she had always loved fashion. Because she loved Paris. Because she loved the idea of having something completely her own. She'd never had anything that was completely her own ever. Audrey used to fall into that category, but Chuck was trying to dig things up that had been buried for a long time, and even thinking about the little girl and Chuck Bass made her stomach knot up. She ignored it, though, and followed Laurel to the modelling area where she would try on the dress. If there needed to be some alterations, the sewing team would have over a week to perfect the gown.

Laurel unzipped the thick garment bag and stepped to the side so that Blair could have a look. She inhaled as she took in the sight of it, her first real design. She bit her lip and smiled at the same time, "It's perfect."

* * *

Following her conversation with her mother, Serena had spent most of the night overthinking her situation and the events of the past year. Everything about them had been dreadful, and being around Blair and Audrey Grace seemed to make everything feel heightened. Why wasn't she ready to talk about it? It had been hard, but it had been a while. She hadn't even clung to her mother, the one person she knew would still love her after it all. She hadn't apologized to Nate for how things went, and it was torture for her to pretend that everything was ok when she was around him, when it wasn't. She'd missed him terribly. But she still didn't apologize, truly, for what she had put him through.

Sitting in the apartment alone that day, she couldn't do much else but cry. Everything came crashing down on her at once. She could still hear Nate's voice from all those months ago, she could picture him rubbing comforting circles into her back as she had cried even then. _No matter what happens, I'm here, Serena. I'm not leaving. And we will get through this, all of us._

She immediately texted Blair, unsure of what to do to get her mind off of it, knowing that Audrey's sweet smile would make everything feel better and Blair's biting wit would distract her from everything that hurt so very much.

 **Serena:** **Hey, B, do you think I could come over? I'm in desperate need of a girls' day or something. It's been a rough one.**

 **Blair: Of** **course! I'm at a dress fitting right now, but I'll text you as soon as I'm back.**

* * *

Chuck forced himself to sit in silence through the rest of the lunch. Lily and Raina gushed about the invitations that Raina had picked out, noting how the gleaming silver letters were a perfect touch for the season.

"So, it's all set then? A New Year's Eve wedding," Lily asked incredulously. She eyed the example invitation with an unparalleled fascination, her large eyes growing even wider with wonder as she began to listen to Raina gushing.

Raina nodded, "They told us the Terrace room had been booked through the next year and a half, but they had a cancellation for the exact date I wanted! I couldn't believe it. I told Chuck that there is a God and he loves the Basses."

Chuck smiled quickly. Raina was already used to the last name, which he was grateful for, because he had known that if his original plan for his life had worked out, there would have been a hyphenation of Waldorf and Bass, if not a complete denouncing of the idea of giving up her maiden name. But Raina wasn't Blair. Raina was loving and warm, she was always thinking about the future in a way that didn't involve completed scrapbooks and kids' names. Chuck loved the way her mind worked, even if it was different from his first love's.

Lily smiled and chuckled as she listened to Raina. Russell just sat there in silence, uninterested in the talk of the women. Chuck felt the tension like a rope around them, though he chose to wait until the business week to bring anything up to him. Plus, he was still waiting to hear anything from Andrew Tyler, because that would open up a completely different problem for their marriage going forward.

"Anyway, I want to send them out immediately. I just wanted your opinion on them. Do you think the flakes of silver are too much?"

Lily shook her head, "No, no I think they are perfect."

* * *

Following her dress fitting, Blair headed back to her penthouse where she knew that she would be meeting Serena. The day was lovely thus far, and her best friend had been an absolute gem throughout the whole thing. She owed S a day of fun and relaxation, which she was fully prepared to provide. The blonde girl sounded like she was having a pretty horrible morning, and Blair knew that they had a lot to talk about.

She was waiting on one of the love seats in the den of her penthouse when the blonde arrived. However, there was something off about the way that Serena looked. Her hair was a mess, she was wearing no makeup, and her eyes were swollen. Blair was immediately taken aback, despite having already been under the impression that Serena was having a rough day.

"Oh my god, Serena, what's wrong?" She said, rising to her feet and opening her arms for a light embrace.

Serena instantly walked into Blair's arms, not even having the strength to raise her own to return the hug. She rested her chin on her best friend's shoulder, "It's such a long story. I don't even know where to start."

Blair pulled away so that she could look into the blonde's puffy blue eyes, "Does it have anything to do with what you've been wanting to tell me since I've been back?"

"It has everything to do with that," Serena said, sighing deeply as if fighting the urge to cry. Which she was, "It's just so much. And being around Nate all the time is just..."

"You're my best friend," Blair said, her voice full of both sadness and seriousness, "The day I took the tests to find out if I was pregnant, you were sitting outside of my bathroom door coaching me down. You never left me. And you kept my secret, even though it meant lying to someone you see all the time."

Serena felt her eyes brim with tears, "I know, B."

"There is nothing you can't tell me," she continued, "There is nothing that would make me disappointed in you, or turn my back on you. Those days are so far behind us I can barely remember them. But, Serena, you need to know that I would have done the same thing for you. Let me be here for you. Let me in."

* * *

"Well, the meal was exceptional, but I am afraid I must leave. I have an important call I have to make and I feel like I've already spent too much time worrying about work this afternoon," Russell said, shrugging slightly.

"You have," Raina said passive-aggressively, though her smile suggested that she was not nearly as angry as her tone made it seem.

Russell had already taken care of the tab, so the fact that they were all sitting around the table still was slightly awkward. Chuck felt the moments blur together as he watched Raina stand to say goodbye to her father, as he watched Lily accept a chaste kiss on the cheek from him. Chuck himself extended a hand to shake, though Russell gave him an odd look and simply smirked, "Good day, Charles."

As he walked away, Raina turned to them and said, "Well, Lily, before we leave, I'm going to excuse myself to the ladies' room."

Lily nodded understandingly, "I'll be waiting out here for you. I actually wanted a word with my son, anyway."

Chuck froze, cursing in his mind about the fact that the lunch had been nothing short of terrible for him as it was. Her tone of voice held so many possibilities. However, he quickly reminded himself that he wanted to know what Lily knew about the girl, and smiled sweetly at his fiancée as she waltzed off.

Lily turned to him, "So, I was able to witness your reunion with Blair at the afterparty."

Chuck lifted a few fingers to rub one of his temples as he sighed, "Yes, I do apologize for that. I was…in shock."

"Oh, I think we all were. But I completely understand, she was your first love, you hadn't spoken to her in years. I would have done the same."

His brows raised in surprise, "You would have?"

"Of course. You should have seen my reaction when Serena first mentioned the name 'Humphrey' to me. I was dumfounded," she said, nodding, "But, anyway, I do hope that the two of you can act more…normal the next time you see each other."

He cleared his throat awkwardly, preparing himself for the worst, "Actually, I have been meaning to talk to you about something very serious in regards to Blair."

Lily's brows raised, "Oh?"

"I saw her with…with a child. A girl. And it became known to me that the girl is Blair's…daughter," he watched Lily's face, trying to gauge whether her reaction was fabricated or genuine. He couldn't tell, and he continued, "I won't waste time hinting about it. She's almost five years old, Lily. And I think she could be my daughter, too."

His adoptive mother's eyes went wide, "You saw her?"

Chuck felt his entire body grow very numb when Lily responded. Rather than surprise about the fact that Blair had a daughter, his step mother expressed surprised about the fact that Chuck had seen the little girl. It was his worst nightmare, the fact that one of the people he trusted and loved most in the world, who had helped him get over the death of his father and the heartbreak he felt following Blair's departure, had been keeping the secret as well. Did everyone know but him?

"So, you knew about the girl," he said, suddenly very angry, "How long have you known?"

"Charles, I don't think you should be talking to me about this. What you really need to do is talk to Blair. I don't have answers for you," Lily said regretfully. She stood from the table, "And, if I were you, I would do so sooner rather than later. Raina deserves to be told soon, and I know you will want to know everything there is to know before telling her."

He sat back against the back of the chair and sighed, "You're right, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you and Serena knew and didn't tell me."

Lily sighed again, "So, you've had a chance to talk to Serena about it already?"

"No, actually. But if you knew, she obviously knew," he said, shrugging his shoulders as he watched a look of embarrassment dance across her face, "I'm going to, though. And I want to do it soon. Like you said, Raina should know. And when I asked Blair, she swore that the kid was someone else's."

She perked up, "Oh, so you _have_ talked to Blair?"

"Not as fully as I would have liked to. I'm going to catch her in her lie, Lily. And you know as well as I do, if someone is going to be able to bury something so deep that even my PI struggles to find it, it's going to be Blair Waldorf."

* * *

Blair's eyes grew wide as the words sank in, "Oh my god, Serena, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you call me? You know I would've gotten on the first plane over. I would've flown…commercial for you, if I had to."

Serena wiped the few tears that had sprouted from her eyes and stifled a grin at her best friend's ever-present pride. She sniffled quickly and replied, "I didn't want anyone to know. I know I should've told you…but if I told someone, it would be more real."

"And you know that I know exactly how that feels," Blair said with a sad sigh, "I'm so sorry I couldn't be here for you."

The tears continued lightly, though S continually rubbed them away with the sleeve of her sweater, "Yeah, I know, B. I just…I felt like I had died. I was no longer myself. I was depressed and confused and…hurt. Scared, more than anything, I was scared. About what it meant for me in the future, about how I suddenly was a completely different person. And Nate, well…Nate deserved so much better than that."

"Nate has loved you forever, you know that," Blair said, smiling as though that didn't bring up painful memories, "And so have I."

Serena smiled sadly, "Thank you. I love you so much, it's so much easier to deal with when you're here. It feels normal again, if that makes sense."

"Oh, I agree. Its scary normal, actually. Like nothing has changed and everything has changed at the same time," Blair said, thinking back to the night of the fashion show, when she and Serena had gone together. However, her thoughts were quickly interrupted when she heard Audrey stirring upstairs, "I think she's up from her afternoon nap."

Serena sniffed away the last of the tears and nodded eagerly, "Being around her has been so amazing, but so hard, you know? She's so perfect, B."

Blair allowed a small smile, "Yes, she loves you, and she loves endlessly. I don't know where she got that from."

"I do."

The blonde watched as Dorota escorted the tiny girl down the stairs. She'd been quickly changed into an adorable emerald green dress with long sleeves and a bow. It perfectly matched Blair's black dress with green embroidery, which caused her to look dark and regal. Blair always looks perfect, Serena couldn't deny that, but she had her own kind of look that nobody else had ever quite matched. And the only person who couldn't see it was Blair herself.

"Miss Blair, Miss Audrey woke up because of cough again," Dorota said, extremely concerned.

Blair sighed and stood from where she had been sitting in the den, "Come here, darling. Come sit with us and I'll see if it gets any worse, ok? How is your chest feeling?"

"Small," Audrey said, frowning.

Blair looked over at Serena and explained, "She means tight."

"Ah," the blonde said, "Is she ok?"

"Yeah, yeah she's fine…she just hasn't had a breathing treatment in a while and her medicine hasn't been working like it used to. Plus, this is the worse time of the year for her, so it was expected."

Serena smiled sweetly at Audrey, who grinned in return despite the cough. She really was a ray of sunshine, lighting up any and every room she wanted into, "Have you made that appointment with the specialist here yet?"

Blair looked up at Dorota, who nodded. B then turned back to Serena and said, "He's said to be the best in the world, though he, unfortunately, refuses to leave New York. So we will see what he recommends while we're here."

Audrey inhaled deeply and took her mother's hand.

Serena stared at the tiny girl and watched as Blair stroked her hair with her free hand. Audrey's cheeks were the perfect shade of pink, her bow shaped lips (courtesy of Blair) were plump and pouty, her eyes were still heavy with sleep. She was perfect, as the blonde had constantly been telling her best friend. And in that moment, for the first time in nearly six months, Serena felt calm. She felt at peace. She felt that the love in that room, the love that was shared with her, was enough to make her heal a tiny bit.

And all of that led her to what she said next, "I really should talk to Nate."

Blair looked over at her and she sat down and placed Audrey on her lap, "Yeah, that's a good idea, I think. And don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that you have been putting my situation with he who shall not be named ahead of your own, but you two really need to work things out."

Serena nodded in agreement, and pulled out her phone.

 **Serena: Hey, Nate. Are you busy right now? I wanted to come over and talk.**

 **Nate: Yeah, of course. Did something else happen with Chuck and Blair?**

She bit her lip, scared to push forward. She'd been putting off this conversation for months, and had almost resigned herself to avoiding it altogether. But she had to apologize and she knew that.

 **Serena: No, I actually meant about what happened with us. I really need to see you, please.**

 **Nate: Oh, ok yeah that's fine. I'm at the apartment packing some stuff up right now, I wouldn't mind the interruption. I hate packing anyway.**

She smiled at her phone.

 **Serena: Great, thank you, Nate. I'll be over soon.**

"I'm actually going to go now, I think," Serena said, "He said he's free now, so…"

Blair stood, her daughter still in her arms, "I'm coming, too. Just for moral support."

Serena stared at her, "Blair, but he's actually at-"

"Nope, no buts, you said this was easier with me and I'm not letting you down again. I don't have to be in earshot but I want to come. Just in case."

Serena swallowed at the thought of Blair going over to Chuck's suite, the same suite that he shared with his fiancée, "Yes I understand that, but right now Nate is-"

"Serena, is he or is he not free?" Blair asked.

S sighed, and stood up straight, "He is."

"Then I don't care. We are going now."

* * *

Chuck stood outside of the restaurant and felt his phone going off in his pocket. Arthur pulled the car around as he pulled out the phone to see Andrew Tyler's name. It was a sight for sore eyes considering the bomb Lily had just dropped on him about already knowing of the girl's existence. It seemed that Nate was the only real friend he still had.

"Please tell me you have some news," he said, skipping the greetings. The lunch hadn't put him in the mood for niceties.

Andrew Tyler cleared his throat, "I was able to find something, though I am working on gathering more details. It seems that the girl you are referring to spent a great deal of time at a hospital, about ten miles away from the chateau, in January and February of 2011. However, it is proving to be very difficult to figure out the reason for her frequent visits following her own stay in the beginning of January."

Chuck wanted to punch something. He could still hear Blair's words, words that had seemed to transparent and desperate, yet he had nothing to disprove them. _She was born prematurely…We stayed in the hospital for a while after she was born. She isn't yours, Chuck._

He grit his teeth. It seemed he had lost, "Keep looking. If you can figure anything else out, let me know. Look for anything indicating an affair following her arrival in France the previous summer, also."

"Will do," Andrew Tyler said, and then hung up.

He climbed into the back of the car, and his vision blurred over as he sat back against the cool leather of the seats. Arthur needed no direction. He knew that Chuck needed to be taken home and given a glass of scotch promptly.

Chuck couldn't tell what he felt. On the one hand, there was hope. Hope that he and Raina's life wouldn't have to drastically change because of the existence of a child he didn't know about. Hope that he could trust Lily again, hope that he could continue to have whatever relationship he had with Serena. On the other hand, however, he felt disappointed. Hearing the confusion in the little girl's voice, hearing her call for Blair as soon as she had entered the penthouse, was surprisingly lovely. Of course, at the time it hadn't been, but he remembered when that picture was his every dream. A set of brown eyes and pouty lips to match those he loved on Blair so much was all he had ever wanted. So, he found himself slightly disappointed by the fact that maybe Blair had been telling the truth.

He could hear the Harry Winston box screaming at him from the corner of his drawer in the apartment, and he hated himself for keeping it. He hated himself even more for not hating Blair when he wanted to. But he couldn't. He knew, realistically, he never could. He knew he never would.

* * *

Serena and Blair arrived at the suite fifteen minutes later, and the brunette had been silent since she had realized where they were going. The blonde shook her head, knowing that it was a bad idea, but Blair had insisted that she didn't care. And it wasn't Serena's fault that she didn't know what she was agreeing to.

Blair swallowed as they stepped out of the cab. The Empire looked different, though she knew that not much had changed. The lobby was slightly remodeled so that the floors were a decadent black and while marble, a tasteful choice that she knew she would have also made. Then again, she and Chuck had never had disagreements when it came to style.

"I didn't know Nate lived with Chuck," Blair hissed as they entered the elevator.

Serena nodded and told the operator the floor before saying, "He moved in shortly after you left. Chuck wasn't exactly equipped to be on his own for a while."

Blair sank back a little and tried to play with the embroidered pattern on the end of her sleeve to distract herself from the wave of guilt sweeping through her, "Oh…and um, Chuck will also be here? Because I'm pretty sure he hates me."

Serena shook her head, "When I texted him, Nate made it seem like he's the only one here, I think you're good. He's packing up to move out before the wedding."

"Oh, that's…good," Blair managed, feeling her throat close up with pain, "Wait, why didn't he hire someone to do that for him?"

"Not important right now, B."

They stepped out of the elevator and into Chuck's suite. The smell of him hit Blair full force, and she knew that she would have wholeheartedly believed that he was the only person who lived there based on the smell alone. She felt her throat go dry at the familiarity of it, and thought about how she'd felt the last time she saw him. In the foyer. In the robe. Stepping closer and closer to her, and she wondered if he had felt it too. The fatal attraction despite herself.

Nate rounded the corner and greeted them with a perfect white smile. He was initially shocked to see Blair, of course, for he had only been expecting Serena, and it had been years since Blair had been in that apartment. He approached the brunette first, not allowing his surprise to take away from the warmth in his voice, "Wow, hey, Blair, how have you been? Seems like it's been forever without you in New York."

"Hey, Nate. Yeah, it feels like a lifetime ago," she nodded shortly and opened her arms for an embrace, "It's been great, as you have apparently been caught up to speed on by Serena."

He smiled and nodded as he hugged her, "Yeah, I heard you were a mom now. Congratulations, seriously, that's awesome."

Blair smiled, "Thank you."

Serena stood there awkwardly as they continued to catch up with each other quickly. She wanted to bolt, to run to the elevator and never look back. But she couldn't. The situation had been real, and she told Blair that she would apologize to Nate for how she had treated him.

She cleared her throat, startling the other two, and said, "Oh, sorry, I forgot you hadn't seen Blair since she'd been back. She insisted on coming."

Blair turned back to Nate, "I wanted to make sure she went through with it."

Nate's expression turned very grave, "Ah, so I see she's caught you up, as well."

"Nate, could we maybe go in your room before I freak myself out even more than I already have?" Serena asked desperately. She tried to use a playful tone, but both Blair and Nate knew that she was absolutely serious about what she had asked.

Blair swallowed and nodded, "I'll be out here on the couch if you need me."

* * *

Chuck sighed as Arthur pulled up to the Empire. What he really wanted was a drink, a hot shower, and a late afternoon nap. It had been a long time since he had felt so torn, so full of self pity that he felt he was drowning with every breath he took. He didn't enjoy the feeling, though there was something comforting about the fact that it was the product of the same girl that it had always been.

He chuckled sardonically, wondering why he couldn't just ignore her after that. If he didn't have a kid, he wouldn't have any reason to worry about Blair Waldorf ever again. And he would try to hold himself to that.

He entered the hotel, crossed the lobby to the elevator, and boarded it all without blinking. He was in a daze, but he felt much better having come to the conclusion that he could be free of her forever. He would focus on himself, on Raina, on everything that he needed to do to gain the trust of Russell Thorpe once again.

He stepped out of the elevator, and immediately walked over to the bar without looking around the apartment. He immediately poured himself a drink, silently toasted himself on looking toward the future and not the past, and downed it in one large gulp.

Blair, who was still seated on the couch, watched him do so with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. What a coward she was, telling Serena she had to apologize to Nate when she herself couldn't face Chuck. She bit her lip and contemplated whether or not she should make her presence known. He was wearing a suit jacket, though no tie or bow tie from what she could tell, and he looked incredible. She cursed herself for thinking so, but she couldn't help it. He was still tanned from the summertime, which he undoubtedly spent in some paradise with his fiancée, and his hair was cut and smoothed to perfection. He was a man, she reminded herself. More of a man than she had given him credit for all those years ago.

Chuck suddenly felt that he was being watched, and glanced over his shoulder out of curiosity and slight panic. What he saw was both better and worse than he had imagined. Blair Waldorf was seated on his orange couch, looking as though she belonged there. He felt his body grow warm and his mouth fall open at the unexpected sight. She stood when his eyes landed on her, perfectly displaying to him her beautiful black knee length dress with emerald embellishment. It had three-quarter length sleeves, and was tight enough that it allowed him to remember running his hands over the slight curves of her waist and thighs. It was a torture method in itself, to see her in such an outfit. Additionally, her brown curls were down around her shoulders, perfectly framing her angelic face. If it weren't for the panicked expression in her eyes, he would have sworn he was dreaming.

"Chuck," she said nervously, her fingers interlocking themselves as she stared at him.

"Blair," he said, his brows slightly knitting themselves, "What are you doing here?"

He hated her, she just knew he hated her. She could see it in the way he stared at her, for there was something burning in his eyes that made her feel uneasy. The last time they had talked hadn't been pleasant, and she knew that he would never forgive her if he found out the truth.

"Serena needed to talk to Nate, and I wanted to come in case she needed me," she said, taking a step away from the couch, "I, uh, wouldn't have come if I had known he was here."

"No, its…its ok, you should be here for her," he said, swallowing, "Where are they?"

"In Nate's room."

He nodded shortly, and turned to pour himself another drink, "And what exactly are they talking about?"

Blair was surprised that he was so interested in Serena and Nate, rather than in their own drama. He had seemed very persistent in catching her in the lie, but standing in front of her was a completely different man. He was quiet and reserved, as if he had given up on exposing Audrey's paternity. B couldn't tell if that made her feel better or worse, but she carried on as if she wasn't overthinking his every move, "Their falling out, basically. And everything that led to it. It's a pretty sensitive subject for her."

Chuck looked up at her as he opened the bottle of scotch, "He never told me what happened, just that things between them were different. He didn't really seem to want to talk about it, so I never asked."

"Different," Blair said, snorting slightly, "Yes, I suppose that word could be used to describe them after what happened."

Chuck pulled out another glass and gestured toward it. Blair understood immediately, and nodded toward him. He poured her a glass as well, and she crossed the room to fetch it.

Serena hadn't told anyone besides Nate and Lily what she had been going through at the time, so Blair didn't know why she was so surprised that Chuck didn't know about it. She was sure that Nate would have told him something, considering the severity that it involved.

"He really never told you about Serena and Colin?"

Chuck shook his head, and inhaled sharply once Blair was beside him. She smelled the same, like lavender and honey, and he found himself very much afraid of what he would say or do if she got any closer. But he remained silent and waited for her to continue as she took the scotch and sat down on one of the bar stools.

"The entire time I've been back, Serena and Nate have been ignoring their own problems so that they could deal with ours. Can we agree to let whatever is going on right now go for today, so we can be there for them?" Blair asked, looking up at him with her perfect brown eyes. At one point, that look would make it impossible for him to deny her anything. Maybe it still could, because all feelings of uneasiness went away as he nodded.

She straightened her back and took a sip, trying to hide the obviously disgusted look on her face at the taste. Chuck smiled to himself, but made no obvious sign of adoration for the comical expression. Blair sighed, then, and said, "Now, Bass, I'm only telling you this because he's your best friend and she's mine, and they deserve to heal with our help. Ok?"

"Yes ma'am," he said quickly, and she rolled her eyes playfully at his mock seriousness.

"I'm serious, I wouldn't tell you if I didn't think it would be beneficial," she said, hating and adoring him for his inability to match her level of earnestness, "But anyway, you're aware of the fact that Serena took two gap years before starting at Columbia. Last year, her senior year, she had a professor named Colin Forrester."

"I remember," Chuck said, nodding in affirmation.

Blair continued, "Yes, him. Well, not to sugar coat anything, it would have been a big scandal that they were dating in the first place. Obviously completely inappropriate, being teacher and student and all."

Chuck smirked slightly, "I could understand the fantasy behind it, though."

Blair scoffed, "Of course you could. Anyway, let me finish," she said, taking another long sip of the scotch, "What would have been an even bigger scandal, had it come out, was the fact that Serena got pregnant."

B took another long gulp of the scotch, finishing off the glass, because she needed the liquid courage to help get her through the afternoon without crying. She was telling all of Serena's secrets and none of her own, which she knew she wanted to tell. She just couldn't. She was already in so deep, it would make it worse for both of them if she was honest. So, she swallowed her guilt and her alcohol, and continued with the story.

"Colin was a very handsome guy. Even though I never got to meet him, I remember Serena sending pictures and I remember everything Dorota could dig up about him suggested that he was extremely popular with the female undergrads. A good number of male ones, too. But as a young, handsome, successful bachelor in Manhattan, he wasn't ready to be a father. At least, that is what he expressed to Serena when she told him."

Chuck shook his head, but said nothing. The sound of muffled sobs could then be heard from Nate's room, and they both paused for a second out of pity before Blair finished the story. B shuddered slightly and went on, "So she was on her own. She told Lily, but apparently, she suggested that Serena…take care of the problem. And that wasn't what Serena wanted. So, she turned to Nate, who at the time was her closest friend," Blair cleared her throat, and Chuck could tell that that detail saddened her quite a bit, "You know Nate, he always wants to help and he's always loved Serena. He suggested that he could help her with the baby if she wanted to keep it. He offered to be like a father to it. And, when Serena seemed to favor the idea, he even proposed to her to help save face when people found out."

Chuck was taken aback by that more than anything else. Up until that point, he had been listening with a mulled sense of hesitation, as though something would change drastically. Of course, the idea of his step sister being pregnant and not telling him had been shocking, but the fact that Nate proposed to Serena and did not say a word was extremely out of character for the blonde boy. Nate and Chuck had been best friends for as long as they had known each other, and had lived under the same roof for five years. The fact that Chuck had been kept in the dark about what was one of the biggest decisions in a man's life was hurtful.

He flexed his jaw, "And then what happened?"

"She told him she would marry him. They made a few plans about what they were going to do about it, but they couldn't plan too much. Right before the third trimester, she miscarried," Blair said, taking a deep breath, "And she moved back in with her mom and stopped speaking to Nate, because I guess it was too painful for her."

"That's why he stopped talking about her all the time," Chuck said, understanding blooming across his face.

Blair nodded, "That's why she and Lily have been so distant, too. Serena admitted to me that she knew Lily didn't want her to keep the baby in the first place, so S immediately felt that her mother would somehow be happy about the miscarriage. Which, I'm sure, wasn't the case. But Serena doesn't deal well with these things."

Chuck shook his head, baffled by everything he had just heard. He didn't know where to begin. All of that had gone on right under his nose and all he had been worried about was Raina, the wedding, and his company. More recently, Blair.

"I…I just can't believe neither of them told me."

A small smile spread across her lips, and Blair couldn't resist the urge she felt to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. They both winced at the shock the touch produced, and she quickly removed it before either of them acknowledged what they had felt. She cleared her throat, "I know how that feels, believe me. And for the past week, Serena's been playing with my daughter as if nothing was bothering her, though I can't imagine that that didn't hurt like hell."

Chuck blinked shortly and felt his hands grow cold. He clenched his jaw once again and said, "Can we please not talk about that right now?"

Blair's entire body tensed up then, because for a second she had forgotten that they weren't the old Chuck and Blair, and that she couldn't just saw what she was thinking around him like she used to. Things were different.

"Right, yeah, I'm sorry," she bit her lip. Both of them were remembering their own situation, then, and neither one wanted to say it. So, she persisted in talking about Serena and Nate, "I am just really glad that Serena had Nate. I mean, I can't imagine what it would feel like to blatantly agree to love another man's child like that."

Blair, another man's child, the girl. All thoughts were once again swirling around in his head, and he gripped the glass so hard that his knuckles turned white. But the thing that confused him most was that he still couldn't hate her in that moment. In fact, he felt the opposite whenever he was in her presence. That was even more scary, because he wasn't himself anymore. He wasn't the Chuck that he had worked so hard to become over the past few years. He felt waves of his old self and his old feelings come and go, and the fact that the girl was, possibly, another man's child was enough to make him dizzy. He decided he was very much disappointed in that moment. His mouth went dry, and he couldn't stop the words from escaping his lips, "I imagine that it's actually pretty easy, when you love the child's mother so much."

Blair looked up at him in confusion, though before she could speak, Serena and Nate entered the den once again. Serena's eyes were wet with tears, and there was an obviously wet spot on Nate's button up shirt that suggested she had been crying into his chest. Blair and Chuck stood and faced them, all awkwardness fully returning.

"Chuck, I didn't think you'd be back already," Nate said, avoiding the conversation of how long he had been there and what had gone down out there while he had been talking with Serena.

Chuck smirked as normally as he could manage and said, "I passed the offer of going dress shopping with them. Apparently, it's bad luck, anyway."

Blair looked up at him, "She's buying her wedding dress?"

"Maybe," Chuck said quickly, though he had no interest in discussing that with Blair.

Serena stepped forward and said, "Hey, B, I'd really like to go back and rest now, if that's ok. My head is killing me from all the..."

"Yeah, no of course," Blair said, turning to Chuck. The entire room evaporated when their eyes met, and she found herself thinking of the beautiful apartment in Paris with the balcony and their daughter happily interacting with them. They had been a family in the dream. And, for a minute when they were talking about other people's scandals and he was making jokes, it was like nothing had ever changed with them. She stared into the same amber colored eyes that she had a thousand times before, and saw hints of the man he was when she'd known him. The boy he was, she reminded herself. It was easier to cope with her guilt if she thought about how young they both were. How young that both could be again whenever they were around each other, "Bass."

Chuck, on the other hand, was thinking about everything that had gone wrong with them. It had been years since he had seen her in that suite, and while it had seemed natural for a while, it seemed foreign then. And he thought about how badly he wanted to punish her for leaving him, for breaking his heart and then returning with a child that he had quickly convinced himself could be his. He was so stupid sometimes, and most of those times had involved her in some way, "Waldorf."

They all four said their goodbyes, and Chuck and Blair smiled at each other as though they were trying to convince themselves that their drama was over and they could stop hating each other for good. But they both knew that was far from the truth.

* * *

 **Hey lovelies! This chapter took a bit to write, because it changes soooo much about the story line, but it was my plan all along to reveal things bit by bit, so I hope you enjoyed it! As always, feedback is welcomed and cherished. Xoxo, M**

 **p.s. Special thanks to Klarobass for the consistent and amazing reviews!**


	9. Society Women and Shopping Sprees

Society Women and Shopping Sprees

Serena wiped her eyes as they walked down the street toward the Waldorf-Rose penthouse. Blair had been silent the entire time, and S couldn't decide if that was for her sake or B's own. Either way, she was feeling worse and worse with each step she took, and felt the need to ask, "If you were me, what would you have done after you lost the baby?"

Blair blinked, and frowned sadly as she stared at the busy street beside her, "It's impossible for me to answer that and you know it. It was a terrible situation, you did what you were comfortable with. I can't imagine that I would have done a lot differently if I was hurting as badly as you were."

S felt another tear slip down her cheek, "I've been wanting to hear someone say that for six months."

Blair smiled slightly, and grabbed her best friend's hand, "Well, now you know that no matter the situation, you can talk to me about it and I will be there for you. Regardless of anything else."

Serena nodded and squeezed her best friend's hand, "Thank you for coming with me, B. Really. I know that if I had been by myself I wouldn't have even made it up the elevator."

Blair nodded shortly, "That's why I came. And I hope you feel at least a little better."

"I do, I really do. I feel like Nate and I can be…real friends again," Serena said with surprising confidence. It was the first peace she had felt in months. She turned back to Blair and added, "And I even made you sit through a conversation with Chuck…I'm so sorry, I really didn't think he would be there. Nate made it sound like he's never there on the weekends."

Blair shook her head and lifted her free hand as if to silence Serena, "Actually, it's fine. We agreed that, for both of your sakes, we would pretend nothing was wrong."

Serena raised her brows, "And he abided by that? After the way he reacted?"

Blair just nodded. She didn't understand it either, but it had happened. It was like he suddenly wasn't worried about it, and she wasn't going to complain about a good thing when there were more important things to be thinking of.

* * *

He couldn't help but be worried. What did that mean going forward? Were they going to be.. _civil_ with one another? After all, she was still going to be in New York for quite some time. And the fact that they had run into each other several times in the first week of her being there didn't give him a lot of hope for never seeing her again.

Nate had taken three shots since Serena and Blair had left, and Chuck had finished two more glasses of scotch in record breaking time. They kept looking at each other from across the bar in their apartment, neither one of them saying anything but both of them understanding what the other one was feeling. Chuck's mouth was suddenly very dry, and he went to pour himself another. It seemed to be a knew low.

Why did Blair have to be so fucking problematic? Why couldn't anything be easy with her? Even putting aside their differences and focusing on the wellbeing of their best friends, which had been natural in the moment, had taken such a toll on him. She was like a virus. All he could concentrate on was what that meant for him going into the next two months.

Nate sighed and eventually said, "So, I guess Blair told you."

Chuck, feeling like an ass for once again letting the moment be about him in his own mind, nodded gravely, "I had no idea."

"Well, good. I didn't want anyone to," Nate said, placing the shot glass on the counter with a distinct 'clink', "I thought I'd done a shit job at hiding it…so at least I can feel better about that."

"Nathaniel, I…" Chuck paused, trying to find the right words and realizing it was hopeless. He sighed, frustrated, and took a sip of the third glass he'd poured himself since they'd left, "I hope to be half of the man that you are, half as good of a friend as you were to Serena."

That's all he could come up with, but it felt strangely appropriate. Nate nodded silent thanks, and the feeling that passed between the two of them was nothing be respect, brotherly love, and sympathy. They were both hurting. And soon, it wouldn't be as easy for them to unwind together over a few drinks at the bar in their apartment, because Nate would be elsewhere and Chuck would have a wife.

Nate desperately wanted to think about something else, and his mind went back to his conversation with Raina. _I think he still loves her_. It was hardly the time to bring it up, but he knew he had to ask sooner or later, "Chuck, do you still feel something for Blair? After all this time?"

Chuck didn't move a muscle. He didn't even look up at Nate as he answered, "I haven't felt anything but detestation for Blair Waldorf in years."

Nate was surprised, though he didn't know why. Chuck had every reason to hate her, but for some reason, that confession felt off. He blinked and asked, "That's really how you feel?'

"That's really how I should feel." Chuck finished the rest of the third scotch and promised himself he wouldn't drink another. His mind began to feel sweetly obscured from the alcohol, exactly the level he needed to be at to feel nothing and everything as he spoke. Nate still didn't know about the little girl, that Chuck knew of, and he wasn't going to bring that up and start a whole different conversation that would only upset him more. He needed to accept that she wasn't his. If he could do that, he could probably find it in himself to forgive her someday. What a relief that day would be for him.

* * *

A few days passed and nothing seemed to go wrong. Blair was extremely grateful. She'd taken Audrey to Butter, to the Met steps, to St. Constance, and to most of the other places that had meant something to her years ago. Audrey soaked up every little bit of the experience in her usual, brilliant way. She asked lots of questions, wanted lots of pictures taken of herself (she was a ham for a camera), and told Blair how excited she was at every turn. It made B's heart absolutely burst, and she regretted having not brought her sooner, though also knew that Audrey Grace may not have enjoyed it as much if she was any younger.

And after a long day of visiting Tiffany's, Bendel's, and every other shop they could squeeze in, Blair wanted to collapse on her bed and sleep for two months. But she knew that she was meant to attend a dinner with her mother and the chair of the Open-Heart Gala that night, along with several other members of the committee. She sighed loudly, a sound full of exhaustion and frustration, but forced herself to freshen up and look alive by the time her mother was ready to go.

She chose an elegant dark brown dress that matched her hair and threw on some gold jewelry to give it the perfect autumn accents it deserved. She touched up the light makeup she'd had on from earlier and, in the middle of that, found herself staring at the deep brown eyes in the mirror. She'd blinked and she was suddenly almost twenty-five, about to attend a meeting of for a society committee that she'd always envisioned herself joining back when she wanted to be the perfect Stepford wife to Nate. She couldn't help but smile at herself wryly, thinking of how much had changed since that was her dream.

Her mother was waiting for her downstairs, a proud look in her eyes as B descended the large staircase in the middle of the Waldorf-Rose penthouse. Eleanor smiled, "You look perfect. The women on the committee aren't going to believe that you're the same person you were when you left."

Blair released a single, choked laugh, "Well, that's good to hear, considering I feel like I'm not the same person."

Eleanor took her daughter's arm in her own and sighed happily, "I know, my darling. You've gone through a lot more than most your age already. But I trust that you've done the best you can for yourself, and I'm sure they'll see that, too. This gala will be the perfect debut for your name and your dress. I was so glad Wendy agreed to let you be on the committee last minute."

Blair sighed, though not as happily as her mother, and paused as they boarded the elevator before speaking, "I am grateful to her, truly. I think having my name on something fantastic again is going to really begin to open doors. And, mother, who else is on the committee? Any strong personalities I should be aware of beforehand?"

Eleanor paused as she sorted her thoughts, "Well, Wendy Fitzhodgins, of course. Lily is, and I'm sure she'll be glad to see you. Veronica Lovett and her daughter, Lucia, Patricia Clairmont, Deann Frazier, Raina Thorpe, and Jennifer Randall," a knowing look came across her mother's face as Blair's eyes widened in horror, "I know what you're thinking."

"That I can't believe you didn't warn me about this?" Blair said incredulously. She felt her chest tighten and she said, "You'd be right about that."

Eleanor placed a comforting hand on Blair's forearm, "I didn't want you to shy away from the opportunity based on one person on the committee. I have no doubt you'll find it in yourself to be cordial, with your future prestige in question."

Blair groaned. Her mother was right; there was no way she was letting this opportunity go just because Chuck's fiancée happened to be there. She would hate it, but it would have to be done. And she was interested to see how long it took Raina to say something, if she even knew who Blair was. At the afterparty, she didn't seem to recognize her, which surprised B a great deal in some ways and not at all in others. If Chuck had been as hurt as Serena had made it seem, it wasn't a shock to think that he didn't want to talk about her to his new love.

She sighed. It was going to be an interesting night.

* * *

"I don't want to play dolls right now," Audrey Grace said, dramatically throwing herself on the loveseat in the den.

Serena groaned, and plopped down next to her, "Then what do you want to do? Do you want to…watch a movie? Go to a movie? Go get gelato?"

Audrey shook her head and pursed her lips in thought, something that looked very much like a Chuck expression. Serena swallowed hard and dismissed the thought, wishing it had never occurred. Too messy. The tiny girl sighed and looked around, "I want to go shopping again."

"You just went shopping all day with mommy," Serena said insistently. Dorota, who was still tidying up the bags, gave Serena a look that communicated the blonde had no idea what she was in for.

"Yes, but I'm ready for more!" she said, jumping up from the loveseat and turning her big brown eyes toward S, who knew she was no match for them.

Serena couldn't help but chuckle to herself. In the span of a minute, Audrey had clearly displayed that she was both Chuck's daughter _and_ Blair's daughter. It was nothing short of comical, and Serena couldn't help but pick her up and squeeze her tight.

"Ok, ok, we can go shopping again. An Auntie S and Audrey Grace shopping spree!" Serena said, delighted that she was able to spend that night with her goddaughter. The tiny girl hugged S's neck tightly in silent thanks and kicked her legs as if to signal that she was ready to be put back down. Serena obliged and asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Bergdorf's."

Serena didn't know whether to be concerned that Audrey so strongly knew the place and wanted to go there, or proud. She settled on the latter, and within minutes, they were off.

* * *

"Let's do something tonight," Nate said as he entered the den of their apartment. Chuck was sitting there, reading through some paperwork he'd brought home, and looked up at him with doubt in his eyes.

"Anything in particular you're wanting to do?" he asked, his voice deep.

Nate shrugged, "I don't know. I feel like all I've done in the past few days is pack and go to work. Raina's at that dinner, you're drinking in the apartment. That means we should do something together."

Chuck sighed heavily and considered his options. Drink and overthink or spend time with Nate and overthink. He nodded at his best friend eventually and walked over to him. Nate was wearing a pair of nice jeans and a button up, while Chuck was in his usual tailored day suit complete with perfectly coordinated tie and pocket square. It was leftover from work.

"I mean, I'm supposed to be meeting with my family for the first time in I don't know how long to celebrate Trip and Maureen's son's christening. I've been meaning to get a new tie for it. My mom always shits on the ones I already have," he said with a slight chuckle. It had been a while since he'd had Serena to help him out with that kind of stuff, and he figured Chuck was probably the next best thing, "If you have nothing else to do?"

Chuck arched a brow, "You want me to play girlfriend for the night?"

Nate laughed a little uncomfortably, "You're not really my type, but if you're up for it."

"Well, I don't really feel like finishing this at the moment," Chuck said, gesturing towards the papers. He stood from his seat, adjusted his jacket slightly and began to walk toward the elevator while saying, "And you'd be lucky if you could get my attention, Archibald."

* * *

Blair and Eleanor entered the restaurant _The Duke's Table_ , as if they had been there a thousand times. In reality, Eleanor had been once with Cyrus and that was it. It was an extremely high-class place that had just opened a year or two before, and one had to have serious connections to be able to get a table within a month of wanting one. Luckily for them, Wendy Fitzhodgins knew everyone worth knowing in Manhattan.

She was already seated when they arrived, along with several other women. Wendy had copper colored hair that was short and curly, perfectly styled as if she had it done professionally every morning. She was wearing a white blazer with a perfect diamond necklace that immediately commanded both of their attention as they walked up. Blair was in awe, thinking it had to be from the recent Tiffany's collection that she had seen earlier that day with Audrey. It probably cost what it did to live in the Waldorf-Rose penthouse for a few months. Her husband was the Vice President of an oil company that had business headquarters in Spain, and they spent most of the year apart, which didn't seem to hinder her success in New York in the slightest.

She smiled genuinely as they approached, "Eleanor, you look lovely! And Blair, my goodness. I haven't seen you in…five, six years? You look incredible."

Blair smiled sweetly at her, and as Wendy rose from her seat at the table briefly, they placed delicate kisses on each cheek, as was Spanish tradition when greeting someone. Wendy liked to pretend that her husband, though a Scotsman in ancestry, was overwhelmingly Andalusian, "Thank you, Wendy, yes it has been a few years, though you would never know it. You look exactly the same." Which wasn't a lie. She did. Her surgeon was very talented.

Eleanor and Wendy exchanged pecks as Blair's mother thanked her kindly for the words of welcome. Blair then turned to the rest of the table, finding the dark eyes of Raina Thorpe staring back at her with unease. She couldn't help but frown slightly, though she tried not to make it obvious in front of everyone she needed to impress.

Her mother smiled and turned to everyone. With a proud tone she said, "Ladies, I'd like to introduce those of you who do not already know her to my daughter, Blair, who is currently working on establishing a branch of my company in Paris."

The other women, minus Raina, smiled and commented on how exciting and impressive that is for Blair. She smiled sweetly as they introduced themselves. She already knew Wendy, obviously, but she barely knew the others and a refresher wouldn't hurt.

Blair already knew Patricia Clairmont. Her son, Kian, had graduated from St. Jude's the same year as the rest of them. In high school, he'd had a reputation for being one of the guys on the lacrosse team who you wouldn't trust to hold your drink while you did something at a party. All the same, Blair was friendly toward her, and turned to meet the rest of the committee.

"Hi, I'm Veronica Lovett," a beautiful older woman with jet black hair said. Her eyes were skeptical, though she seemed harmless. In fact, she had a very similar atmosphere to Blair's own mother, so that made her feel less awkward about her.

A beautiful girl with the same black hair but softer, smaller facial features smiled beside her and said, "I'm Lucia, her daughter. It's nice to meet you, I've heard all about you from your mother."

Blair smiled warmly at her, immediately getting the sense that Lucia was someone she wouldn't mind getting to know better. A woman who looked maybe ten years older than Blair herself smiled at her. She had thick brown hair and a beautiful array of freckles across her nose and cheeks, and her overall presence demanded respect and admiration. She extended a hand toward B and said, "Hi, Jennifer Randall, nice to meet you."

Hugh Randall was one of the biggest names in New York real estate, reaching a level of prestige almost mirroring that of Bart Bass. He was much older than his wife, and while Blair had never met him, she couldn't imagine that he deserved such a beauty.

A woman with a beautiful afro and thick black glasses nodded at her, "Deann Frazier."

Blair simply said 'hello' to each of the women who had introduced themselves. Eleanor chose an empty seat two down from the black-haired girl, so Blair settled decided to settle in between the two of them happily. Then she remembered Raina.

She smiled artificially, as she always did when faced with a situation involving someone she didn't care to know, and said, "I don't believe we have officially been introduced yet, I'm Blair Waldorf."

Raina tried to force a smile, "Yes, I heard. I'm Raina Thorpe."

And that was all. They turned away from each other after having said what they were expected to and tried to ignore the fact that the other existed. Blair sighed softly. Hopefully it would go by quickly and painlessly.

Lily arrived right on time. She looked amazing, as always, and took her seat next to Raina. All of the women greeted her warmly as she did so.

She turned to Blair quickly, before they were to discuss how to wrap up planning within a month of the event, and said, "Hello, Blair, it _is_ good to see you. I hadn't really had the chance to properly welcome you home last week at the after party."

Blair shrugged slightly and said, "Yes, I completely understand, things were a little hectic," at this, Raina frowned, but said nothing. Blair continued, "But I hope you haven't been missing your daughter too much. I forgot how great it was to be so close to her, I guess I haven't been sharing very well."

Lily smiled, though there was a touch of sadness in her eyes. She replied, "No, no that's just fine. I think having you here has been really good for her."

Nobody at the table could have possibly understood the severity of that statement, but Blair knew. She and Lily exchanged a sympathetic nod and said nothing else about it.

Wendy smiled, "Great, now that we are all here, I _did_ have some concerns about the pieces the string quartet has selected…"

* * *

Serena and Audrey had been looking around for almost an hour by the time Serena was ready to try a few things on. Bergdorf's had an amazing selection of outerwear for the cooler season, so she'd selected a few outfits suited to autumn and winter that she would try on with the jackets to see if they worked well together. Audrey soon learned that shopping with Auntie S was just as exciting and drawn out as her mother had made it sound.

She didn't mind, though. She loved Serena like a true member of the family. She had seen her every time the blonde had visited her mother in Paris, and she always came bearing beautiful gifts from New York. It was one of Audrey's favorite times of the year when Serena came to see them.

Audrey didn't find anything she wanted to really try on apart from a few pairs of shoes, which she had modeled for Serena prior to the trying on part of their shopping spree. So, she walked with Serena across the store, looking around at everything and everyone as she did so.

She stared at the men's clothes as they passed them, thinking about how excited Roman would be if he was with them. She missed her grandfather and his husband, though she knew that she would see them as soon as she got back and that they would be over the top dramatic about her return. It was definitely something to look forward to when she would eventually have to convince herself that she was ready to leave the city.

While briefly browsing the male apparel section, she saw someone she recognized. The man in the suit with dark hair that had been talking to her mother in their apartment that day. She stared at him, realizing that Serena hadn't seen him, and wondered what he was like. He was her mommy's friend, though she had never seen her mother so upset. It was very confusing for her, but she still wanted to meet him.

But she knew that Serena wouldn't let her if she asked. She thought to herself about how this could work and knew that there was a way. Auntie S would probably get angry with her, but she was too curious not to follow through with her little plan.

They made it to the fitting room, and Audrey went inside with Serena as was expected. Serena had so many things in her hands that the little girl knew that it would take a while. She sighed and waited as S undressed to put on an outfit.

"You know, you can really pick out anything you want," Serena let her know, again, "It would be my treat. I like to spoil you when I can. You're my favorite goddaughter."

Audrey cocked her head to the side, "Do you have another one?"

Serena laughed shortly, "No, I don't. But even if I did, you'd be special."

Audrey Grace beamed at that. Serena was so nice and pretty, and she would make a very good mommy someday. There was a lot about her that was easy to love, and she seemed to have a lot of love to give in return. Audrey loved lying in bed between her mother and Serena, watching movies, eating popcorn, and drinking her favorite juice. It was her favorite time.

Serena was in her bra and underwear when Audrey saw the opportunity. She opened the door to the dressing room and ran out. Serena wouldn't run after her naked, after all.

"Hey! Audrey, stop-" she called, but the little girl had rounded the corner already.

She sighed to herself and walked over to the men's section to find him still standing there, looking at a pair of pants that were much uglier than the ones he already had on. She smiled. He looked like he was nice once you got to know him, but he also looked like he didn't get to know a lot of people. But she just knew that she would like him.

She walked right up and tugged on his pants to get his attention. He looked down at her, startled, and fell silent as she spoke.

"You are mommy's friend," she said, her voice full of wonder. Her big brown eyes stared up at him as if he was the most interesting person in the world. He immediately recognized her, and felt his head begin to hurt at the thought of what this interaction would mean for him.

Chuck found himself at a loss for words. In the apartment, he had barely gotten the chance to see her. But there, just the two of them staring at each other in fascination, he could see how perfect she was. She mirrored Blair in pretty much every way possible. Her hair was slightly lighter, as were her eyes, which were suspiciously closer to amber than Blair's deep brown. She smiled at him, waiting for him to speak, and he felt a dragging sensation in his chest, "Oh, Blair…yes, I am…is she here with you?"

"No, she's at dinner. Auntie S is with me, but I left her in the other room," she explained, and Chuck felt a smile tug at his lips. She was probably a devious, but sweet little thing. She cocked her head to the side slightly and asked, "How do you know mommy?"

He wanted to laugh outwardly at that, "We've known each other for a very long time. Since kindergarten."

She beamed proudly, "I'm almost in kindergarten!"

"Yes, so we have been friends since we were your age," he said, realizing how incredibly long ago that felt. He smiled softly as he looked down at her, "I'm Chuck Bass."

"I'm Audrey Waldorf," she said, bearing all the pride in the world as she introduced herself, "But sometimes I like to be called Audrey Grace. My middle name is after a princess."

Chuck nodded, and his brows flew up in dramatic wonder, "Grace Kelly? That's really cool. I remember your mom always loved her movies."

"I do, too. We watch them alllllll the time," the tiny girl said, dragging out her words for emphasis. Chuck found himself loving her more with every passing second.

"Hey, Chuck, I-" Nate said, walking toward him and holding two ties. In his right hand was a dark green with a silver pattern on it, and in his left was a burgundy tie that had almost unnoticeable white dots on it. He stopped speaking when he noticed the little girl in front of his best friend. He looked nervously between the two before settling his eyes on her, "Hello…"

"Hello," she said warmly, and turned back to Chuck, "Is he also one of-"

"Audrey Grace," Serena hissing, rounding the corner in a little robe that had obviously been thrown on in a hurry. Nate's eyes widened in appreciation, though he said nothing. Chuck looked down at Audrey, who's face had turned pink with embarrassment over the fact that she had been caught talking to people who were technically strangers to her.

Serena froze as she saw them, though the slight touch of a small on Chuck's lips suggested that everything was fine. As long as Blair didn't find out, everything was fine, "Uh, hey, guys," she cleared her throat and looked back down at the little girl, "I told you, you can't run off all by yourself, ok? It would make me very, very upset if anything happened to you."

Audrey Grace looked guilty, and simply nodded. S then turned her attention to the guys once again, her cheeks now blushing like crazy. Chuck laughed darkly, and Nate hit his arm slightly to shut him up. It felt like they were children again for a moment.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked, slightly irritated.

Nate lifted the two ties in his hands up, "Shopping."

"Right, of course, yeah. Well, we better be going," Serena said, nodding awkwardly. She grabbed Audrey by the hand. What could she say in that situation? 'Audrey, you aren't allowed to talk to that man because he happens to be your father'. She couldn't do it. She would let Blair decide what to do. She turned back to Nate before they headed back to the dressing room and said, "Oh, and Nate? The burgundy is much better. Trust me."

* * *

It was almost an hour and a half in and Blair was extremely tired of hearing some of the women talk. Veronica Lovett seemed wonderful, however her voice was too whiny to be pleasant, and Blair felt bad for the fact that Lucia had had to listen to that all her life. Patricia was extremely self-absorbed, so it was a wonder how any decision was made by anyone else that she agreed with. The rest of them were relatively painless as individuals, but together were enough to made Blair excuse herself to the bathroom as many times as she could without seeming like she had some sort of bladder infection.

They were pretty much finished with business talk by the time people began specifically addressing her again. Lucia smiled and asked, "So, how do you like living in Paris compared to New York? I've always loved it, but I feel like I would miss it here."

Blair nodded, "That's exactly how I feel, actually. New York has always been home, but I feel like I'm…more myself when I'm in Paris." Raina chuckled slightly, and Blair couldn't stop herself from turning toward her and asking, "Is that amusing?"

Raina immediately grew very awkward, as if she hadn't expected Blair to hear her. But she had. And she'd called her out on it. Raina cursed herself silently, remembering what picture of Blair Nate had painted for her the other day. _Blair is…dramatic. And selfish._

She straightened her posture and said, "Sorry, no, I was just thinking of something else."

Blair stared at her for several moments, trying to figure out whether it was worth it to say something else. Raina stared right back, not wanting to be the first one to break the tension-filled eye contact that they were sharing. The roof could've begun to crumble above them and still neither woman would want to back down.

However, there was one subject that commanded Blair's attention more than proving to Raina that she was not one to mess with, and Jennifer Randall caused B's focus to be lost immediately and be replaced with panic, "Oh, and Blair! My husband works a lot with your father, dealing with contracting or something, and he told me that you have a little girl! Congratulations! How old is she now?"

Blair's neck snapped as she turned to face the woman, who had singularly ruined the night with that one seemingly harmless question. All attention was on her, Lily's eyes were wide with fear, though not as wide as Blair's, "Oh, yes, thank you…she's, um…turning five in January, actually."

Raina's mouth fell open as she realized what this could mean, and nobody at the table had any idea that she was freaking out besides Blair and Lily, who both also looked like they were going to be sick. Raina glanced back and forth between the two of them rapidly, trying to figure out if the truth of the subject was as terrible as she was imagining it was. Did Chuck and Blair have a daughter that he didn't tell her about? Was her life as she pictured it about to change forever based on this new information?

Jennifer smiled, "Oh! My son, Sebastian, is turning five in December! We'll have to set them up for little get together sometime."

Raina stood from where she was seated at the table, her mind absolutely spinning. She hated Blair Waldorf. She hated what this woman represented in her life: everything that could possibly go wrong between her and Chuck before their wedding. Her nostrils flared and she placed her napkin on her empty plate and nodded at the other women out of consideration, "Sorry, ladies, but I actually have to excuse myself…I forgot that Chuck is waiting for me…"

Blair's lips tightened into a thin line as Raina mentioned him. She hated Raina, and everything she represented in B's life: everything that could have been, everything that never would be again. She had Chuck, not that Blair could admit that she wanted him, but she was the embodiment of how much he had changed for the better without Blair. It hurt more than she cared to think about. She wished that Raina would leave automatically, as she had made it sound, though the woman stuck around to answer a few last questions.

Deann's smooth voice asked, "Oh! Congratulations are in order for you, too! Have you found the perfect dress yet?"

Lily smiled, and Raina nodded, though she couldn't find it in herself to be happy to answer it with Blair staring at her. Blair, who was probably the mother of Chuck's child. Raina swallowed and said, "Y-yes, found it just the other day, actually. We are very excited."

Her voice mirrored none of that excitement. Blair was slightly seething in her seat, and Raina made final eye contact with her before saying her farewells and truly leaving the table. Both women took a deep breath to keep from screaming.

* * *

Chuck was back in his apartment with Nate, who had, in fact, purchased the burgundy tie, when his phone began to ring. The paperwork that had been spread out across the table in their den was still there, and he was still staring at it as if he meant to do something with it that night, which he absolutely did not. The phone call was a welcome distraction.

Andrew Tyler. Chuck's brows knitted, wondering what else his PI had found that would be of interest to him. He wondered if he'd found the man who was probably Audrey's father, and wanted to confirm it for him that she was not his. That made his stomach hurt a little, especially after meeting her. She seemed to be an intelligent little one, and her eyes were so big and beautiful that he knew any man could love her as his own, even if she wasn't his biologically.

He shook his head. Those were dangerous thoughts to be having. He clicked the button on his phone to answer it and held it up to his ear, "Andrew, what else have you found?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure, but I figured it was worth updating you on until I knew anything definite," he said quickly, pausing for a moment while Chuck waited to hear the news, "It seems that the woman has visited the hospital pretty frequently over the last four years, though it isn't to the doctor's that she would necessarily be visiting for a premature child."

Chuck inhaled deeply, "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's been difficult for me to get ahold of any kind of medical records, because I've been having to pull some strings for those, but it looks like she began visiting an OBGYN in early June of 2011," Andrew Tyler continued, "Also, the doctor she's been visiting for the past few years is a pediatric pulmonologist, if that means anything to you."

Chuck felt his fingers grow numb. Even if she had only been a few weeks along in June, that put the due date closer to January than Blair had made it sound. And, if she had truly been born early, he couldn't imagine that Audrey Grace would have been fine in only three or four weeks. Well, it was possible, but not probably, and that fact filled him with a weird sense of hope. He didn't know if he was grasping at things and reading into them in an unrealistic way, but he didn't care. So, there _was_ still a chance that she was his daughter. He swallowed, his throat very dry, and said, "Thank you, as always, Andrew. I will see if that means anything."

* * *

 **Hello everyone! It's been a while, I'm sorry about that. I'd already had part of this chapter written, and I think it was necessary to set some things up for the future. So, even though there were no Chuck and Blair scenes (sigh), this will be important! Thanks for reading!**

 **Xoxo**

 **M**


	10. Same Old Blair

Chapter Ten: Same Old Blair

Raina entered their apartment that night with the wrath of God in her step. Why would Chuck not tell her something so important? Something that could affect their life together like that? If he already had a daughter with someone else, she would already be a stepmother. She would have to go out of her way to get used to a constant reminder of Blair Waldorf in their home, around their future children, and in the press, whenever that blew up.

So, to find Chuck in their den, having just hung up on someone and looking at peace, made her skin itch. She walked straight up to him, and as he turned to greet her, she smacked him straight across the face, "Why didn't you tell me about her?"

Chuck, still processing the fact that Raina had smacked him, blinked rapidly and looked up at his fiancée with confusion, "About who? I haven't been with someone besides you for years, Raina, whoever said otherwise is lying."

Raina stood up straight and crossed her arms over her chest, "Hmmm, comforting, but I was actually referring to Blair Waldorf's nearly five-year-old daughter? Sound familiar?"

His lips parted slightly and his eyes grew wide, "You know about her?"

"Yes, actually, I was _pleasantly_ surprised this evening by Blair now being on the committee for the Open-Heart Gala," she said, anger seeping through each word as she continued, "And one of the women just felt the need to congratulate her, having heard that she was a mother. I don't know why you would keep something so, so _serious_ from me-"

Chuck shook his head and said, "I only just found out she had a daughter last week…"

Raina's nostrils flared, "Is she yours?"

He exhaled a breath that he didn't know he'd been holding. He'd seen the look in that little girl's eyes when she'd spoken to him. It was like he was a God, the most amazing man in the world. The innocence and beauty in her big brown eyes had been enough to keep him staring at her throughout their entire conversation. He didn't know he'd needed to see her smile and hear her talk, but he had. And he'd loved every moment. It was a poor sign for the argument that she may not be his, but he couldn't help it. The little girl was worth hoping for. He stared at the ground and muttered, "I don't know."

Raina's brows rose and her face took on a new level of anger. She threw her arms down to her sides and shifted her weight, "You don't know? How many guys are in the running, exactly? I figured if it was serious enough for you to want to _marry_ the girl, for Christ's sake, you were at least exclusive-"

Chuck interrupted her immediately and took a step forward to communicate his seriousness, "Don't talk about her like that. We were…exclusive. But she claims that when she first got to France, there had been a man and that _he_ is the father."

Raina took a step back at the sudden ferocity in his voice. She took a few deep breaths before saying, "How do you know what she claims? Have you spoken to her, besides that night at the after party?"

He swallowed hard, "I ran into her. Blair, I mean, in Central Park. And then later…I saw _her_. The daughter. And I had questions, as any man in my position would."

"Well, if she says that you aren't the father, then why are we having this conversation? Why are you letting it affect us like this?" Raina said, gesturing between the two of them.

Chuck shook his head and sat back down on the couch, "I've called Andrew Tyler and its possible. But even besides that, I can't explain it…I just know it's not true. In my core, I can feel that she's hiding something." _I know Blair Waldorf, I know she's lying._

Raina's expression communicated that she was unconvinced. She scoffed and angrily asked, "So to back track…you'd figured all this out, and thought all of this through, and still hadn't told me?"

He sighed, knowing how bad it must look to her. He had been constantly thinking about it since he had found out and had let it affect how he acted around his fiancée. It wasn't something that was meant to be hidden and he knew that. But the whole situation felt like it should be private from Raina, somehow. His life with Blair and his life with Raina were two things that he never thought would intersect, and he had just been holding onto the last hope that they could be mutually exclusive. But they couldn't be, "I wanted to be sure of the facts. And, if I'm being honest, I didn't really know how to tell you."

She looked hurt. Her posture visibly relaxed, and she took on the appearance of a scorned child. "You can tell me anything and I will listen. I was hoping you would've grasped that when you decided to spend forever with me…"

He stood from his place on the couch and took her hands in his. He did really care about her. He wanted to make her feel like it was going to be alright, even if it wasn't. In that way, she was different from Blair. There had definitely been times when his first love sparked something in him that made him want to comfort her, but she would never really let him unless she was broken to pieces. She was independent and strong beyond words. Raina was a little different. Despite all of Russell's flaws, he'd loved his daughter, and the fact that she had been loved all her life and knew how to accept love was what made her so different from Blair, who never could. Who, maybe, never would.

"I should have told you I knew about her. Even if I wasn't sure about the details."

Raina sighed, calming down slightly, "No more secrets, please. Especially when it comes to Blair Waldorf."

* * *

 _Blair waited on the platform for her father to come pick her up from the station. It had been two years since she'd been home from Paris, and she felt fully refreshed. She'd left the girl in Paris and returned a woman. There could be no doubt about the fact that it had been good for her and she was ready to take on the world, one unanswered question from her youth at a time. She felt like a completely new person, and she was ready to face those she'd left behind with grace and maturity._

 _A car pulled past her, promptly stopped, and then backed up to perfectly position itself beside her. She smiled down at the driver's familiar light brown eyes and perfect smirk. There he was, after all that time. A blush rose in her cheeks at the fact that he was staring straight at her with a look of complete awe. A happiness she never knew spread through her body. She couldn't help it. She'd loved that smirk before she went to Paris, and she was sure that now, he would love her just as much._

 _Then a figure with perfect, glossy dark hair appeared in the passenger seat. The figure, a gorgeous woman who Blair knew immediately, looked her up and down in a disapproving fashion and motioned for him to keep driving. Blair frowned, and gripped the little dog in her arms. He was supposed to pick her up! And he was supposed to love her!_

Blair sat up in bed and sighed. Beside her, Serena stirred, and lifted her night mask so that she could ask, "Another dream?"

It was becoming a regular occurrence for Blair and Serena to fall asleep talking. Both of them had a lot to say, and a lot of healing to do. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to do that together. And despite all of their feuding teenage years, they knew that they would never find another best friend like the other. The night before, the topic of discussion had been Raina Thorpe and all of her petty facial expressions at the dinner for the Open Heart Gala.

"It was _Sabrina_ ," Blair said sadly, "Except when Audrey Hepburn came back from Paris, _he_ wasn't alone."

"David Larrabee was Chuck?" Serena asked, in a slight morning daze. She propped herself up on one elbow in an attempt to keep her eyes open, "Didn't she end up with Humphrey Bogart in the end, though?"

"Exactly. So, the dream went how it was supposed to,"' Blair said, burrowing herself in the duvet in order to make herself feel better, "Linus Larrabee will show up eventually."

"That's the spirit," Serena said sleepily, and collapsed back onto her pillow.

Blair was too annoyed to fall back asleep, though. She laid in bed for what felt like an hour, but was probably closer to ten minutes, and thought about the events of the previous night. Raina had looked so shocked by the mention of Blair's daughter, which was a good sign. It meant that Chuck hadn't told her.

 _Why exactly is that a good sign?_ Blair thought to herself. _It's not like you care about whether or not they talk about you._

She sat up in bed, content with lying to herself as usual, and began to prepare for the day ahead. Audrey Grace had an appointment with Dr. Jyer, the specialist who they had been anxious to see for several years. It had just never worked out. However, as they were in New York anyway and Audrey's condition hadn't improved over the years, they made the first available appointment with him. Focusing on what was really important would make Blair feel better in more ways than one. Audrey mattered more than the idea of Chuck and Raina, even if they were going to leave her at the station in the dream.

Serena fully woke up several hours later to see Blair step out of the bathroom, fully ready for the day. She was wearing a dove grey dress, long sleeved and loose fitting, with perfect nude lips and black Dior pumps. She was wearing black eyeliner, which she rarely did, and silver jewelry with little black stones for accent. Her hair was pinned out of her face and fell down her back in perfect curls, and Serena was happy to see that her best friend had easily recovered from the events of the night before.

"Audrey has an appointment this morning, and then we will probably go out to lunch," Blair announced, pulling out her phone to check any messages.

Serena nodded slowly, wondering if that was an invitation or not. She bit her lip and changed the subject casually, "I was thinking of texting Nate, maybe getting coffee to just go back to normal." _Well, the 'normal' that involved cleaning up our best friends' messes._

Blair nodded without looking up from her phone, "That'll be good. I want to see Nate again soon, too. I haven't had a chance to really talk to him since I've been back."

S pondered this. Now, was that _another_ opportunity for an invitation? Sometimes, with Blair, it was impossible to tell. She simply went with her gut and asked, "Would you two want to join us? I mean, now that Nate knows about Audrey, maybe…he'd like to meet her?"

B turned off the screen of her phone and looked up, "Oh, are you sure? We wouldn't be intruding on your time with him?"

The blonde smiled, reading Blair's falsely innocent expression and feeling nostalgic, "Promise. I'll have plenty of time to see him once you aren't here for sleepovers anymore."

Blair frowned, "Don't talk about it. We still have plenty of time."

"It's flying by already. Before you know it, the two months will be over and I'll be without a best friend to randomly drop in on whenever I'm bored or upset or even happy."

"Well…I might stay for a little longer. I haven't really decided yet." Blair grabbed the perfect bag out of her closet and threw it on the crook of her elbow.

Serena sat up fully in bed, confused. "Wait...you might stay longer? How much longer?"

"Don't look so disappointed," Blair said jokingly, "And I'm not sure. Once the Open-Heart Gala is finished, I'll have to see how many investors I have and how many connections I've made, and then reassess. But, also, we will have to see what the doctor thinks of Audrey's condition. I'm not leaving New York until I know what's best for her."

Serena nodded, "Yeah, no, I get all of that, it's just…be careful, B."

"Be careful with what?"

S gulped, "Well, it's just that the wedding is less than four months away now, and if I've learned anything from the last year, it's to not put yourself through more than you can handle. I don't want to see you get hurt, and I don't want to see Chuck self-destruct again."

Blair stiffened suddenly and turned on one heel so that she was perfectly facing her best friend. She cocked her head to the side and asked, "Again?"

Serena lifted a hand to rub her temple. She hadn't meant to say that. There was still so much hurt in the past that Blair didn't know about, that Serena had never told her, and it seemed both pointless and completely important at the same time. But, no matter what had come up, she'd decided it was better to not inform Blair of the man that she had left behind. After all, until recently, Blair hadn't expressed any regret about her decision. She'd stayed firm in the fact that Chuck had been a different person, less mature, unable to love fully, unable to become the person he was meant to be with Blair and a baby to care for.

But she'd let it slip and she found herself in a hole. She groaned and began to explain while standing from where she was on the bed, "After you left, Chuck was…well, he wasn't himself. I've never seen him the way he was that night. Nate called me for help because Chuck had gone crazy and he couldn't get him to calm down. If you remember how he acted after Bart died, well…it was like five times that, because it happened all at once. I don't think he knew what to feel, because I don't think he had considered the fact that maybe you weren't going to show up at the Empire State Building."

Blair felt herself sink and wondered if that was visible. Serena knew about the Empire State Building and all that B had agreed to give up when she escaped to Paris. Her mind was all over the place, imagining the pain she'd seen and felt following Bart's death. She could perfectly remember Chuck's face twisting itself until he was unrecognizable, until he was only a shell of the young man he really was. And she had done that to him, five times over, it sounded like. But she had to force herself to think about something other than that in order to continue the conversation, so she chose to say, "You…you knew about the Empire State Building?"

Serena sighed, "Nate told me about it that night. I didn't know about it when you chose to leave." _I didn't know about the ring._

Blair stared straight into her best friend's eyes, "If you had known about it, do you think you would've tried to stop me?"

S took a deep breath and chose her words carefully.

"Yes, I think I would have tried. But by that time, it was too late. Your mind was made up, you were gone, and I had a brother to convince that it was going to be ok. And it's not like I didn't understand what you were feeling. I did. Obviously, you were the best judge of your own emotions toward Chuck, but…I think that a lot of what he felt for you, you couldn't see. And you did what you thought was best for you and for Audrey Grace. Decisions were made, and we are all living with them. Just, please, be careful."

* * *

Dr. Jver was a very strange, short little man who had to be absolutely brilliant in order to make it in the world. He seemed initially very awkward around Blair, though was a natural with dealing with Audrey Grace, which is why Blair guessed he had gone into pediatrics. He was very patient, asked plenty of questions directly to the tiny girl, and seemed to develop an understanding of her condition without ever asking Blair specifically what was involved in her daughter's case.

Following the interview of Audrey Grace, Dr. Jver looked at Blair and presented a soft smile that suggested reassurance rather than joy, "It sounds to me that she has a congenital cystic adenomatoid malformation. Maybe several. When I look at her file, is that what it will tell me?"

Blair nodded quickly, "Yes. Have you not yet looked at it?"

"No, I like to look at the patient. Talk to them. It gives me a feel for both the person and the condition, rather than just a medical diagnosis in a file," he shrugged a little, "And it sounds like she has been receiving various treatments all her life?"

"Yes, starting at birth," B said, suddenly feeling like she had a lump in her throat, "As a newborn, the CCAM was extremely problematic. She couldn't breathe on her own, so they surgically removed some of the excess tissue in her lungs and immediately put her on antibiotics. She still takes them, which has worked well for the most part, but I was wondering if there was anything else we could be doing?"

Dr. Jver smiled at Audrey, who was playing with a slinky in the corner of the little room, and said, "I think she would be an excellent candidate for a few sessions of a new breathing treatment that we have been administering recently. It passed the trial phase for the FDA with flying colors. It would involve three or four appointments, but I think it would improve the tightness she feels even with the antibiotics tremendously, if you think that sounds like something you would be interested in."

Blair perked up, "Oh – yes, yes we would. Definitely. I feel so bad that I haven't been able to do more for her…"

The small doctor smiled at Blair, then, with the same softness that he had been showing to Audrey, "You have done nothing wrong, Miss Waldorf. These things, unfortunately, happen. But it seems like you both have a lot of spirit and that you want the best quality of life possible for your daughter."

B only nodded some thanks at him as she looked over at Audrey Grace.

He stood from his chair, "Should I inform the nurses that you will be visiting fairly often in the next three to four months?"

Blair blinked, "Three to four months?"

Dr. Jver nodded, "It is best if the breathing treatments are administered every three or four weeks. This timeline has proven to be most effective in patients her age, with similar conditions."

"Oh, then…yes. You'll be seeing us then."

Chuck and Raina went to brunch that morning as a means to mull things over and discuss more wedding plans. It seemed easy enough to communicate openly after their conversation the night before and the angry sex that had followed. It had almost succeeded in ridding his mind of a perfect bow shaped mouth and cunning brown eyes that had kept so many secrets from him.

Raina smiled as the waiter waltzed up to their table. He brought two glasses of water, recognizing Raina and bringing her a glass of sparkling without a request. 'Harbour' was one of their favorite spots in the city, for they had first tried it together and hadn't eaten there with anyone else. It had become somewhat of a ritual for them after a fight.

He smiled to himself as he watched Raina order. Another difference between his first love and his second was that Raina had no trouble treating herself to a good meal. Blair, though beautiful and strong, had suffered from an eating disorder for most of her adolescent life, and even after beating it was a nervous eater around her friends. He used to worry sick about her nutrition, and silently felt relieved that he hadn't known about her pregnancy for that purpose. But, only for that purpose.

He ordered for himself and then reached for Raina's hand from across the table. She looked happy and he felt happy, too, despite everything going on. However, something struck him in that moment that he couldn't help but think about: he wasn't as happy as he was a month ago. He felt horrible for it, but it was there, acknowledged, for the first time since he'd found out Blair was back. It shouldn't be that way, he shouldn't feel that way, but he did. And he just knew that once Blair left and rid him of her for good, he could focus on being happy again.

Raina lifted her glass of water to her lips, took a quick sip, and turned to him with something important on her lips, "I think I know what I _really_ want our first dance to be to."

Chuck knitted his brows, "I thought it was going to be that one Debussy that you love? I didn't mind the idea of that one." _Please don't be Moon River._

"I thought of something better, that meant a lot to my mother," She said, and smiled widely, "'La Vie En Rose', the instrumental version, of course."

He blinked. He definitely hadn't been expecting that. He lifted his glass of water to his lips and took a long gulp. Every time he thought of that song, particularly the version without Louis Armstrong's rasp, he thought of watching _Sabrina_ in bed with Blair Waldorf. Well, watching some, and being…distracted for some. It was played multiple times throughout the Audrey film.

Audrey. Audrey Grace.

He shook his head, "I don't like that idea as much, for some reason…"

Raina flashed a proper pout all of a sudden, "What? I didn't think you cared either way. Besides, my mother used to hum it all the time around our house. I thought it would be great when the idea came to me this morning."

He was still uneasy about it, but didn't think it was appropriate to explain why in light of recent events, "I'll think about it, alright?"

* * *

 **Blair: We're leaving the doctor's now. Will meet you at the restaurant in twenty. Xoxo.**

Serena smiled and placed her phone in her purse. She and Nate had met up for a walk down fifth avenue prior to meeting up with Blair and Audrey. She felt it necessary that they develop their individual relationship after all that had happened, and that started with making an effort to spend time with him outside of the café that they'd been meeting at. Though those visits would still be as regular as necessary, depending on Blair and Chuck, who were at a current stalemate after the afternoon in Chuck and Nate's apartment.

"Blair said they'll be there in twenty minutes," S informed him, looking around at the large buildings with a mundane appreciation.

"Oh, good. I'm hungry," he said, also absorbing the crazy world that was fifth avenue. He smiled as the sun shined down on their two golden heads and added, "But this is nice, too."

"I agree. I don't go on a lot of walks," Serena said, "But when I do, I just think about how crazy New York is."

"What do you mean?"

She looked up ahead toward where they were walking and explained, "Everything here is the product of so many lives crossing and soooo much money being spent. Every building costs a fortune, and was built by hundreds of hands, doing the work of who knows how many creative minds…"

Nate couldn't help but smile. He loved when Serena would get like this, and it had been a while since he'd seen the side of her that was just happy to be where she was at. He guessed she hadn't been as happy as she used to be. But the walk was a temporary distraction, "Yeah, I think about it, too. It's crazy that my ancestors have been at the heart of all of this," he gestured around at the street, "For generations. I think about how different this world looked for them."

"And yet I can't imagine that, at their cores, people were so different than they are now," Serena said, a little mockingly, "We are constantly surrounded by selfishness."

"Hey, don't talk about our best friends like that," Nate said jokingly. Not that it wasn't accurate.

Serena rolled her eyes, returning with a lighthearted but serious tone, "Not just them. This whole society. My mother. Eleanor. Bart. The women on Park who think that the hardest thing in life is to either try to age gracefully or not age at all. It's so…"

"Ingenuine."

"Yes. Ingenuine," Serena said, "I want something real. This whole situation with the baby taught me that there are more important things than looking happy in the Upper East Side. I need to _feel_ something to feel like I'm doing something, you know?"

"I know," Nate said, nodding, "Which is why I don't know what to do about Chuck and Blair, if doing anything is even the right move."

Serena shrugged. Nate still didn't know the truth about Audrey's paternity, but he _did_ know about the Harry Winston ring. Blair didn't know about the run in Serena and Audrey Grace had had at Bergdorf's, or that S had watched the way Chuck's eyes changed when he was looking at the little girl. He looked softened and calm, as if he was completely at her disposal and would be able to listen to her all day. She replied, "I don't know that there is anything we can do. Or even should do. If they are meant to be friends, they will be. But he has Raina, and she has a life in France, so I doubt anything is going to change either of those. We'll have to see."

The appointment was promising, though B thought back to the conversation she'd had with Serena that morning about being careful around New York. She couldn't help but feel a stab of dread at the thought of informing her and Nate that she would be staying until the beginning of January, which was both right around the wedding and right around Audrey's birthday. She didn't want to think about it, so she just hummed an old song to herself and led her daughter to lunch with her head held high.

Blair and Audrey walked hand in hand as they walked up to the entrance of the restaurant. She'd never heard of it before, therefore she understood that it was relatively new, and looked at the elegant dark blue and white entrance with interest.

"Blair?" she heard a feminine voice say from behind her.

The voice was too high to be Serena's, and she turned on one heel to see who the mystery woman was. She was pleasantly surprised to see Lucia Lovett, accompanied by an attractive man with dark hair and smiling eyes. She instantly liked the sight of him almost as much as she enjoyed the fact that she was able to see Lucia in a casual setting unplanned.

"Oh, hello," Blair said, and extended an arm for a light embrace. Audrey took a step forward and cleared her throat gracefully, and Blair wondered where the hell she picked up the stealth that she had in that moment. But she just looked back at the lovely dark-haired girl and said, "Lucia, this is my daughter, Audrey."

"Nice to meet you," the tiny girl offered.

Lucia grinned, "It's very nice to meet you, too."

B looked at the man and smiled warmly, "Blair Waldorf, nice to meet you."

He smiled and opened his mouth to say something, though Lucia responded first, "This is my older brother, Lincoln. He's in New York for the next few weeks and I wanted to show him one of my favorite new spots." She used her hand to gesture towards the sign outside of Harbour.

Blair nodded at the information and asked him, "Oh, just visiting? Where are you from?"

His voice was deep and a little husky, unlike the smooth, dangerous voice she was used to being hypnotized by. But Lincoln's was just as alluring as he said, "I actually work with Walt Fitzhodgins in Seville. Europe's become my home, but New York has a…special place."

Lucia looked up at her brother, "How funny. Blair was just telling me the same thing last night at dinner."

"Really? Where do you live?"

"Paris," Blair said. Audrey smiled up at them as her mother continued, "We've lived in Paris for almost five years. This is actually Audrey's first time in New York."

"Oh, how exciting!" Lucia said, smiling down at the tiny girl. She asked, "How have you liked it so far? Has your mom showed you all of the important things?"

Audrey Grace nodded proudly, "I love it. She showed me the Met and Tiffany's and the pond where she feeds the ducks in the park."

"She's obviously covered all of the bases," Nate said as he and Serena walked up to them. Blair smiled at her two friends and S hugged her immediately.

"Sorry, we went on a walk beforehand and took the scenic route," she whispered in Blair's ear, "Tell me how the appointment went later?"

B nodded, "Of course."

They both turned back to the others with unsuspecting smiles on their faces. Serena looked at Lucia, "You're Veronica's daughter, aren't you? Our mother's have definitely worked together on a ton of projects."

Lucia nodded, "Yes, hi, I'm Lucia Lovett. And this is Lincoln, my brother."

Nate looked a little taken aback by the sight of Blair. He had been expecting her to be freaking out about him and Chuck seeing her daughter at Bergdorf's, but she was simply chatting with two poised Upper East Siders like she'd never been gone. It was good to see her in her element: speaking with important people and emulating a certain posh atmosphere that years of being away hadn't changed or broken. He hid a smile. Same old Blair.

He turned toward the strangers who were with her. Lincoln was tall and lean, with beautiful caramel colored eyes and jet-black hair that he kept styled away from his face. He had a tasteful amount of five o'clock shadow, and it framed his warm grin in a way that automatically made Nate feel like he'd known him for years. He smiled at him and shook his hand, "Nate Archibald."

"Oh, you're Tripp's cousin," Lincoln said with a slight nod, "We went to law school together."

Blair's brows shot up in pleasant surprise. A Yale man, a friend of the Vanderbilts. _Interesting_.

"Yeah, I think he's mentioned you. It's nice to meet you, man," Nate turned his attention to Lucia and smiled warmly. She was a beautiful girl. She had long, straight black hair with beautiful olive skin and friendly brown eyes. Her smile conveyed genuine happiness and she nodded at him in consideration as he repeated, "Nate Archibald."

"Nice to meet you."

Audrey Grace took a step towards Nate and smiled up at him as she said, "You are friends with Chuck Bass!"

Blair nearly choked on the air she was breathing. Her brows shot up and she stared down at the little girl with surprise and panic, "Why…how do you know who Chuck Bass is, Audrey?"

"I saw him at Bergdorf's with Auntie S," she said, as though the truth of it was completely harmless. It was impossible for the little girl to understand the weight of what was going on for both Blair and Serena, who made eye contact as soon as she'd explained. If looks could kill, Serena would be long gone.

"We ran into them…she ran away from me…it's a complete misunderstanding, B," Serena's face turned crimson and Nate felt bad for her.

The Lovett's didn't seem to notice the awkward tension that suddenly rose in the air. Blair whispered through her teeth, "We will talk later."

* * *

Chuck and Raina rose from their table just in time to see Nate, Serena, two black-haired people Chuck didn't recognize, and none other than Blair and Audrey Grace Waldorf being seated. He cursed under his breath, knowing that this was going to set Raina off again. Once his fiancée seemed to notice, he heard a little scoff escape her lips and her fingers tightened around her clutch. _Christ._

Blair seemed to notice, too, for she met Chuck's horrified gaze several moments later and the color drained from her face. Neither of them wanted to be in that situation, though that didn't seem to be an uncommon theme for them as of late. She inhaled visibly and nodded at him, as if to say that she didn't plan for this to happen. He nodded in return, unsure of what else to do, and the two broke eye contact. He knew that they would have to have a conversation soon, but now was definitely not the time to ask when that would be possible. He didn't want to stress Raina more, and he didn't want there to be anything remotely close to a scene in front of Audrey Grace.

"We literally can't go anywhere," she said, shaking her head slightly, "In a city this size, and on top of the fact that I have never once run into Kendall Jenner or Lana del Rey, I just…wow."

He exhaled loudly, "Yeah, this is one of the more uncomfortable and unfortunate situations I have ever been a part of."

Raina looked at him, "Are we still expected to go say hi to Nate and your sister…?"

They stared at one another for a minute and he just shrugged, "We don't have to. They'll definitely understand if we don't."

Raina felt a flash of heat. She hated being in this position. She already weirdly felt like a step mom, someone not a part of the actual fact, who was constantly walking on her tip toes around those who had been a part of Chuck's life way before her.

Chuck tried not to stare at Audrey Grace as he watched the waiter bring her a small glass of water. She sat up in her chair with perfect posture, swept her curly light brown hair over her shoulder, and lifted the glass to her lips. Beside her, Blair was smiling and watching carefully to make sure that she didn't drop it. Something about the picture made him feel both uneasy and perfectly balanced. Everything would work itself out, he just liked being even this much apart of whatever was going on with Blair's daughter.

 **HI LOVELIES, It's been a while, but I'm back!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **M**


	11. A Nice Red

Chapter Eleven: A Nice Red

Blair stared down at Audrey Grace and smiled. Chuck and Raina were leaving the restaurant. In a minute, the atmosphere would be calmer and the food would hopefully be lovely. The wine, which she was absolutely going to devour at some point that afternoon, paired nicely with the melted brie that was brought out for them. Everything was falling apart in style, and she eyed Lincoln Lovett from across the table right as Chuck was entering her peripheral vision. He stepped out of the door. He was gone.

Lincoln, who was seated to her right, was gorgeous. Every so often his voice would hint at an accent that he might have picked up after years of speaking mostly Spanish. She swirled some of the red wine in her glass around as she watched him speak. He had a pleasant mouth, and his dark gray eyes held a certain level of joy the entire time. He was obviously very passionate about his work in Seville, not that Blair retained much of what he said he did. There was far too much going on, and she had felt like she could feel a set of light brown eyes burning a hole through her face until a few seconds ago. She simply continued to smile.

Nate took a sip of his wine and said, "Well, business is great, it sounds like. But what else do you do? Where is your favorite place in Spain to spend your weekends?"

"I would have to say my favorite spot is Mallorca. It's gorgeous. It's a dry heat, which is nice compared to the east coast humidity, and the water is always just warm enough that you never want to get out. I have a house there, actually." He said, staring straight at Blair afterwards. She felt her stomach fill with butterflies. "Maybe you both could come if things in Paris slow down for a weekend."

B swallowed hard. He was inviting her, directly. To a beach house. Her and Audrey Grace, of course, which she couldn't tell if that made it more comforting or more serious. "Well, I do love getting some sun…I've never been there. Are the beaches pretty private?"

"The beaches are clean and never too crowded, and- "

"Is that a naked beach?" Audrey Grace asked blatantly.

Blair's brows shot up. "What?"

Audrey looked up at her mother with an unchanged expression. "Michel Deboneaux said that they have naked beaches in Spain."

Lincoln, unphased, narrowed his eyes at her playfully. "I know someone who told me there are nude beaches in France."

The tiny girl scrunched her nose and shook her head forcefully. She giggled and said, "No!"

"Well, then there aren't any in Spain, either," he said with a resolved nod at her. It was enough to please her, and she chuckled into her cup of water.

Blair sat there, amused, and looked back and forth between the two of them so that she didn't have to think about what her conversation with Serena later would be like. Nate and Chuck had seen Audrey. Audrey knew who Chuck was. It still baffled Blair to think of them interacting without her, and she was going to force every single detail of the exchange out of S later. But, for now, she sipped her wine and asked her daughter, "You've never asked me about nude beaches, my love."

Audrey's face turned pink and she said, "They sound nasty."

Lincoln dramatically nodded. "They do. That's how I know there aren't any in Spain."

Audrey Grace stuck her small pink tongue out at him and said, "Or in France!"

Blair smiled at him. Without much thought, and with more sips of wine in her stomach, she stated, "You know how to talk to her."

He shrugged and pulled a cloth napkin into his lap as their appetizers arrived. "I love kids. Our cousin has a son who is a year or so older than Audrey Grace and he says we are 'best friends'."

Lucia nodded in agreement. "Literally best friends. Justin cries every time Lincoln has to go back to Europe. Tantrum cries."

Lincoln smiled. "Yeah, he's a cool little guy. But I think I just get along with that age group well. I used to volunteer with a group of first grade boys when I was in college."

Blair nodded in consideration of this fact and felt the warmth of the wine sting her cheeks. "I'm sure they were full of energy. Just one is a lot to keep entertained most days."

He nodded and his eyes emphasized just how right she was. She liked that. "I was their lacrosse coach. It was just a little program set up by one of the guys on the Yale team who had worked with them before. They could all run for twenty or thirty minutes straight without stopping and still have the energy to talk back."

Blair looked over at Serena and tried to communicate as discreetly as possible that her ovaries were exploding. Nate was just nodding along, following the conversation as he inhaled his portion of the raw oysters. Serena's eyes communicated that she absolutely understood, and she immediately engaged Lucia in a conversation so that Blair and Lincoln felt less on the spot when speaking. B appreciated it, but was still annoyed with her.

"It's nice that you volunteered like that in college. I feel like not a lot of people in your profession probably did." Not that she could remember exactly what he did, but he _had_ gone to law school, so it was a decent guess.

He smiled at her. "Thanks, yeah, I really enjoyed it. I love kids. I think it's important that they feel cared about and listened to. Your daughter is great, by the way."

Blair looked over at Audrey Grace and her perfect light brown curls. There was so much of Blair in her, yet so much of…not Blair. She was perfect. Mostly sweet, always curious. It was obvious that she liked talking to people and feeling listened to. Blair loved her cute voice, and she loved to listen to how Audrey made sense of everything step by step. She hoped that the breathing treatments would work well so that they could do more outside together. For her daughter, Blair was willing to try anything.

Audrey Grace was staring at Lincoln with wonder in her brown eyes. "Can you teach me how to play lacrosse?"

"Well, sure, if your mom is ok with it." They both looked at Blair. She was flushed. And very interested in watching him spend time with her daughter.

Her and Chuck's daughter.

She shrank back in her seat as the little voice in her head reminded her of the fact that she had robbed Audrey Grace of the father she already had. She would feel eternally guilty if she just let this guy walk right into their lives, knowing nothing about where he was at in terms of plans for the future or in terms of _her_. There was absolutely no denying how attractive he was, and he seemed so mature in the way he spoke, like he wasn't afraid of talking about anything because he understood how people worked. Nonetheless, she would have to rein herself in. She couldn't fall all over the place at the first bit of sexual tension that came her way. He had been flirting that afternoon but she barely knew him and she definitely didn't know his intentions. She would have to do a little digging before she let him around her daughter.

* * *

Who the fuck was that guy beside Blair at lunch? Chuck had already given Andrew Tyler a lot to work on lately, but this guy would be no exception to the list of people he would need to do some digging on before agreeing to let _him_ around who he believed was his daughter. Blair couldn't just let any handsome dark-haired guy she wanted around Audrey Grace without hearing from him if he found out for sure that she was his.

There was a sinking feeling in his stomach at the thought of if she had ever brought anyone around the little girl. If she had been dating for the past few years. He hadn't truly thought of that, for he'd blocked her from his mind after a while. He'd hated her. He didn't know she had a daughter, or else he would've interested in who she was seeing for a reason that wasn't completely masochistic.

Raina had an afternoon get together with her maid of honor, her cousin Cheryl, to put the final touches on the bridal shower plans. Raina wanted a say in EVERYTHING. It seemed that Chuck had a type when it came to that kind of thing.

So, he sat in his apartment alone, looking at some of Nate's boxes and drinking away his problems. The Lancaster deal would have to be his, ultimately. He'd loved scouting out that property and thinking of all of the ways that he could renovate it to be the perfect across the bridge location. Now, because of Blair, it was no longer his project. Because of Blair, he was at a weird place with Russell. Because of Blair, he and Raina were arguing all the time. Because of Blair, he had been drinking more. And because of Blair, he had felt more alive and on his toes in the past few weeks than he had in years.

'La Vie En Rose' could not be in their wedding. He poured himself two fingers of scotch and made up his mind.

He picked up his phone, refusing to stay in that apartment by himself but knowing that Nate was at lunch with Blair and Serena. He would need to pick his friends brain for a bit at some point just to see what he could find out in regards to Blair and that man. It could possibly be nothing, but until he knew for sure, he wasn't going to be able to stop thinking about the casual smile that had been on her face. Or on Audrey's face as she'd been messing around with something on the table.

"Arthur," he said into his phone as the driver picked up, "Could you pick me up in a few minutes? I just have something for work that I have a little bit of time to pay attention to today."

* * *

Blair, Serena, and Nate said goodbye to the Lovetts as they finished their lunch. It had been better than Blair was hoping for, but that could've had to do with the fact that she ended up having four glasses of wine. S had stared at her finishing the fourth, though Blair managed to keep herself composed the entire time. Lincoln probably couldn't even tell that she had been feeling good since halfway through the second glass.

Audrey Grace was clearly very tired and ready for an afternoon nap. Blair picked her up and was carrying her as they made their way a few blocks to the Waldorf's building. Serena was slightly awkward the entire time, not really sure how to navigate any of the conversations she wanted to have with Nate standing there. Lincoln, Chuck, the doctor…she wasn't sure which was the least compromising. She sighed and decided on the first.

"So…um…Lincoln?" Serena's brows raised as she looked over at her blushing best friend.

"What about him?"

Nate rolled his eyes beside them. "C'mon, Blair. We know you."

B's eyes narrowed and she felt herself beginning to sweat from the sleeping child pressed to her chest. "I have too much going on right now, don't put any scandalous ideas into my head, _thank you_."

Serena laughed. "The ideas were planted as soon as there was mention of a first-grade lacrosse team, don't even lie. But if you don't have time for the gorgeous wealthy man who lives in Europe and loves kids, loves _your_ kid, then we don't have to talk about it."

"First of all, he barely knows my kid," Blair said with a knowing look, "But seriously, you guys, I can't date. I haven't dated in years. I have way too much going on. With the business and the appointments…"

Nate's face developed a confusion expression. "Appointments? Is everything ok? Are you…are you still doing ok?"

Blair swallowed. Nate had been her boyfriend through the thick of her eating disorder in high school and every one of them had a personal reason for being concerned about her relapsing. Serena knew it meant she was severely needed. Nate knew it meant that she was seriously hurting. And Chuck knew that she was the last person who would be able to help herself in those moments. They had all had to step in at some point. But that was years ago, and Blair hadn't made herself sick in so long that she wasn't even sure she would remember how she used to hide it so well. Which was a good thing. But that wasn't happening now and she didn't know what else to say other than the truth.

She inhaled sharply. She was tipsy and the words were flowing. "Yeah, no, I'm fine. Audrey Grace has some issues with her lungs…I haven't really told anyone outside of family and S. There's a doctor here who has a series of treatments he thinks could help it be easier on her, which is where I was this morning before lunch."

Nate blinked and looked over at the little girl. Aside from how cute and tired she was, she also looked like she was causing Blair to struggle a little. Nate silently offered to take her, and Blair smiled gratefully at him. Serena walked soberly beside them and asked, "So…what else did he say about the treatment? You said it might work for her?"

"Also, if you wanted to talk about this without me, I am happy to leave as soon as we get back to your place," Nate offered sweetly.

Blair smiled sadly and shook her head. "No, no, that's ok. You'll have questions about what's going on anyway in a month or two. She has to get a treatment once a month for three or four months so he can see if her lungs are any stronger, or if she needs it for longer…"

Serena blinked rapidly. "Wait, are you serious? You'll be here for four more months?"

B sighed. "It seems so."

"Well, for myself, I am thrilled. For Audrey Grace, I'm really glad that she may have an easier time with her breathing. For you…" she trailed off without finishing the thought, but they all knew what she was going to say if she had. Nate and Blair both nodded in agreement.

"I know. I'm trying not to think about it. This is what is best for her so nothing else even matters. We'll pretty much be in New York until her birthday."

They made it to the building and Blair smiled as the greeted the doorman with three friendly, slightly false smiles. Serena waved a light thanks as they filed in past him, happy to soak up the air conditioning. Audrey Grace was still knocked out in Nate's arms as they promptly boarded the elevator.

Blair sank back against the wall. "I need to get very, very drunk."

Serena threw an arm around her best friend's shoulder and smiled. "Seems like you already have a head start on that one, B."

"Ugh."

"I would also be hammered if I were you," Nate said softly, as to not disturb the tiny girl. He shrugged lightly under her. "There's a lot happening to you right now."

Blair nodded and looked up at the light on the ceiling. She thought about what the next few months would look like for her. It would be a dream to be around Serena, Dorota, Eleanor and Cyrus for longer than she expected. She would start sending things over to Priya, her head designer in Paris, so that things would still be on track with Waldorf Designs. She would start to be the friend to Nate that he deserved in light of all he had been through trying to help her since she had been home, though she would never be able to tell him the truth about her daughter. And Chuck, well, Chuck was engaged.

She perked up slightly. "Just to clarify, when exactly is Chuck and Raina's wedding?"

Serena and Nate exchanged a nervous glance that drove B insane, but she pretended not to notice. S responded moments later. "The date is set for New Year's Eve."

* * *

Arthur pulled up to the Lancaster Hotel and stopped long enough for Chuck to finish his scotch and tell him that he would be there for a while. In was undergoing renovations that Russell was overseeing, and Chuck hated the thought of what he had dreamt up for the place not becoming a reality. They had only just cleared it out for the changes, and from the outside it looked as hollow as he felt. That's what he needed to go there, to stand in the building and center himself a bit. He had fallen in love with the vision of elegance he had seen upon viewing it in its former Brooklyn glory. That had been before Blair came back, when his life felt as perfect as possible without her.

He managed to get in with the key he'd had before turning the project over to Russell. The lobby was completely empty, the floors in the process of being ripped up, but it still had the architectural charm it initially did, and that made him feel slightly better about his choice in going there. He was heavily drunk by that point, thinking back to what things were like as a bachelor in New York City without any cares in all the world besides booze and meaningless sex. The easy times.

 _He stumbled into the Waldorf Penthouse, thoroughly drunk. Eleanor and Harold had been traveling for their anniversary and left Blair with Dorota for the week. B had invited the other three over, saying that the four of them could just stay in and playing drinking games or whatever they wanted to do, just that she didn't want to be alone and that she was too tired of the girls to want them over._

 _Blair had always been attractive, but in a way that you never felt like you were allowed to think she was because she wouldn't let you. She wanted to be noticed, but she was so far above everyone else that Chuck knew nobody but Nate would ever be allowed to touch her or kiss her or see her in her natural, vulnerable state. Only Nate could do that._

 _Chuck was the first to make it to the apartment. Nate was probably fetching Serena, who was easily assumed to also be drunk already. What a pair they made, the two perfect, respectable friends and the two fucked up alcoholic at fifteen years old friends, all in one group. All woven into the same pattern that would never unravel. They all had an unspoken sense that they belonged together as a unit, that nothing life threw at them would ever break that up. Blair and Nate would get married, Chuck never would, and Serena would continue to do whatever Serena wanted to do. That could equally mean marriage or loneliness or a state of limbo between the two. Nobody knew._

 _There was no one downstairs. Blair was probably still in her room, not realizing he had arrived. He waltzed up the stairs, lazily calling out, "Blair."_

 _No one answered. He frowned, reaching her bedroom door and pushing it open. "Blair?"_

 _No one. There was no one in there. But the bathroom door was closed and he felt suddenly uneasy about being so close to it. She would be out in a second, and find him in her room, hammered. Confused. Looking for her. And she would probably get annoyed._

 _He turned to leave and wait downstairs, as he should have done anyway, but he heard a gentle noise coming from the other side of the door. A choking. A sobbing. And a chill as cold as death rain up his spine so fast that he didn't even have time to shiver. Something white hot came over his body, something that surpassed the inebriation. He needed to get on the other side of that door._

 _He twisted the knob and shoved it open, which was unnecessary because it was unlocked. Blair was in there, her back against the elegant bathtub. She was nowhere near the toilet. Her entire face was red, her mascara smudged under her eyes. Her nose was clearly congested from crying. Her hands were lighting shaking, and her brown eyes looked terrified of everything. "Chuck, what the hell are you doing?"_

 _He froze. "Um…"_

 _"You should have knocked." She stood from the floor and crossed her arms aggressively over her chest._

 _Chuck swallowed hard. "I just thought…"_

 _"You thought what, Bass?" Blair was choking back another sob, but she managed to catch it in her throat. Her fingers flew up to her lips. She was clearly trying not to get sick, and that motion alone let him know that he wasn't crazy for thinking what he thought had been happening._

 _He straightened his back and stared directly into her brown eyes. "I thought you were hurting yourself. And I was worried."_

 _She looked surprised, as if it was so shocking that one of her best friends cared about her. "I'm fine. I just need to get ready before they get here."_

 _His head was spinning a little, reminding him that he was still drunk. But he tried his best to come up with words as he watched her fumble around with the makeup wipes on her counter. She looked so small in that bathroom. She wasn't Blair. She was hurting. She was sick. She needed someone other than herself to be strong. And he was just Chuck Bass, more fucked up than ever, awkwardly wanting to save the day without knowing a thing about where to start._

 _"It's ok if you aren't, you know…"_

 _She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I know, Chuck. You really don't need to do this."_

 _He blinked and came to stand behind her so that she could see his face in the mirror. "Neither do you."_

 _Her facial expression changed from dismissive, to pensive, to annoyed. She turned on her heel to face him, pursing her lips. Her eye makeup was still in ruins but she still looked beautiful. Just a broken version of beautiful. Her voice sounded exactly like the normal Blair Waldorf as she said, "I am used to handling this. I got it. And even if I don't, I will figure it out. I don't need your help."_

* * *

They walked into the Waldorf penthouse and Nate glanced over at them. "I'll go put her upstairs. Just in Blair's room?"

B nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. Thanks, Nate."

He smiled in her direction warmly, a smile that used to send her over the edge but had since melted into a familiar, nostalgic expression that made her think back to when her biggest stressor was ruling over the girls at Constance. She missed those days.

As he vanished up the stairs, she turned to Serena and said, "I have a bottle of red in the kitchen."

Serena laughed. "What about when she wakes up?"

"Dorota will be here in an hour. I need today. I don't care if that makes me a bad mom." Blair's voice wavered a little with that one. "I need today. This morning was…"

"I know, B."

They both headed to the kitchen. Blair walked around knowingly, as if she hadn't lived somewhere else for five years. She pulled out an expensive cabernet and two glasses, all the while trying to keep her hands from shaking. "Four more months…four more fucking months of being here and being reminded of everything that happened and seeing how much has changed."

Serena just nodded and watched her best friend let the wine breathe. She pulled a strand of blonde hair out of her face and began rubbing her temple. "I can't even imagine what's going on in your head right now."

Blair released a dry, humorless laugh. "Neither can I. I don't know what to say." She then narrowed her eyes, remembering a conversation they hadn't had a chance to finish earlier. It hadn't even really started; she could just unpleasantly remember the sound of her daughter's voice as she looked at Nate: 'you're Chuck Bass's friend!' Her stomach flipped all over again. "So, Audrey Grace knows the name Chuck Bass?"

Serena's face went extremely red. "That, yeah. When we went shopping, we saw them in the store, and she got away from me and I was searching all over the place for her and when I found her, she- "

"And you didn't think I would want to know about this?" Blair asked, cutting her friend off. There was anger in her voice, enough to make Serena swallow hard and carefully contemplate her position. Blair was not in the mood for bullshit, that was clear, but there was no good way for her to explain what happened without her best friend getting angrier than she already was.

"I should have told you."

"Did he talk to her?" B's eyes looked terrified but prepared for the answer.

S sighed. "Yes. He did. They were talking when I found her."

"About what?"

It was Serena's turn to be annoyed. She had been hiding that secret from everyone she knew and loved for years, and one mistake and Blair is angry with her. As if she hadn't done everything in her power to make sure Blair was comfortable, to make sure Audrey Grace was loved but concealed. It was an enormous amount of pressure on top of keeping her own secret for so long. There were so many times that she felt like she was going to burst from the stress of it all, and she rarely ever consulted Blair because she didn't want to make her life any harder. There was no way that B could've guessed how hard it was for Serena, but that didn't make it any less so. "Does it matter, B? Really? Do you think he walked up to her and said 'I think I'm your dad?' Of course not. Can you blame him for being curious, though? For wanting to see her and talk to her?"

Blair stiffened. "Please don't."

"I don't blame you at all for the choice you made, but not everything from here on out can play out as perfectly as you hoped. He knows she exists. And he's been fed the story, but there is no way he is going to fall for it as easily as Nate did. He's not stupid, and he was so in love with you, Blair. There will always be a part of him that won't understand why you left, and then for him to see her and talk to her…I don't know what you want me to do. It was an accident. It feels like the universe is rooting against this lie."

Blair poured the wine coldly, calmly considering the fact that Nate could walk in at any second. She took a deep breath. "A lot of accidents seem to be happening at my expense."

Serena nodded and balled her hands up. "And I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry that everything is going wrong. But you can't be mad at me for it. You do see that, don't you?"

Blair downed a glass of wine and had a response on her lips when her phone started going off. She exhaled sharply, picked it up from where she had laid it on the counter, and felt the air get knocked out of her lungs.

 **Chuck: Can we talk?**

She looked up at Serena, all anger gone from her eyes. "Can you watch Audrey until Dorota gets back? There is somewhere I have to be."


End file.
